Quotes Of The Week For Sept. 17, 2017

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"Why are you calling him Rocket Man? That's not a diss, that's a cool nickname. You're making him sound like a character from Top Gun."

Meyers questions Trump's decision to slap an Elton John song title on Kim Jong-un

BELOW DECK

"Usually, tequila is only paired with, like, bad decisions and hangovers, so we can make that happen."

Chief stewardess Kate, after a charter guest requests tequila pairings with dinner

TRANSPARENT

"I would like to go to Israel before I die. I planted a tree there."

"Darling, we all planted trees there. I think it's a scam."

Bryna (Jenny O'Hara) gives Shelly (Judith Light) one less reason to visit the Holy Land

TRANSPARENT (Bonus Quote!)

"Family is gross, but it's important."

Sarah (Amy Landecker) explains to Josh and Aly the significance of weekly Pfefferman gatherings

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT

"Tell me what you're afraid of."

"OK. Can I be honest? I'm afraid that Sonja on The Real Housewives of New York has a drinking problem."

Meadow (Leslie Grossman), revealing to Kai (Evan Peters) her darkest fear

69TH PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS

"There are so many talented African-American nominees: Jeffrey Wright, Viola Davis, Samira Wiley, Uzo Aduba, Anthony Anderson... and, of course, Bill Maher. I assume he's black because he's so comfortable using the N-word."

Stephen Colbert takes a jab at the Real Time host's (second or third) most recent controversy

DIFFICULT PEOPLE

"Julie! Oh, thank God! I was stuck in a re-reboot of The Odd Couple. It was a nightmare. I mean, not as bad as the Matthew Perry thing, but..."

Billy's (Billy Eichner) ayahuasca trip took a real dark turn

DIFFICULT PEOPLE (Bonus Quote!)

"Sherlock this, Sherlock that... I didn't pledge $3 to watch Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman not kiss!"

Arthur plays back a voicemail left by a (rightfully?) angry PBS viewer

THE GOOD PLACE

"It's a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow. Or someone on the Internet saying, 'You know what? You've convinced me I was wrong.'"

Michael (Ted Danson) explains to Chidi just how rare it is to wind up with multiple soulmates in "The Good Place"

THE DAILY SHOW WITH TREVOR NOAH

"Last night's Emmys were really amazing, and so full of black people, I was waiting for the show to get pulled over by the police."

ZOO

"Soft underbelly — just like you."

To save Abe, Dariela (Alyssa Diaz) slides beneath a razorback for a kill shot

MIDNIGHT, TEXAS

"My flesh is burning. Stop talking."

Lem (Peter Mensah) has no time in the sun for Manfred's mission statement

THE LAST SHIP

"Fever?"

"Nope."

"Sweats?"

"Nada."

"Heart racing?"

"Cool as a cucumber. But if you keep shining that light in my eyes, things might change."

Yep, Slattery (Adam Baldwin) is back to his old self

GOTHAM

"Honestly, you two. Why can't you go to the cinema like normal teenagers?"

Alfred (Sean Pertwee) finds Bruce and Selina just hanging out... on a precarious ledge

GOTHAM (Bonus Quote!)

"Look at how I have risen. But at what cost? I wonder which of us is frozen."

"Him. He's, like, totally frozen."

Ivy (Maggie Geha) maybe isn't the sharpest spade in the gardening shed

THE STRAIN

"You scared the s—t out of me! Why didn't you say something?!"

"Like what?"

"Like, 'Hey, I'm back from the Empire State Building and I'm just standing in the dark like a crazy vampire.'"

Quinlan (Rupert Penry-Jones) gives Dutch (Ruta Gedmintas) a scare

THE ORVILLE

"The Callivon should be willing to talk to us as long as [the technologically superior] Isaac is with us."

"White dude can go to Compton as long as the black guy says it's cool."

"I have no idea what that means, but yes."

LaMarr (J. Lee) gives Alara (Halston Sage) a crash course on human race relations