Best TV Quotes Of 2019

As TVLine's Year in Review continues, we've rounded up the 65 funniest, most poignant and most memorably bizarre TV quotes from 2019. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this year's television!

EVIL

"You know why this moment's special?"

"Why?"

"Because it'll never happen again."

Married Kristen (Katja Herbers) enjoys a chemically euphoric — and slightly dirty — dance with priest-in-training David (Mike Colter)

FAMILY GUY

"And now that we're owned by Disney, we can have Hercules here! ... No? They won't let us use him? Then what was the point of this whole merger? ... Well, who can we use? ... Launchpad McQuack? No. ... You know what? I am exhausted."  

Peter (Seth MacFarlane) was really counting on that special guest star for the show's ancient Greece episode

GAME OF THRONES

"In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave. In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just. In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent. Arise, Brienne of Tarth — a knight of the Seven Kingdoms."

Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) sweetly grants Brienne the knighthood for which she's been longing

SUPERSTORE

"I'm in a group chat about Chicago Fire, and I don't even know if that's a show or a fire."

Cheyenne (Nichole Bloom) is clearly not familiar with the #OneChicago franchise

SURVIVOR

"I love you, but the other day, two African-Americans wore the [immunity] necklace at the same time, and at our tribal, there was no mention of it at all. It doesn't happen very often. Women typically are the first voted out, minorities are the second. So to have two minorities, on the same day, in a double challenge, wear the necklace... that's just something that I feel like... representation matters, and I feel like my future nieces and nephews and my future other family members need to see that, because we're here, too."

Missy, pointing out to host Jeff Probst his oversight (just before being voted out)

THE END OF THE F**KING WORLD

"You should smile more."

"What?"

"Well, it might never happen."

"It has happened, actually, so f—k off."

Alyssa (Jessica Barden) knows exactly how to handle the sexist tool sitting next to her on the bus

FOR ALL MANKIND

"I need to know you're not some pogue who's going to wilt at the first sign of pressure. I've had guys on FIDO, solid guys, who damn near pissed their pants during a rocky re-entry."

"Well, sir... I don't wear pants."

Tracy (Sarah Jones) argues she has the right stuff for Mission Control

SUPERGIRL

"...Pants!"

The only thing better than Supergirl's new suit is Kara's (Melissa Benoist) reaction to it

THE AFFAIR

"I got through it. I made it through, and I'm more proud of that than anything I've ever done in my life, so please don't f—king pity me."

Helen (Maura Tierney), a true badass, refuses to accept Noah's pity when she details what life was like in the immediate aftermath of his affair

THE GOOD PLACE (Bonus Quote!)

"We hope that our early successes make up for the embarrassing mess we've become. Like Facebook. Or America."

Eleanor (Kristen Bell) tries to put a positive spin on her trainwreck of an experiment

THE MORNING SHOW

"... And what the hell kind of name is Lorelai anyway?"

Daniel (Desean Terry) is not looking forward to sitting through Gilmore Girls: The Musical

WATCHMEN

"How do you know he's 7K?"

"I've got a nose for white supremacy, and he smells like bleach."

Angela (Regina King) assures Judd that the guy she's got in her trunk is a skunk

LIVE IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE: NORMAN LEAR'S ALL IN THE FAMILY AND THE JEFFERSONS

"It's live! Everyone's sitting at home thinking their TVs just messed up."

Jamie Foxx breaks character after he gets tongue-tied on live television

BIG BROTHER

"He looks like Jason Mimosa! [beat] Hold on. Did I say that right?"

Kathryn is immediately smitten with fellow houseguest Jack — even if she's not totally sure which celebrity he resembles

BIG LITTLE LIES

"Shut the f—k up for the rest of your f—ked-up f—king life. Do you hear me? I don't want to hear one f—king word from your f—ked-up, little f—king twerp mouth on why you f—ked up, no matter what f—ked-up excuse you come up with, you f—king f—k s—t f—khead!"

Renata (Laura Dern) is maybe a little upset after learning her husband Gordon slept with the nanny

REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

"Look, your mom made her choice — and we're all here with the consequences of that choice."

Rep. Katie Porter slams Maher — and sends the audience into hysterics — after the host reveals he is personally "squishy" on a woman's right to choose because his mother nearly aborted him

CARD SHARKS

"By the way, if you're just tuning in, you're missing the most exciting episode of Young Sheldon."

Host Joel McHale, as big winner John is fit to be bow-tied

CHICAGO FIRE

"You deserve a better man than me. So I decided... I decided I'm going to be the man you deserve."   

