Quotes Of The Week For April 17, 2016

"Kara, call Harrison Ford and tell him that I'm flattered, but once and for all, I do not date older men — especially when they're married."

Funny how Cat (Calista Flockhart) and Harrison Ford's wife look so much alike, hmm?

"Ryan and Espo caught a homicide. You wanna join them?"

"Why? Got a crime scene right here — my mother just killed the mood."

Martha owns the same negligee as Kate (Stana Katic)? Yeah, we're with Rick (Nathan Fillion) on this one

"Standing in Fillory was the greatest moment of my life and not just because, as I later found out, the air is .02 percent opium, which is a pretty unfair trick to get you to love a place, but whatever. We loved it."

Quentin (Jason Ralph) marvels at the wonders of being in the magical world from his favorite book series

"Ah, Detective Babineaux. And... Daft Punk."

Vaughn (Steven Weber) encounters Liv and Major disguised in full-on police riot gear

"Will no one rid me of this meddlesome Jason Priestley type?!"

Vaughn (Steven Weber) just wants one of the zombies to take out Major already

"This is our chance to be like the Olsen twins."

"But less depressing and without Mary-Kate's weird, old French guy."

Rogelio's step-daughters (Vanessa and Veronica Merrell) want to follow in the famous twins' fashion footsteps — with a few tweaks

"Bernie Sanders and his wife saw the hit Broadway musical Hamilton. Said Sanders afterwards, 'That's not how I remember it!.... There wasn't this much singing!'"

"Please tell me... we didn't...."

"Did we ever! And I'm pretty sure we made Rosemary's baby."

Chloe (Lauren German) fears she did the deed with the Prince of Darkness (Tom Ellis)

"As you can see, the Devil does indeed wear Prada."

Lucifer (Tom Ellis) gives a homeless man the (pricey) shirt off his back

"So Hydra's in the oil business now? It's like they're not even trying to avoid the bad guy cliches."

Coulson (Clark Gregg) declares Hydra's "Evil Organization" BINGO card to be full

"Um, are they in love?"

"Yes, very much so."

After Connie (Busy Philipps) witnesses Nick and Schmidt's emotional resolution to a fight, Cece (Hannah Simone) confirms what we've suspected for years

"You're hollow, Paul. There's nothing inside. I filled you in with hunches. All I know for sure is you won't protect me."

A suspicious Beth (Tatiana Maslany) confronts Paul

"Well, damn. You ever seen one of those before? Surgically bifurcated penis."

"I don't see any advantage to that."

"Perhaps it's a statement of masculine/feminine duality, Art."

"No, it isn't."

Art (Kevin Hanchard) does not understand the Neolutionist body modification discovered by his police colleague Janis (Jean Yoon)
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"Did you just pee yourself? I have two kids, I know that face!"

Rebecca (Rachel Bloom) tries to keep her UTI from Paula (Donna Lynne Champlin), to no avail

"Oh, come on.... What's the harm in us just taking a look around?"

"With this group? Clearly you haven't been paying attention."

Sara's (Caity Lotz) want to get wild in the Old West is questioned by Stein (Victor Garber)

"Jim Stillwater, you are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney..."

"There won't be Miranda rights for another 100 years."

Snart (Wentworth Miller) reins in Ray's run as a Wild West sheriff

"I'd recognize that scar from 20 miles away."

"You must have fantastic vision."

"Or it's a gigantic scar."

"I was clearly exaggerating. Why do you have to ruin everything?!"

FBI Special Agent Anderson (Dennis Haysbert) and Captain Holt (Andre Braugher) take Jake wayyyy too literally

"How are we gonna get home?"

"Ride with Jackson. Then you guys can talk some more and not tell me what's going on. Because that's always fun."

Jessie (Bre Blair) doesn't like being kept out of the Quitman boys' club