Quotes Of The Week For Aug. 13, 2017
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RAY DONOVAN
"You're gonna talk to a hooker in a brothel? On our anniversary?... I wanna watch."
A mischievous Abby (Paula Malcomson) insists on joining husband Ray (Liev Schreiber) on an undercover mission in a whorehouse
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TWIN PEAKS
"Do you really want to f—k with this?"
Um, no. We definitely don't.
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SALVATION
"This is an Airbnb fail."
Darius (Santiago Cabrera) is a bit finicky about where the FSB has stashed him and Grace
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PREACHER
"A target like this? We should activate B.R.A.D."
"You don't think that's overkill?"
"I think it's just the right amount of kill."
Lara (Julie Ann Emery), convincing Herr Starr (Pip Torrens) to eliminate Jesse with a drone
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MR. MERCEDES
"Are you listening to me?"
"No... [Stifled laugh] I'm still stuck on 'Kermit.' That's your f—king name? For real?"
Bill's birth name amuses Jerome (Jharrel Jerome)
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INSECURE
"Girl, I've been drinking to pass the time. A lot of time has passed."
Kelli (Natasha Rothwell), complaining to Issa about Molly's slow getting-ready process... and explaining her own tipsiness
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BROADCHURCH
"Did you know the names of the other two women you attacked?"
"I didn't ask. Is that rude?"
Leo (Chris Mason) comes back at Miller with a chilling response
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THE STRAIN
"Hey, we need those guys."
"I need no one. I've been hunting the Master for over a thousand years."
"Yeah. And how's that working out for ya?"
Fet (Kevin Durand) reminds Quinlan (Rupert Penry-Jones) of his less-than-stellar success rate
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BACHELOR IN PARADISE
"I can't go on another date with someone who has prettier hair than me, prettier skin than me and prettier abs than me. Robby has, like, 12 abs. He should only have six abs, max. Like, what do you do for a living? I don't trust you. It's scary. Stop working out."
Raven is not impressed by Robby's ridiculously chiseled beach body
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THE BOLD TYPE
"I want love. There, I said it."
"I want to be a better boss lady."
"I want this thing with Richard to be less complicated. And nachos."
Jane (Katie Stevens), Kat (Aisha Dee) and Sutton (Meghann Fahy) open up about what they really desire
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ANIMAL KINGDOM
"'You're a cool girl, and I've really enjoyed our time together...' Our time together?! 'But I think we are better as friends.' OK, we are not friends. We have never been friends. It's like talking to a steak!"
Nicky (Molly Gordon), laughing with J about the ludicrousness of Craig's breakup texts
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SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE: WEEKEND UPDATE SUMMER EDITION
"Where's Paul Ryan in all of this? You're supposed to be like the cool, young congressman, and you don't know how to '@' somebody on Twitter? 'Racism is bad @realDonaldTrump,' you p—y!"
Sheet cake enthusiast Tina Fey condemns the Speaker of the House for not mentioning Donald Trump by name in a tweet condemning POTUS' response to Charlottesville
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SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE: WEEKEND UPDATE SUMMER EDITION (Bonus Quote!)
"If you think white supremacists are angry this week, just wait until next week when the sun turns black."
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DIFFICULT PEOPLE
"My mom left me at the hospital because she was closing Steve Bannon's deal to do a sci-fi novel set at a Yeshiva."
Marilyn's patient's mother is apparently working with President Trump's most recently ousted aide
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WYNONNA EARP
"Listen, I can't really talk — I'm in a barn wired to explode. Also, I think I'm gay. Call you later?"
The cheap glamour of no spell can conceal Waverly's (Dominique Provost-Chalkley) truth
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MARVEL'S THE DEFENDERS
"It's been a long week."
One guzzled, stolen beer can't wash away the mystical mumbo-jumbo and resurrections Jessica (Krysten Ritter) has seen by Episode 7
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT
"Let's be fair to him today, though. He did condemn the Nazis today. Let's be fair."
"Two days later! Does he order his spine on Amazon Prime?"
Despite Anthony Scaramucci's best efforts to defend President Trump, Colbert remains stunned that it took POTUS two whole days to denounce white supremacism after the events in Charlottesville
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HALT AND CATCH FIRE
"So, he's from Philadelphia?"
"West Philly, yeah. But his mom is really freaked out about what happened on the basketball court, so she packed up his stuff and moved him to Los Angeles, and he's been living there ever since."
"I'm sorry, but was the thing on the basketball court really that big a deal? I mean, to send your kid away forever?"
"I think it involved gangs."
"Oh! And he's not actually royalty?"
"No, Fresh Prince refers to his street cred."
Joe (Lee Pace) catches Cameron (Mackenzie Davis) up on all things early '90s — including The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air — upon her return from Tokyo