Quotes Of The Week For April 15, 2018
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ROSEANNE
"Apparently, at my age, I'm not supposed to enjoy a healthy sex life... with multiple partners... in multiple parts of the facility."
"Oh my God!"
"What? I had sex. Is that so difficult to imagine?"
"Not anymore. Now it's hard to stop imagining!"
Bev (Estelle Parsons) shocks — and disgusts — Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) when she reveals why she got kicked out of her nursing home
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BARRY
"Wow, look at your outfit!"
"Yeah, I went to J.Crew, and this was on the mannequin."
Barry (Bill Hader) explains his very specific fashion sense to Natalie (D'Arcy Carden)
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RIVERDALE
"I will not succumb to thespian terrorism!"
Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) won't let a few pesky death threats get in the way of her starring in the school musical
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RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE
"I've decided to be completely nude as an homage to body positivity. I'm shaped like a fat baby already, so why not give them, like, legit fat sexy baby?"
Only on this show could an explanation like Eureka's make complete sense
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LA TO VEGAS
"Hey there, passengers, as we approach L.A., a little reminder... Next time you're in Calabasas, stop by Calabasics, the destination for premium business-casual ponchos. Half-blanket and half-shirt, they're the beautiful biracial baby of women's fashion."
Captain Dave (Dylan McDermott), shilling for his girlfriend's business over the plane's PA system
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ATLANTA
"I just learned how to make pasta."
"N—a, when'd you learn to make pasta?"
"In a dream. Yeah, Mayor McCheese was there, the girl from Dharma & Greg..."
Darius (Lakeith Stanfield) is eager to share the delicious results of his dream with Alfred (Brian Tyree Henry)
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YOUNG SHELDON
"What kind of homework is it?"
"Grammar."
"I ain't great with grammar."
"Well, grammar's just talking, and we both talk good."
Missy (Raegan Revord) asks Georgie (Montana Jordan) to help complete her homework assignment
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IZOMBIE
"You hate warm weather and This Is Us."
"Yes, it's emotionally manipulative."
Peyton (Aly Michalka) is surprised by Clive's (Malcolm Goodwin) Tinder profile
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SUPERNATURAL
"And you've seen...?"
"Oh, everything."
"You mean, like, everything everything?"
"I'm especially fond of Sam's impressive... extensive array of hair products."
When Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) discover Jessica the reaper (Kayla Stanton) has been watching over them, her response doesn't go where expected — much to Sam's relief?
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THE ORIGINALS
"It's a historical building."
Caroline (Candice King) explains to Klaus why they're bothering to clean up the bloody mess he made
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SUITS
"This is going to be a heck of a duel."
"I know. He's going to be the Burr to your Hamilton."
"But Hamilton dies."
"Not this time, Louis. Not this time."
Louis (Rick Hoffman) and Katrina (Amanda Schull) prepare for legal battle with Sheila's fiancé
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THE BIG BANG THEORY
"You guys wanna see a real star? I just got retweeted... by Patton Oswalt's brother."
Stuart (Kevin Sussman) lets his newfound Twitter "fame" get to his head
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SUPERGIRL
"Karaoke is not for the weak. It requires either great courage or a complete lack of shame."
M'yrnn J'onzz (Carl Lumbly) has made some astute observations during his brief time on Earth, but this might be the most accurate one yet
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GREY'S ANATOMY
"I don't think I need my neck anymore."
Maggie (Kelly McCreary), high on pot cookies and sure that her level head can stay on her shoulders without any support
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GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)
"I thought marijuana made people peaceful, but I don't think I've ever hated you more."
Bailey (Chandra Wilson), her mellow harshed by April's end-of-an-era bad news
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BROOKLYN NINE-NINE (Bonus Quote!)
"My doctor said I should be more active, but my squash club recently transitioned to racquetball. Since I'm not a dope-smoking hooligan, I decided to quit."
Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) explains why he's taken up yoga
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BROOKLYN NINE-NINE
"Whatcha looking at? Did the Kanye West cannibalism story finally break?"
"What? Is that a thing?"
"Yeah. He eats tiny little bites of people when he hugs them goodbye. I tipped off Page Six. I don't know why they're sitting on it."
Gina (Chelsea Peretti) fills Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) in on one of the music industry's alleged best-kept secrets
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SUPERSTORE
"When you watch Terms of Endearment, Debra Winger doesn't actually have cancer."
"I haven't seen it yet. It's on my list, but I still have a lot of TV to get through. We're in a golden age of television!"
Jonah (Ben Feldman) hasn't gotten around to a 35-year-old Best Picture winner because of... #PeakTV?
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SUPERSTORE (Bonus Quote!)
"We were both feeling a little lonely, so we started drinking. Then we started laughing and talking about the good old days, and he was wearing an Obama T-shirt, and I just miss Obama so much!"
Amy (America Ferrera) explains how she wound up in bed with her ex-husband
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ONCE UPON A TIME
"You honestly think a pin cushion is going to work on me...?"
Rumple (Robert Carlyle) scoffs at Facilier's Dark One voodoo doll
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THE FLASH
"'Thanks for the badass new jacket. I got some blood on it. Don't worry, it's not ours.' [Off Iris' look] I guess her humor is an acquired taste."
Caitlin (Danielle Panabaker) shares one of the notes Killer Frost has left her
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BLACK LIGHTNING
"I know you're thinking, 'Why is this funny-looking Negro always messing with me?' I love it, though. Something about your velour tracksuit-wearing ass I just like dragging."
Tobias (Marvin Jones III) brings Lala in for a beating — again
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LOST IN SPACE
"You're a bad kisser!"
Penny (Mina Sundwall) gets in the last word after Vijay jilts her in Episode 8
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LOST IN SPACE (Bonus Quote!)
"I don't want your chicken."
"And I don't want to hurl through space in a Thermos. But here we are."
Don (Ignacio Serricchio) gives Judy (Taylor Russell) something to remember him by in Episode 8
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MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.
"Awww. You two are adorable. I 'ship it. I really do."
OK, maybe Ruby (Dove Cameron) isn't — wasn't? — all bad
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MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (Bonus Quote!)
"What?"
"You wearing body spray?!"
Mack (Henry Simmons) has a question to Axe Deke (Jeff Ward)