UnReal Quinn Blackmails Rachel

UnREAL Recap: 'Nobody Here Does Anything to Be Nice'

While much of the TV-viewing public was throwing its support behind #TeamShawn or #TeamNick Monday night, those UnREAL fans among us knew there was a far more compelling bachelorette with an even bigger choice before her:

#TeamJeremy or #TeamAdam?

Or was it #TeamQuitThisCrazyBiz vs. #TeamBecomeQuinn2.0?

Or perhaps #FoldingHisLaundryandResentingHim up against #BellinisontheBeach?

Either way, there was plenty to hold your attention — even without the blackmail, sex on tape and double-dealing — in the second-to-last episode of the season. Read on as we review the major action of “Princess.”

RELATED UnREAL‘s Freddie Stroma on Adam’s Season 2 Fate, His Feelings for Rachel

BUSY BEAVER | In bed after her tryst with Adam, Rachel freaks. “This was a huge mistake,” she mutters, pulling on her clothes and skedaddling to her bunk, where Jeremy fell asleep waiting for her. When she wakes him up, he’s very cuddly and kissy, inviting her to spend the night at his place which — apropos of nothing — looks like it was decorated by Beauty and the Beast‘s Gaston. The minute they get there, Rachel asks for a shower, so eager is she to wash Adam off her. Of course, she and Jeremy get it on in there while the water’s flowing. Two guys in about as many hours? If you want, Rach, I’ve got some Aquaphor you can use — y’know, to help with the chafing.

The next day, Rachel tells a besotted Adam that she “just had to get you out of my system,” but the way she completely gives herself over to another kiss in the vineyard’s greenhouse belies her words. “Anna and Grace, it’s just fiction,” the Brit murmurs. “With you and me, we have something real.” And boy, do they — even the hothouse flowers in the background are fanning themselves for a little relief.

UnReal Quinn Blackmails Rachel RecapStill, Rachel insists on telling anyone who’ll listen — including Everlasting‘s bachelor himself and Quinn — that Jeremy is the guy for her and that they’re thinking of leaving the show for good. Meanwhile, Adam takes the competition’s remaining three contestants on dates at his vineyard: horseback riding with Grace, demolition (heh) with Faith and hot-air ballooning with Anna. Turns out, even Faith wants in on the Royal Renovations spinoff: If Adam picks her, she pitches, he can sleep around as much as he wants, and her “friend” Amy can come visit San Francisco and see that there are places where gay people live their lives out in the open. The offer is sweet and a little sad, and of course Adam good-naturedly sends her packing at that week’s elimination ceremony. Bye Faith. Your goofball charm really grew on me.

Next, Adam has to pick his overnight date, and he goes with Anna. Rachel just happens to find herself in the edit bay, where she’s not supposed to watch Adam and the blonde engaging in a bit of how’s your father, but she totally does — and is irked by it — then lies to Jeremy about what’s going on when he nearly catches her.

PHOTOS Cancelled Too Soon: Deadwood, Smash, My So-Called Life, Selfie, Firefly and 25 Other Shows We’ll Always Miss

PAYBACK’S A QUINN | What’s going on with Quinn in the meantime, you ask? She tells Chet — who has no clue she saw Madison doing a very special job for him in the last episode — that she has to go see a gynecologist in Los Angeles… but instead, she’s meeting with Brad the Network Executive. Waving the flash drive, which we learn contains eight years of show ideas she hasn’t shared with Chet, Quinn appeals to Brad’s need for a new hit: Cut Chet out of the equation, and she’ll deliver something amazing. He’s intrigued, so they make a plan for her to pitch him series in the near future.

Back on the set, Quinn corners Madison and asks what went down (appropriate choice of words!) between her and Chet. “One thing led to another, and his penis was right there, staring at me!” the flustered PA says. In less time than it takes me to order at the Taco Bell drive-through window (extra mild sauce, please!) , Quinn gets the young woman to agree to press sexual harassment and assault charges against the show creator. Damn, that woman is efficient in her bitchery.

RELATED UnREAL Renewed for Season 2

SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE | Next order of business is to call Rachel to her office and offer her a partnership in Quinn’s new media company, the one she’s going to start as soon as she leaves Chet and Everlasting. Rach is flattered but turns her boss down, saying, “I just don’t want to be a woman whose life is this.” Stung, Quinn mocks her producer’s desire to leave the show and settle down with Jeremy, but Rachel doesn’t care… until Quinn stumbles upon the bedroom footage of Rach’s very naked British Invasion.

