Best TV Quotes Of 2017

THE BIG BANG THEORY

"That Howard, always making fun of you!"

"Howard doesn't mean anything by it. I think it's cultural. His people come from a very sarcastic village called Brooklyn."

Raj (Kunal Nayyar) defends Wolowitz's mean-spirited jokes to his father (Brian George)

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW (Bonus Quote!)

"You know I can't say no when you look at me like that."

"That is why I look at you like that."

And with that sweet exchange, The Ray (Russell Tovey) and Leo-X (Wentworth Miller) just became our favorite Arrowverse couple

89TH ACADEMY AWARDS

"This is not a joke. Moonlight has won Best Picture."

After mistakenly being given the Oscars' top prize, La La Land producer Jordan Horowitz announces the real Best Picture winner, to much confusion

BETTER CALL SAUL

"You seem to be risking a lot for a drug dealer."

"Drug dealer? If that's all that you think he is, then you don't know Gustavo Fring."

Oh, Lydia (Laura Fraser): Mike (Jonathan Banks) doesn't know the half of it... yet

REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

"I knew you was gonna f—k up sooner or later."

Ice Cube, calling out the late-night host for using the N-word in a previous episode

BLUE BLOODS

"Everything will be a family decision, because that is what we are and that is what we will always be. A family. Me, you, your brother and your mom, god rest her soul."

"She was brave for you. We can be brave, too."

Sean (Andrew Terraciano) says the things his dad (Donnie Wahlberg) needs to hear

BOJACK HORSEMAN

"Oh, Beatrice, you know ice cream is for boys. You can sprinkle some sugar on a lemon. That's a good, healthy girl snack."

1940s housewife Honey (Jane Krakowski) gives her daughter Beatrice a helpful diet tip

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"My son is a basic bitch."

Charles (Joe Lo Truglio), a well-established foodie, is especially upset that adopted son Nikolaj is a picky eater

THE CARMICHAEL SHOW

"I'm taping this, just so you know. If you shoot anyone, you'll probably keep your job, but it's going to be a rough couple of weeks."

The mass shooting episode's most biting commentary comes when Nekeisha (Tiffany Haddish) warns Officer Zimmerman (yes, really!) that she's filming his every move

CHICAGO FIRE

"I've never been to a firefighter bar before."

"Oh, yeah, we've got cops, doctors, lawyers. [Pauses] Well, not so many lawyers anymore."

Dawson (Monica Raymund) takes a cheeky dig at Chicago Justice's cancellation

DANCING WITH THE STARS

"If I could just address kids watching: If you're going to school and you see somebody who's different? Don't be an ass."

Tom Bergeron has a message for the country's bullies, after Victoria Arlen performs a quickstep inspired by peers who made fun of her in school

FARGO

"Let me tell you what's gonna happen next: Three agents from Homeland Security are gonna put handcuffs on you and take you to Rikers... Then I'm gonna go home to my son. It's his birthday tomorrow. I promised I'd take him to the state fair. You ever guess a pig's weight? Or eat a deep-fried Snickers bar? There's no better way to spend a Saturday in this, our great American experiment. So while you're eating mashed potatoes from a box in a dark room, think of me, among the amber waves of grain."

Gloria (Carrie Coon) calmly lays out Varga's not-so-bright future for him

GAME OF THRONES (Bonus Quote!)

"You stand accused of murder. You stand accused of treason. How do you answer these charges... Lord Baelish?"

Just when Sansa (Sophie Turner) seemed ready to put her sister on trial, she instead turns the tables on master manipulator Littlefinger

GAME OF THRONES

"Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me."

Lady Olenna (Diana Rigg) uses her last breath to finally reveal to Jaime that she was responsible for Joffrey's death

GREY'S ANATOMY

"I'm sorry."

"Don't... Don't apologize. If this were Derek, I would already be gone."

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), reassuring Nathan (Martin Henderson) that he doesn't have to apologize for being excited that "late" love Megan has been found alive

HALT AND CATCH FIRE

"Let me start by asking a question..."