Severide (Taylor Kinney) greets Stella with quite a declaration

DYNASTY

"Save it, Cristal. You've already apologized twice. You think the third time's the charm?"

"...I hope so."

This quick exchange between Fallon (Elizabeth Gillies) and Cristal (Daniella Alonso) was the perfect way of acknowledging that Alonso is, in fact, the show's third actress to play Cristal

ELEMENTARY

"As long as we're together, what does it matter?"

Sherlock (Jonny Lee Miller), after Joan worries about what will happen if Bell doesn't let them return to work

IZOMBIE

"Let's try this again. Perhaps I should introduce myself."

"Oh, no, no, I know who you are, man. You used to play Doogie Howser."

Blaine's (David Anders) 19-year-old neighbor takes a jab at him

MARVEL'S JESSICA JONES

"Hell, no."

Trish (Rachael Taylor) takes the Hellcat costume for a spin — and she's not a fan

KILLJOYS

"I love you, too. Don't make a big deal about it."

Dutch (Hannah John-Kamen), to the very end, was wonderfully Dutch

POSE

"God may have blessed you with Barbies, a backyard with a pony, a boyfriend named Jake and an unwanted pregnancy that your father paid to terminate so you could go to college and major in being a basic bitch... none of these things make you a woman."

That stuffy Long Island yuppie is surely regretting asking Elektra (Dominique Jackson) and her friends to leave the restaurant

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS

"I was married to Charlie Sheen, so I can handle drama."

Denise Richards, cool as a cucumber after a shouting match with Camille Grammer

FULL FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE

"I'm sorry that the media is tired of talking about how the president 'did sexual assault' a bunch, but imagine how tired women are of having a sexual assaulter for president. Of course, it's impossible to hear accusation after accusation without getting accustomed to it. That's no one's fault and I'm not singling anyone out — but when you let him off with softball questions about where he's going to build his library without once mentioning his many accusers, you are dropping the ball, Chuck Todd! No one should ever sit down with President Predator without asking about these 22 women... It matters. It will never stop mattering. You wouldn't interview Jeffrey Dahmer and only ask him about spice blends. If you're not going to hold Trump accountable, you are not a journalist. Go do Sunday morning segments about f–king lasagna, otherwise do your job — please."

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"Producers have struck a deal with Coffee Bean to offer special items based on the characters from Friends. Unfortunately, they have nothing for you if you take your coffee black."

STRANGER THINGS

"We think these Russians want to do harm to our country. Great harm. Don't you love your country?"

"You can't spell 'America' without 'Erica.'"

Erica (Priah Ferguson) gives Scoops Troop a patriotic spelling lesson

SUCCESSION

"I am here as a fellow human, to acknowledge that Lester has passed on. Lester was a man. And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day; in this case, it is Lester who has done so. Lester was alive for 78 years, but no more. Now he is dead. Lester's wife is Maria, they were married for 15 years. Now she is sad."

With Willa's help, Connor (Alan Ruck) delivers a eulogy that won't come back to haunt him

SUITS (Bonus Quote!)

"You know I couldn't have done any of this without you."

"Any of what?"

"Everything."

Harvey (Gabriel Macht), to Donna (Sarah Rafferty)

SUITS

"How's Rachel?"

"Good. In fact, if I told you how good, you probably wouldn't believe me."

Mike (Patrick J. Adams) comments on his wife's (Meghan Markle) royally good situation

THE BACHELORETTE

"I have had sex."

"Say what?"

"Yeah. And Jesus still loves me."

Hannah informs the annoyingly judgmental Luke that she did, in fact, get busy in the Fantasy Suite with another suitor — and she's not going to feel guilty about it

THE BLACKLIST

"Let me get this straight: Raymond Reddington is your father."

"The real one."

"But he's dead because you shot and killed him."

"When I was 4, yeah."

"And after he dies, your mother, Katarina Rostova, puts you in foster care and escapes from the KGB, FBI and the Cabal with the help of her oldest friend, Ilya Koslov, who nips and tucks his way into becoming Mr. Reddington, in order to access the millions that the real Reddington didn't even know he had, in order to finance her disappearance. Is that it?"

"Pretty much."

"You're definitely going to need therapy."

And that's what you've missed on The Blacklist, courtesy of Aram (Amir Arison)

THE HILLS: NEW BEGINNINGS

"I'm a man's man, I like to see a woman's woman. There's boy's boys, there's girl's girls, there's young adults, and then there's adolescents. And then there's guys and girls, and then there's men and women."