Unlike many of you thought, Rachel never intended for the sex tape to be seen — a cloth covering the camera fell off, unnoticed by her and Adam — and so she begs Quinn not to show it to Jeremy. The EP agrees, under the condition that Adam agree to marry either Anna or Grace and Rachel come to work for her.

PHOTOS Fall TV Death Watch: 18 Characters We Fear Won’t Make It Out of 2015 Alive

CHET GETS WISE | Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Quinn, Madison has confided in Dr. Wagerstein about her interlude with Chet and the fallout with Quinn. “Nobody here does anything to be nice,” the shrink advises her, and then proves it by running to Chet to fill him in on his fiancée’s underhandedness. What does she want in return for helping him turn the situation around? A spinoff, of course. No offense, lady, but I’d rather watch Faith teach Amy about the Indigo Girls (“See, Emily is a soprano, while Amy’s the alto”) in Keeping the Faith or The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in The Castro or whatever terrible name they’d give her spinoff series than invest time in you coaching fame whores through their “intimacy issues.”

Later that night, Rachel and Adam find themselves hanging out on the same rock in the dark. “You’re the one that I want. The other girls are paper dolls,” he says, a little drunk and a lot regretful that he got himself into this mess in the first place. He paints a very pretty picture of them escaping right then and there, flying halfway around the world and drinking bellinis on a beach. And just before the episode ends, the look on Rachel’s face makes me think she’s really, really considering his offer.

Now it’s your turn! What did you think of the episode? How do you think everything will shake out in next week’s finale? Sound off in the comments!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

39 Comments
  1. Ellie says:

    Ugh…I’d love Rachel to go run away with Adam, but then there’d be no show…..and I honestly don’t like Jeremy at all

  2. Evan says:

    I have a feeling (or at least a strong desire) that Faith and Anna will be back next season. Faith is Adam’s one real friend on this show, and he’s going to need one of those if things fall apart (which DUH they probably will). And if Adam has to marry one of the remaining contestants, I think the show has put more effort into getting us behind Anna than it has for Grace, purposefully so. But that said, I don’t know what’s going to happen in the finale. But I’m very excited. Who’da thunk this would be my top summer show?! Sad to see it end next week.

  3. tallsy says:

    Obviously, Rachel isn’t going to run away with Adam. But all I know is that if Adam really isn’t back for season 2, I’m going to write a strongly worded letter to my member of Congress.

    • rowan77 says:

      Forget Congress. I’ll write the President Obama about making it an executive order to bring Adam back (but I think we all know not only will he be back, Rachel will be showrunner and the longing between them will continue.

    • Lizz says:

      I’m actually considering not watching if Adam isn’t on. Yes the crazy girls is fun but the best parts are the Adam and Rachel scenes. It’s their reality in a sea of fantasy. Jeremy is sooooo boring and the obvious choice but come on don’t ruin a good thing or else your ruining a good show.

    • marenfriedman says:

      Love this comment and agree 100%

  4. CoolCoolCool says:

    Jeremy is dullsville. Rachel and Adam’s chemistry on this show is truly off the charts. Would be a shame for showrunners to let that slip away. Not so easily replicated.

  5. Bwhit says:

    I think Adam is going to wash his hands of all of this since he won’t be in season 2 and due to the fact he has real feelings for Rachel and she has no clue what she wants. I don’t think Jeremy will find out about Rachel and Adam, thus creating drama next season and Chet will screw Quinn over somehow and make Rachel the new Quinn (sans sleeping with him). I really hope the show reconsiders and brings back Adam, sorry but Jeremy is a bore but at this point I don’t think Rachel deserves Adam.

    • Chris says:

      “UnREAL” co-creator Sarah Gertrude Shapiro tweeted on twitter last week that she never said that Freddie Stroma won’t be back next season as Adam, and that her and the writers haven’t made any decisions yet!

      • Bwhit says:

        Did you read the interview he did for this site? He didn’t make it sound very promising at all. Perhaps she did that because there is such a strong outcry for him to stay :)

        • Chris says:

          I think she said that to clarify about FS/Adam’ status for “UnREAL” AFTER he did that interview for this website!

      • jbj says:

        I believe that Stroma is still in contract negotiations, so saying that he probably won’t be back is a tactic. Check out his Vulture interview.

  6. rowan77 says:

    I thought that the blackmail part was thin. Rachel is not the only great producer in reality TV. I don’t think it would take much for Quinn to find a willing and able partner for her company. There are a lot of co-executive producers wanting to be in charge. So that felt very contrived. I did enjoy the rest of this dark soap opera, though.

