Best TV Quotes Of 2016

"It's not like nobody here hasn't already seen my boobs."

Fifty Shades of Grey star and Favorite Dramatic Movie Actress winner Dakota Johnson, holding her dress together, jokes about presenter Leslie Mann nearly causing her to have a wardrobe malfunction on stage

"'Please wrap'? Wait a minute. I've waited 20 years for this, you gonna wait."

Taraji P. Henson doesn't care what the teleprompter says — she won't be cutting her long-awaited acceptance speech short

"OverWatch, we're on site."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I thought it was time you got a code name."

"It's perfect!"

"I was going to go with Oracle, but it's taken."

Oliver (Stephen Amell) surprises Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) with a belated engagement gift

"You have to learn how to read cards."

Miss Colombia Ariadna Gutierrez teases the eponymous host when he asks how she felt about him erroneously announcing her as Miss Universe — then revoking her title minutes later

"The truth [points to Mulder's chest] is in here."

"Yeah, I've heard something like that."

Mulder (David Duchovny) hears a familiar refrain as Gupta (Vik Sahay) lectures him on being his most authentic self

"It's not just good to be different. It's better to be different."

Mr. Robot star Rami Malek offers up a perfect bit of wisdom during his acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Drama Series

"Here's a quick announcement that tryouts for this year's cheerleading squad are about to begin. We all know nothing makes a cheerleader more nervous than when she's late!"

Principal McGee (Ana Gasteyer) has no idea she's making a double entendre about teen pregnancy over morning announcements

"The Upright Position, as read by Kristen Bell. I've always felt a kind of connection to her."

We wonder why, Liv (Rose McIver)...

"Besides Taylor, you're the only person who was at that party who's claiming there was a rape."

"How many people have to say it's a rape before you care?"

Evy (Angelique Rivera) gets fed up with the investigators in Taylor's sexual assault case

"Are you out of your tiny little mind, Mrs. Florrick?"

"You don't need to say 'tiny' when you say 'little.' One or the other will do."

Alicia (Julianna Margulies) doesn't have time for Judge Schakowsky's (Christopher McDonald) threats — or his redundant use of adjectives

"I like this side of you. You're like a badass chick on Criminal Minds or something."

Jimmy (John Stamos) is impressed with how Sara (Criminal Minds alum Paget Brewster) can suss out a preschool bully

"This isn't my first prison break."

Oh, we know, Leonard Snart (Wentworth Miller)!

"You're going to get on that tour bus, take it into the suburbs and put on a private concert for Adam and Dana with all their favorite songs."

"Such as?"

"'Every Rose Has Its Thorn.'"

"'Every Toe Has Its Corn.'"

"'The Wind Beneath My Wings.'"

"'The Bed Above My Springs.'"

"'Material Girl.'"

"'Bacterial Earl!'"

"'Heaven Is a Place on Earth.'"

"'Kevin Is a Dude With Girth.'"

"'Careless Whisper.'"

"'Your Hairless Sister.'"

"'Fight the Power.'"

"'Smell the Flounder?'"

Beverly (Wendi McLendon-Covey) reaches out to Weird Al after he gives her son heartbreaking relationship advice

"Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna's panties. I wasn't invited!"

Chris Rock throws shade at Jada Pinkett Smith's very public decision not to attend the ceremony over the #OscarsSoWhite controversy

"It's so strange. I feel so completely, completely happy. I don't think I've ever felt that before."

"But you will now, for a long time to come."

Edith (Laura Carmichael) is as thrilled as we are about her long-awaited happy ending

"I believe people can be two things at once. Don't you think so?"

Words that Bruce Wayne (David Mazouz) one day shall live by, yes?

"So I can never be around a woman outside of work?"

"That's not what I'm saying. That would be crazy. All I am saying is if you're going to hang out with a woman, it has to be when the sun is up. And she can't be taller than me, or younger than me, or weigh less than me, or look like she weighs less than me. Also, you can't share food. OK, I guess if you're stranded and you have to share food, then clear soups or broths only. And you will display your wedding band close to your face at all times. Photos of your children must be present if they themselves cannot be. If she happens to touch you, even if by accident, you will excuse yourself and call me immediately. If she has smoky eye makeup, that is bad. If she has a lazy eye, that's good!"