We'd like to formally congratulate Justin Bobby on delivering what might have been the most nonsensical rant in reality television history

THE RANCH

"Colt, how did you get in here?"

"Let's just say your assistant's a fan of Michael Kelso, who she thinks I look like."

Colt (Ashton Kutcher) bears a striking resemblance to a certain That '70s Show character, wouldn't you say?

THE TWILIGHT ZONE

"I take it I have your attention. Good. There's a lot to explain."

Original Twilight Zone host Rod Serling "returns" to help protagonist Sophie make sense of her chaotic day

WHY WOMEN KILL

"The Bible says thou shalt not kill. God might not understand."

"Maybe not. But I'm sure God's wife will."

Mary (Analeigh Tipton) isn't sure she can go through with killing her husband... but Beth Ann (Ginnifer Goodwin) has a solid counterpoint

YOUNGER

"You wrote a letter to the wrong guy."

Josh (Nico Tortorella) makes his feelings about Liza's goodbye note known

ARROW (Bonus Quote!)

"Wherever you go, whatever happens to you, you'll never leave me. On our wedding day, you told me I was the best part of you. But the truth is we are the best parts of each other, and that is so much bigger than the friggin' universe." 

"When I came back to Star City to start my mission, I didn't think that I was capable or deserving of love. But you opened up my heart in ways that I never thought were possible. My only regret is not telling you I loved you sooner."

"No regrets."

"Would you tell Mia that I love her every day? And I know that she will grow up to be as smart and as beautiful as her mom."

"I will find you... again. I promise."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) and Oliver (Stephen Amell) say goodbye in their final scene together

BETTER THINGS

"I was in an apartment, with my parents on one side, and my brother, his wife and their baby on the other."

"What was the title?"

"9JKL."

"Oof."

"Yeah, and then it got cancelled."

Mark Feuerstein discusses his most recent project with a fellow stage actor

KILLING EVE

"Don't speak to me like that, Eve. I like you, but I don't like you that much. Don't forget: The only thing that makes you interesting is me."

Villanelle (Jodie Comer) firmly puts Eve back in her place

VEEP

"You'd hate the flowers... but I... I brought the Dubonnet."

Gary (Tony Hale) brings Selina's favorite lipstick to her funeral

YOUNG SHELDON (Bonus Quote!)

"It's the most prestigious award in the field of physics... When I win one, I might just thank you in my speech."

In a bit of foreshadowing, a 10-year-old Sheldon (Iain Armitage) promises his father a mention in his Nobel Prize acceptance speech

GOTHAM

"I'm the Riddler, and tonight Gotham will remember that."

"By blowing up this ding-dong [the mayor]? Didn't you do that already?"

"It's a callback!"

Nygma (Cory Michael Smith) likes his mania to be meta

MADAM SECRETARY

"Best job I ever had."

"So far."

Elizabeth (Téa Leoni) and Matt (Geoffrey Arend) reflect as she prepares to resign as secretary of state and run for president

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

"It's beautiful and natural. I did the same thing when I was your age."

"I doubt with the same level of pageantry."

Lawrence (Sam Straley) thinks he and Timmy (Jack Gore) are talking about masturbation; Timmy thinks they're talking about his puppet shows

BROCKMIRE

"I want to assure you that I'm no Louis C.K. or Charlie Rose — although I did once roleplay as John Lasseter at a Pixar-themed orgy."

Jim (Hank Azaria) assures Gabby that he'll be on his best behavior in the broadcast booth

JANE THE VIRGIN

"Who's here? Abuela, maybe your dead husband's coming back, too! Oh, my God, the movers. I am so sorry. I meant to call earlier. We're actually not moving today because my husband just came back from the dead."

Jane (Gina Rodriguez), mid-monologue spiral, after she hears a knock at the door

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS: THE PERFECTIONISTS

"Ali, Taylor Hotchkiss is dead."

"And I was dead myself for a while. And so were you."

"Point taken."

Just another casual back-and-forth between old pals Mona (Janel Parrish) and Alison (Sasha Pieterse)

SCHITT'S CREEK

"What the hell is your secret, Stevie? You just stand your solid ground, refusing to be anything but you. I never thought I'd say this about anyone in this town, but you... you're very, very cool. And whether you set sail or stay put, that's not going to change. Now why don't we take our Sally by the hand, and we go out there and show those people everything she could be... if she were only more like you."