Joe (Lee Pace) closes out the series the same way he began it

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW

"I refuse to set foot on the Titanic! Whoever built that ship should be shot."

Stein serves up a nod to portrayer Victor Garber's film role as shipbuilder Thomas Andrews

MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS

"Blink twice if you're JonBenét Ramsey."

Billy Eichner tries to get Katy Perry to confirm a crazy Internet conspiracy theory

ONCE UPON A TIME

"It appears that I've found something much bigger than what's on those tapes... dearie."

Rumple (Robert Carlyle) is awake!

ORPHAN BLACK

"Watching her raise my sister, watching my sister raise her own daughter, finding my biological sister... It's taught me that we are all mysterious works of chance, of choice, of nature versus nurture. So to my galaxy of women, thank you for the nurture."

Felix's (Jordan Gavaris) toast to Mrs. S, Sarah, Adele, etc. is getting us all choked up

PREACHER

"He's your dad, isn't he? Or your uncle or somethin'?"

"No. He's my son."

Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun), at last revealing to Tulip (Ruth Negga) his real connection to his (very) old pal, Denis

PRISON BREAK

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

In the end, as always, it comes down to brotherhood

RIVERDALE

"Uh, I usually do the honors."

"Not today, Cha Cha. I was born for this moment."

Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch), replacing Toni (Vanessa Morgan) as the flag girl at the Snakes-vs.-Ghoulies drag race

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"Following recent sexual assault allegations against Kevin Spacey, Netflix has announced that House of Cards will end after next season. So I guess it is possible to get a president to step down over sexual assault allegations."

THE BACHELORETTE

"You compared the NAACP to the KKK! That's f—king blasphemy! That's stupid, bro. That's really asinine. That's disrespectful to compare the f—king KKK, who burned and hung crosses in people's front lawns, to the NAACP. Do you know what that is? For me, I want to sit you down and give you History one-oh-f—king-one, because that's stupid."

During The Men Tell All, DeMario — hardly the only cast member to do so — tears into Lee for a series of racist tweets he posted before appearing on the reality series

THE BRAVE

"You're tough. But you're a girl."

"Maybe I'm tough because I'm a girl."

Jaz (Natacha Karam) gives a young Nigerian girl someone to look up to

THE GOOD PLACE

"Janet, what's a food that people think they enjoy but that's also kind of a bummer?"

"[without hesitating] Frozen yogurt."

As it turns out, Janet (D'Arcy Carden) is responsible for one of the most diabolical aspects of Michael's neighborhood

THE LEFTOVERS

"What did you write?"

"That's for me to know and some lonely Eskimo to find out."

Kevin (Justin Theroux), charmingly refusing to reveal to Nora (Carrie Coon) what he'd written as the message of love to be flown away from a wedding by a homing pigeon

TWIN PEAKS

"What about the FBI?"

"I am the FBI."

Yep, Agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) is "100 percent" back!

VEEP

"Catherine's on bed rest. She's been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix."

"Well, why should her cervix be any different than the rest of her?"

Selina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) responds with her usual maternal affection when Marjorie (Clea DuVall) updates her on Catherine's pregnancy woes

WILL & GRACE

"Oh, for God's sake, don't cry. You look like Jeff Sessions watching a black man vote!"

Karen (Megan Mullally) to a tearful Beverley Leslie before his confession that he's gay

12 MONKEYS

"Greetings, a—hole. I'm future a—hole."

Cole (Aaron Stanford) introduces himself to himself

CONAN

"A study found that babies as young as six months old can be racist. Or as Steve Bannon calls them, 'prodigies.'"

EMPIRE

"Fake-ass Clair Huxtable."

Cookie (Taraji P. Henson) shades Angelo's mom Diana (Cosby Show's Phylicia Rashad), temporarily shattering the proverbial fourth wall in the process

FEUD: BETTE AND JOAN

"I can promise you the vote tally is beyond reproach. The people at Price Waterhouse are honest to a fault!"

