×

Move Aside, McCarthy: Veep's Jonah Volunteers for Speaker of the House — See Why 'The J-Man' Wants the Role

Veep Jonah

As Rep. Kevin McCarthy was poised to lose his ninth bid for the Speaker of the House position Thursday, history’s only (fictional) impeached vice president made a bold political move.

“I hereby nominate myself to be Speaker of the House. (Note to Richard: is this legal?)?” Veep‘s Jonah Ryan wrote in a memo relayed by David Mandel, an executive producer of the HBO comedy. “The Constitution doesn’t actually say that the Speaker must be a member of Congress, so it can be anyone, and since Elon Musk has made it clear that he doesn’t want the job (Note to Richard: has he?), I believe I am the next, logical choice.”

The memo referred to Republican leader McCarthy’s ongoing attempt to be named Speaker of the House, which is being opposed by a group of his fellow Republicans who are demanding concessions and/or other candidates. The impasse has brought the business of the House of Representatives to a halt and, so far, has lasted three days.

Fans of the Emmy-winning Veep, which wrapped in 2019, will remember Timothy Simons Jonah as an arrogant, asinine political climber who worked under Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ Selina Meyer and eventually became her vice-president when was elected to the Oval Office. Via a flashforward to Selina’s funeral in the series’ finale, we learned that Jonah eventually got impeached.

But that didn’t stop him from offering his thoughts on the current Speaker of the House imbroglio. Among his key musings about why he’s right for the job: “I saw Top Gun: Maverick 18 times in a theater. Boom!” and “We must raise the debt ceiling along with all the other ceilings in Federal office buildings. They are too low, and I am sick of hitting my head.”

Both Simons and President Meyer herself retweeted the memo. On a related note, Louis-Dreyfus posted about the Speaker mess on Instagram, with the caption, “If we don’t win an Emmy for this episode of @veephbo I’m leaving the TV Academy.”

Read Jonah’s rambling thoughts below, then hit the comments with your own!

My Fellow Americans —

After seven or eight rounds of voting to elect a Speaker, no consensus has emerged in our House of Representatives, leaving our government — and our country — mired in disarray. The levers of policy stand idly by as the chamber is unable to carry out basic business- debating tax breaks for the wealthy, passing tax breaks for the wealthy, carrying out oversight of the IRS to stop them from bothering the wealthy, or receiving secret national security updates and using that insider information to buy stocks. What the House is doing now is not working, the time has coming for something bold.

As a former Congressman and impeached Vice President, I hereby nominate myself to be Speaker of the House. (Note to Richard: is this legal?). The Constitution doesn’t actually say that the Speaker must be a member of Congress, so it can be anyone, and since Elon Musk has made it clear that he doesn’t want the job (Note to Richard: has he?), I believe I am the next, logical choice.

First and foremost, let me be clear about one thing: I am willing to make whatever concessions anyone wants so I can get this job, no matter how humiliating. I do not feel shame the way other people do.

Please consider the following reasons the J-man should be Speaker:

  • I saw Top Gun: Maverick 18 times in a theater. Boom!I’ve been speaking all my life. My stupid mother says I said my first words at age 6. It was “ball.”
  • Any member can call a snap vote on the Speaker (whatever the fuck that is, if they can beat me at Madden ’23. I call the Rams.The Rules Committee shall have one rule: there are no rules.
  • I have had COVID 27 times, AND I will not wear a mask (at least not until they make one that fits over my abnormally large jaw. Also my ears are not the same height)
  • Bigger gavel.
  • The Ethics Committee will be hand chosen by private prison magnate and casino owner Sherman Tanz and his protege Rep. George Santos.
  • If Prince William ever came at me, I would knock him on his ass.
  • I will wear a fly white suit like Deion Sanders and Nancy Pelosi.
  • I currently have COVID which I caught in a theater while watching Top Gun: Maverick
  • We must raise the debt ceiling along with all the other ceilings in Federal office buildings. They are too low, and I am sick of hitting my head.

God Bless America,

Former Vice-President Jonah Ryan

TAGS: , ,
GET MORE: News
x