    • I think it’s more about Quinn being able to manipulate Rachel than actually wanting to work with her. Because since the beginning of the show, she blackmailed Rachel to get back with no other reason than torture her. So I think that Quinn sees a lot of herself in Rachel and every time Rachel question her job and her life, Quinn does the same and take it as an offense to her. Like in the scene Rachel says she don’t want to be her and Quinn says she does. It’s like “this girl think is so horrible to be me?”

  7. tvwatcher35 says:

    Shiri Appleby is giving an Emmy worthy performance as Rachel Goldberg. Jeremy makes me yawn everytime he’s in a scene. Rachel and Adam have electric chemistry. The show runners are aware that fans want Adam back. I think everyone is out to get everyone. Its every man/woman for them selves. Everyone is going to get burned. I want Rachel to run away with me.

  8. A says:

    I want Adam to win Rachel’s heart not Jeremy.

  9. Red Lentil Soup says:

    Reblogged this on redlentilsoup and commented:
    This episode has moved away from Rachel’s grittier internal battles (Which is what I watch for. How can one person make such supremely bad decisions, yet how relatable), but I’m still hooked.

    I really can’t tell what’s going to happen next week. Guesses: Rachel won’t go with Adam, will choose Jeremy and come back season 2 on the precipice of a break up with him. Adam will choose Grace, Anna will throw a fit. Rachel will somehow play a similarly catastrophic role in the finale as the previous season. Quinn’s plan will come undone, but what will happen to Quinn?

  10. Charissa29 says:

    The bizarre, often twisted always darkly entertaining relationships behind the scenes are my favorite part of the show. Rachel/Quinn, Rachel/Adam, Quinn/Chet juxtaposed with these girls wanting to marry someone they barely know, and the whole deliciously narcissistic mess covered in fluffy dresses and lip gloss! I just loved it! I can’t wait for season 2!

  11. Dennis says:

    I’m here because I love ROSWELL — a show that introduced me to TV news, spoilers, and fandom!

    #MaxandLiz fan :)

  12. Melissa says:

    I honestly would be very upset if Rachel picked Jeremy. She could have such a better life with Adam. Is it just me, or is Rachel just not herself around Jeremy?

  13. Remy says:

    Apparently, I’m the only one who really likes Jeremy.

  14. Erin B says:

    So is Jeremy’s ex-fiance not working on the show anymore? If she still is, it’s pretty rude of him to shove Rachel in her face. Yet another reason why I don’t think Jeremy is a good guy. Adam certainly has many flaws, but for some reason, I think he’s decent deep down.

  15. Nick says:

    In real life I’d probably be Team Jeremy, but he’s boring on the show.

  16. CoolCoolCool says:

    Losing Freddie Stroma and the Rachel/Adam chemistry would be detrimental to this show. I love Unreal as a whole, but for me, their dynamic is a vital reason to watch week to week. They would be fools to write that off and what? Rely on Jeremy as the love interest for Rachel? Ugh. I sincerely hope not. Ignoring chemistry (or lack there of) is a huge mistake too many promising shows make.

  17. EM says:

    I’m hoping that Adam makes this long passionate speech about his love and both girls beaming thinking it is going to be one of them. And then they show Rachel out of camera view and she realizes he is talking about her and about ready to pick her instead on live TV. She panics….and big cliff for next season. The show must go on so I am sure they will surprise us.

  18. Ashbash says:

    This show is definitely waaaay more entertaining than the Bachelor and the Bachelorette. I just hope they keep Freddie Stroma on the show for next season

  19. co2bl says:

    I really, really want Rachel to pick Adam. I love their scenes together. I hated every moment of her and Jeremy in this episode. Everything from her felt forced and he’s moving on extremely quickly after dumping his fiance. She’s doing to Adam what she did to Jeremy in the past. She’s happy with Adam and I think she’s scared, so she’s runny to her only other option…Jeremy. I liked Jeremy in the beginning but he’s so wishy washy on Rachel that he can’t touch the scenes she has with Adam. I hope he’ll be back next year so he and Rachel will have more great scenes.

  20. Sabrina says:

    Great episode. I’m liking Adam more and more and definitely did not expect him to be the one that wants to actually be with Rachel in real life. I actually expected him to be playing her.

  21. BonnieW says:

    Love the recap, Kimberly….great job!!

  22. How does blah Rachel manage to get these hot men to basically fight over her? Tell me your secret and instruct me in your ways, Goddess! :)

  23. Joy says:

    I want Rachel to pick Adam, Jeremy is kinda boring