Academy president Wendell Corey (Anthony Tyler Quinn) vouches for the integrity of the Oscars' accounting firm — 54 years before their little slip-up

GIRLS

"Elijah's not here. Jessa sure as hell isn't here. Adam isn't here. Shoshanna literally despises all of us. Who's here? I'm here. I win. I'm your best friend. I'm the best at being your friend. I love you the most."

Marnie (Allison Williams) makes a strong — and terrifying — case for helping Hannah raise her baby

IZOMBIE

"There's one silver lining to forgetting everything."

"What?"

"You'll knock me off my feet all over again."

Major (Robert Buckley), on the verge of memory loss, sweeps Liv (Rose McIver) off her feet

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

"If your baby is going to die and it doesn't have to, it shouldn't matter how much money you make. That's something, whether you're a Republican or a Democrat or something else, we all agree on that, right?"

After sharing the gut-wrenching story of his newborn son's heart surgery, Kimmel makes an emotional plea for bipartisan collaboration on health care

THE RACHEL MADDOW SHOW

"For the record, the First Amendment gives us the right to publish the return. It is not illegally published, nor are we fake. Pinch me, I'm real!"

SCORPION

"And you're lucky I'm a kid. If I was bigger, I would fight you. You hurt my mother."

Ralph (Riley B. Smith), after Walter tries to justify dismissing Paige from Team Scorpion

SUPERGIRL

"Did I mention that I'm a black belt?"

[Lena KOs Jack's CFO]

"Did I mention that I'm a Luthor?"

Lena (Katie McGrath) does the family name proud

SUPERNATURAL (Bonus Quote!)

"By the time we leave, Dr. Hess wants to know everything about our friends, the Winchesters. Their allies, their habits, how does Sam get his hair so shiny, how many ratty flannels does Dean have."

Doesn't Mr. Ketch (David Haydn-Jones) know that Sam's hair care routine is a closely guarded secret?

THE FLASH

"I've actually seen [Barry] sing."

"What? You have? How have we not made a GIF of that?!"

Cisco (Carlos Valdes), speaking for all of the Internet

THE MIDDLE

"Why do you care so much about something you ignore most of the time?"

"Well, by that theory, what are you still doing with Mom?"

Brick (Atticus Shaffer) goes for the jugular when Mike (Neil Flynn) questions why he wants him to keep the family pool

THE DAILY SHOW WITH TREVOR NOAH

"You have to make the [U.S.-Mexico border] wall out of something impossible to get through, so I guess Season 1 of Iron Fist, yeah?"

UNDERGROUND

"There's two things I got a right to: death, or liberty. One or the other, I mean to have. No one will take me back alive."

Harriet Tubman (Aisha Hinds) shares the simple truth that kept her soldiering on

THE WALKING DEAD

"You're one of the good things in this world. That's what Glenn thought. And he would know... because he was one of the good things, too."

Maggie (Lauren Cohan), sweetly reassuring Daryl that he didn't need to carry around any guilt over her husband's murder

ARROW

"When I think of all the people that I have lost... I remember the choices that I was forced to make in light of those tragedies. Some choices were easy. But the important choices, the choices that were worth making, they were hard. And hard choices require bravery. Fortunately, we live in the home of the brave. And we don't run from hard choices. We rise up, and we face tomorrow together."

Mayor Queen (Stephen Amell) addresses the citizens of Star City following a violent attack that sparked questions about gun control

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA'S FAREWELL ADDRESS

"I am asking you to hold fast to that faith written into our founding documents... a creed at the core of every American whose story is not yet written: Yes, we can. Yes, we did. Yes, we can."

BATES MOTEL

"Mother, are you smoking?"

"I'm dead. It's not like it's going to kill me."

Norma (Vera Farmiga), refusing to let Norman (Freddie Highmore) scold her about her bad habit

FRESH OFF THE BOAT

"I'll have the 'Randy.'"

"The who?"

"Randy from Home Improvement. You know, Jonathan Taylor Thomas."

"Is that one person or three people?"

"One, but with the talent of three."

Evan (Ian Chen) fills Louis (Randall Park) in on his JTT-inspired haircut choice

JANE THE VIRGIN

"I'm with her."

