The Conners Minus Roseanne?! 10 Ways the Spinoff Can Write Her Out


When the cast of Roseanne returns to its Tuesday lead-off spot this fall, it will do so with a new show title — and without its disgraced leading lady.

To recap, ABC on Thursday officially ordered to series The Conners, a Roseanne revival spinoff sans Roseanne Barr, whose racist tweet led to last month’s stunning cancellation of the TV season’s top-rated comedy and No. 2 scripted program. The “new” sitcom will inevitably address the family matriarch’s whereabouts (or lack thereof) — though its options seem as limited as they are awkward. That’s where we come in.

What follows are just a few suggestions for how to approach the elephant in the room, before the series attempts to move on…

TOP 10 WAYS THE CONNERS
COULD WRITE OUT ROSEANNE BARR

10. Unable to kick her habit, Roseanne is now in rehab to overcome her opioid addiction.

9. Goes in for knee surgery, but shockingly dies on the table. Her death is only addressed when Dan receives a postcard in the mail from her gym offering a free kung-fu lesson.

8. Overheard cracking wise at a Lanford diner by a Hollywood agent, Roseanne is hired to join the writing staff of Last Man Standing.

7. Now playing the role of Roseanne Conner is… Christopher Plummer.

6. Goes to visit Jerry on his Alaskan fishing boat, where she also meets Chuck Cunningham and Bobby Martin; hasn’t told anyone when she’ll return.

5. After tumbling from her stair lift, Roseanne has amnesia and is strolling around Chicago claiming to be Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

4. Runs off after falling in love with a female pharmacist played by Valerie Harper.

3. Crushed by a grand piano. The camera then pans out to show Valerie Jarrett in the director’s chair, as she exclaims, “Winning!” [Cue harmonica wail]

2. What do you mean “gone”? She’s… just… always in another room.

1. Season 10 was Dan’s Ambien-infused dream.

How do you think The Conners will address Roseanne’s absence? And will you even watch? Answer the poll below.