The Vampire Diaries Recap

Vampire Diaries Recap: Brat Out of Hell

Proving that crossovers on The CW aren’t limited to the DC Universe, Chris Wood returned to The Vampire Diaries on Friday, reprising the fan-favorite role of Mon-El. I mean Jake. I mean… that guy Carrie dated? Oh, that’s right — it was Kai!

(Look, Chris Wood’s been on a ton of CW shows, OK? They literally share initials.)

And despite everything ol’ Malachai has been through since we last saw him — screaming, burning and enduring unspeakable tortures, mostly — Kai’s pretty much the same sassy garbage monster we met back in 1994. In fact, it’s possible he’s become even sassier and more garbage-like over the years.

Case in point: He promised to wake up Elena “Sleepyhead” Gilbert in exchange for Damon’s help killing Cade, and it looked like he was actually going to make good on that arrangement… until he decided he’d rather kill Damon, steal his powers and make off with his girl. (I expect @CobraKai1972’s mentions to be flooded with angry tweets tonight.)

Meanwhile… It turns out that when Stefan became human, all of the people he compelled over the years regained their memories — including Dorian, whose parents Stefan apparently devoured during his Klaus-induced Ripper spree seven years ago. (Loved that Mikaelson shout-out, by the way!) As you can imagine, Dorian was pretty pissed. Like, I’m-going-to-shoot-you-and-bury-you-in-a-shallow-grave pissed.

While Stefan was fighting for his (now much shorter) life, Caroline was forced to play Mrs. Clean®, taking a metaphorical Magic Eraser to all of her fiancé’s past mistakes. One particular victim — a police offer who lost his job, family and sobriety as a result of Stefan compelling him to leave his post — really struck a chord with me. (Guys, these freakin’ vampires have ruined so many lives over the course of this series. Throw ’em all on a pile in the middle of the road and light it up, I say! Matt and Bonnie can toss the match.)

Speaking of Bonnie, she wisely vowed to steer clear of Kai the moment she learned of his return, though her coffee date with Cade probably put her in even more danger. Sure, their little psychic lesson allowed her to communicate with Enzo (in a ridiculous-sounding dimension I dare not try to wrap my head around), but it also allowed him into her headspace… and that’s never great.

Of course, if Bonnie needs more magic, she can probably just borrow some from Caroline and Alaric’s twins. Ever since Kai returned, their powers have been firing on all cylinders, which doesn’t sound like a bad thing… until one twin tries to light the other one on fire. (Yup, that happened.)

(Side thought about this weird little family: Between Caroline and Stefan’s pseudo breakup at the hospital, and her visible joy around Alaric and the girls, does anyone else think we could be in for a #CarolaricJuneWedding?)

OK, your turn: Gather your thoughts on this week’s episode, plus your hopes for — gasp! — the final three, then drop ’em in a comment below.