Moira (Catherine O'Hara), giving the mother of all pep talks to Cabaret's leading lady

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"Now, we've been following this Mueller investigation for two years. I think we even mentioned it on this show a couple of times, and this is... worse than the finale of Lost. I mean, what about the Smoke Monster: real or not? And if not, why have so many members of Trump's campaign pled guilty to lying about meeting with the Smoke Monster? I don't understand... Why couldn't this have been like the ending of Seinfeld? Still disappointing, but at least they're all in jail!"

THIS IS US

"You won the lottery. You won it twice: once, when you got adopted, and again, when you met Beth. I don't know what's going on between you two, but you've gotta get it together. You owe it to the world that let you win the lottery twice."  

Deja (Lyric Ross) gives Randall a much-needed wake-up call

GOOD GIRLS

"You lied to my face!"

"I saved [our daughter]'s life! It wasn't God, or the church, or any of those 'thoughts and prayers.' It was me. You say you don't know who I am? Well let me introduce myself, I'm the crazy-ass bitch that robbed a grocery store to save her child and protect her family — your child, and your family. I'm that bitch. Nice to meet ya. And 'you're welcome.'"

Ruby (Retta) makes clear to husband Stan all that she has done

LAST MAN STANDING

"This one says Toy Story 4, but I don't know how Dad would have that one already."

Eve (Kaitlyn Dever) finds a suspicious movie rental in Buzz Lightyear's Mike's den

91ST ACADEMY AWARDS

"I can't believe a film about menstruation just won an Oscar!"

Rayka Zehtabchi, director of Period. End of Sentence., is overwhelmed by her documentary short's victory

ARROW

"[Archival video] Look, you don't become successful in my line of work without being really good at sizing people up. Trust me, Oliver Queen is no one's hero."

"Obviously, this particular comment didn't age too well."

Bodyguard Diggle's (David Ramsey) words come back to haunt him

GREY'S ANATOMY

"I met someone. And he's hot, and he's confident, and he likes me. And I'm gay. And he's gay. And we're gay... together. And it's the most me I ever felt in my whole life."

Levi (Jake Borelli), coming out to Meredith, Jo and the whole O.R.

SUPERNATURAL

"Son, I am so sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. But you did your best. You fought for us and loved us. That's enough."

John (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and Sam (Jared Padalecki) finally make amends

THE WALKING DEAD

"I told you there was nothing out there."

"You sure as s—t did."

"Language! I'm a kid, a—hole!"

Judith (Cailey Fleming), chastising Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) upon his return from his jailbreak

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"It's time to celebrate. You know what that means: This B needs a C in her A."

"Oh my God!"

"This babe needs a coconut in her arms."

"Ohhhhh. I thought you were saying, 'This [bleep] needs a [bleep] in her [bleep].'"

"Oh my God!"

"Yeah, that was my reaction!"

Amy (Melissa Fumero) and Jake (Andy Samberg) have an extremely dirty misunderstanding

CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER

"Was Joey [Lawrence] in Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor?"

While trying to place Blossom actor Joey Lawrence, Olympian Ryan Lochte invents a new title for Home Improvement

76TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBES

"Crazy Rich Asians is nominated tonight for Best Picture, Musical or Comedy. It is the first studio film with an Asian-American lead since Ghost in the Shell and Aloha."

[off-screen] "I'm sorry!"

Emma Stone makes a formal (but, sadly, off-camera) apology for appearing in the film Aloha as a half-Asian character

THE GOOD PLACE

"There's this chicken sandwich that, if you eat it, it means you hate gay people. And it's delicious!"

Eleanor (Kristen Bell) points out how hard it is to live ethically down on Earth these days

YOUNG SHELDON

"What are you working on?"

"A list of potential boyfriends for my Cabbage Patch doll. How do you think Celeste would look next to Joey Lawrence?"

"I don't know who that is."

"He's Blossom's brother."

"I don't know who that is."

"It's a show. She wears hats."

Missy (Raegan Revord) fills Sheldon (Iain Armitage) in on his future wif— we mean, Blossom

CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS (PART 2)

"Is that him?"

"It's either him or the buff guy on the paper towel rolls."

Iris (Candice Patton) and Lois (Elizabeth Tulloch) realize that, even without superstrength, Earth-167's Clark Kent is a brawny fella

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LUCIFER 

"Vatican Investigator — it sounds like a soon-to-be-cancelled TV show."

Father Kinley hands Lucifer (Tom Ellis) his card
 

LUCIFER

"...and that is what the birth process looks like up close. Any questions?"

"Can we see the part about the torn perineum again, please?"

OK, who let the torture-loving demon (Lesley-Ann Brandt) into Lamaze class?