As it turns out, Danny Tanner was an even bigger downer than you thought.
Or, at least, that’s what Lifetime’s Unauthorized Full House Story would have us believe. The two-hour movie, which debuted Saturday night on the cable channel, purported to relate the behind-the-scenes drama that went on as the ABC sitcom rose to popularity in the 1990s.
One recurring theme: Bob Saget really, really hated playing clean freak/overhugger dad Danny.
Aside from that, even according to a project intending to out the most salacious real-life OMG moments, there just wasn’t that much gossipy fodder.
Among the telepic’s reveals and/or WTFull House moments:
* Dave Coulier became Uncle Joey as a sort of consolation prize after having — then losing — a slot as a Saturday Night Live cast member. Also, the Coulier mullet wig is on. point.
* Bob Saget was too edgy for a CBS morning show; when he was fired from that gig, he somehow managed to wiggle onto Full House despite the fact that the pilot had already been shot… with someone else playing Danny.
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* The actresses playing the Olsen twins were, like, 5… right?
* Series creator Jeff Franklin revised his network pitch for House of Comics on the fly when ABC wasn’t enamored of his “hip” concept about three feckless stand-up comedians living together. After he added some kids, everyone was on board!
* Candace Cameron was “only OK” in her audition, but she insisted on a second reading and got the part. (I guess wild gesticulating was the key?)
* At one point, Coulier and Saget joked that the show eventually would reveal that all three of the guys were gay… and John Stamos believed it for a hot minute.
* Was anyone else thrown by the fact that the set looked nothing like the Full House set?
* Stamos and Saget butted heads from the beginning, though more in a “annoying brother” way than in a “I’m going to try to get you fired” way. The guys’ bonding trip to the least populated casino in Las Vegas seemed to ease tensions.
* Coulier liked to fart… a lot. His flatulence was even on display when the cast learned about the Season 2 renewal.
* Saget once got reprimanded for dancing around the set with a dressmaker’s dummy.
* That’s supposed to be Paula Abdul? Really?
* You have not lived until you’ve heard Justin Gaston playing John Stamos playing Bob Dylan.
* The Olsen twins’ parents quickly realized their daughter’s popularity, much to the chagrin of the show’s cast and powers that be.
* Saget, Coulier and Stamos once got high on whipped cream cans during a live taping of the show.
* Everyone had a great time at Cameron’s wedding to NHL player Valeri Bure in 1996, but Jodie Sweetin’s great time — a harbinger of terrible things to come — conveniently didn’t make it into the film.
What parts of the movie had you saying “Huh?” Favorite moments? Most egregious scenes? Sound off in the comments!