"I was, too, along with the rest of the popular vote."

Jane's conscience sets up our narrator (Anthony Mendez) for the perfect election joke

LUCIFER

"We're different. Too different."

"Well, as a wise man once said, 'Opposites attract.'"

"I believe that was an animated cat in a music video."

When it comes to Lucifer's (Tom Ellis) pursuit of Chloe (Lauren German), MC Skat Kat makes for a lousy wingman

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

"Sessions was rejected for a position as a federal judge in 1986 over concerns of racism. But don't worry, if there's one thing that usually makes racists better, it's age."

SCANDAL

"Ma'am, I'm sure you have some security clearance, but I need you to know this is a high-level operation. This is my team and I'm in charge here—"

"No, I don't have 'some' security clearance, I have all of it. No, this isn't 'a' high-level operation, it's the high-level operation. No, this isn't your team, it's mine. No, you are not in charge. You were in charge, I am in charge now. If you have questions or concerns, I suggest you take those up with your boss, who can take them up with his boss, who can take them up with my boss. Guess who my boss is? I'll give you a hint. His office is a big oval."

Abby (Darby Stanchfield) plays the chief of staff card, with a fervor!

SLEEPY HOLLOW

"We joined together to fight evil."

"To fight evil?"

"Yes. Demons, horsemen of the apocalypse, the ongoing success of shows about real housewives. You know, evil."

Ichabod (Tom Mison) all but flips a table while relating his years with Abbie to his mysterious captor

SUPERNATURAL

"Man, Dad loved that thing."

Dean (Jensen Ackles) on John's barbed wire-covered bat, in a nod to Jeffrey Dean Morgan's Walking Dead character Negan

SUPERSTORE

"Hey, what do you think is the worst Supreme Court decision of all time?"

Glenn (Mark McKinney) tries to learn whether Sandra — who he thinks is pregnant — would ever consider getting an abortion

TEACHERS

"It's only a matter of time before people discover it. Remember, Beyoncé wasn't built in a day."

Caroline (Kate Lambert) tries to reassure Cecilia that her homemade jewelry will sell one day

THE BACHELOR 

"I know how to make a man feel good. And I do it way better than anyone else. Because my heart is gold... but my vagine is platinum."

Corinne explains why her attempt to seduce Nick can't fail (even though it did)

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"You've gotta give [Donald Trump] credit: He can really get a lot of stuff undone — from Obamacare, to climate change, to torture... He's already moved the country back to 2004. If this keeps up, pretty soon I'm going to launch The Colbert Report."

Umm, fingers crossed?

THIS IS US

"I haven't had a happy life. Bad breaks, bad choices. A life of almosts and could-haves. Some would call it sad, but I don't. 'Cause the two best things in my life were the person in the very beginning, and the person at the very end."

William (Ron Cephas Jones) reflects on his life — and in turn gives us all the feels

TIMELESS

"Forget about it, the Lifeboat's only meant to carry three people."

"OK, well, what happens with four?"

"Let me just check Wikipedia for 'Sending an Additional Organism Through a Wormhole'!"

Rufus (Malcolm Barrett) doesn't have at the ready the answers Wyatt (Matt Lanter) is looking for

GOOD MORNING AMERICA

"Bye, Felicia."

We can think of no better way to bid 2017 adieu than with Robin Roberts' parting words for Omarosa Manigault

FEUD: BETTE AND JOAN (Bonus Quote!)

"Joan? How did it feel to be the most beautiful girl in the world?"

"It was wonderful. The most joyous thing you could ever imagine. And it was never enough... Well, what about you? How did it feel to be the most talented girl in the world?"

"Great. And it was never enough."

Bette (Susan Sarandon) and Joan (Jessica Lange) share a look back at their greatest triumphs (and insecurities)

AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

"I love you."

"I know."

Hunter (Nick Blood) sents Fitz (Iain De Caestecker) to fight a war among the stars

BLACK MIRROR, "USS Callister"

"Stealing my p—y is a red f–king line."

Cole (Cristin Milioti) loses her cool over a vanished va-ja-jay