"Jessica—"

"You must always travel in separate vehicles. Going back, lazy eye is out. It encourages eye contact. And she must never have been, or even wanted to be, a gymnast. Oh, and this goes without saying, but no Denzel movies."

Riiiiight, Jessica (Constance Wu) definitely isn't concerned about Louis' (Randall Park) new female friend

"You do not yell at me in this office."

"Where do I yell at you? I want to go there. Take me to the place where I yell at you, because I am not done!"

VP/wannabe POTUS Susan Ross (Artemis Pebdani) roars to the displeasure of her president (Tony Goldwyn)

"His name was Sam."

Annalise (Viola Davis) finally reveals the name of her stillborn child — and breaks all of our hearts in the process

"Emma, there's someone I'd like you to meet. This is Milah, my ex-wife. And Hook's ex, also. She's also Baelfire's mother, of course. [To Milah] Emma knew him as Neal. They had a torrid affair, which resulted in a scandalous teenage pregnancy. In prison."

"So... you've been with my former lover... and my son. Is that right?"

"Huh."

When Rumple (Robert Carlyle) and Milah (Rachel Shelley) sum up the Emma/Baelfire/Hook sitch, Emma's reaction is the only possible one

"All four of you, standing there, doing nothing. You look like the attractive yet non-threatening, racially diverse cast of a CW show."

With Supergirl's eventual move to The CW, Cat Grant's (Calista Flockhart) observation is actually spot-on

"Kara, call Harrison Ford and tell him that I'm flattered, but once and for all, I do not date older men — especially when they're married."

Funny how Cat (Calista Flockhart) and Harrison Ford's wife look so much alike, hmm?

"What is there for me in a world without you?"

As Abbie makes peace with her imminent death, Ichabod (Tom Mison) voices the question we're all asking

"Please tell me... we didn't...."

"Did we ever! And I'm pretty sure we made Rosemary's baby."

Chloe (Lauren German) fears she did the deed with the Prince of Darkness (Tom Ellis)

"It should never have taken this long. Apparently on our 'What to Put On American Money' priority list, 'woman' and 'African-American' both came after 'cyclops pyramid.'"

Colbert weighs in on Harriet Tubman's date with the $20 bill

"I should have known Agent Wheeler was dirty. There were signs. He wore a V-neck once."

"Bob. You did nothing?"

"It's my greatest regret."

FBI Special Agent Bob Anderson (Dennis Haysbert) and Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) are clearly cut from the same cloth

"I just came to get some of my stuff."

"OK, have fun leaving me."

Norma (Vera Farmiga), giving Dylan (Max Thieriot) another chance to reflect on how much he'll miss her passive-aggressiveness

"No offense, Ms. Hanson, but this is worse than when that harlot from Girls played Peter Pan."

Eileen (Martha Plimpton) warns the school's drama teacher that her zombie-filled production of Romeo and Juliet might not wow audiences

"You can just call me Root, bitch."

Root (Amy Acker) gives Samaritan some help with an ID

"No, Mom. You pushed out Axl's pointy head, and didn't you say that Brick practically destroyed your insides?"

"He did treat my uterus like a rock star in a hotel room. Just trashed the place and left."

Sue (Eden Sher), reminding Frankie (Patricia Heaton) why she can't cancel Mother's Day

"I started a new series of books: Revolution. But I don't think it's going anywhere."

Chuck (Rob Benedict) reveals what he was up to during his time away, in a nod to Supernatural creator Eric Kripke's now-defunct NBC series

"I know how much Ziva really loved you. And I need to know that you know that, too."

"I do.... I think."

"Don't think. Know."

Abby (Pauley Perrette) has an important message for Tony (Michael Weatherly) before he goes

"Mom, why would you want to paint Meemaw in such a negative light?"

"Catherine, Thomas f—king Kinkade couldn't paint Meemaw in a positive light."

Catherine (Sarah Sutherland) takes issue with Selina's (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) choice of anecdote for her mother's eulogy

"Hold the door! Hold the door! Hold the door!"

We finally learn how Hodor (Kristian Nairn) got his name — and we are devastated as a result

"Let's pretend you're Hitler. If I'm friends with you—"

"Let's not pretend I'm Hitler."

"OK, well, let's say you're Donald Trump or someone like that. If I hang out with you, it's going to make me look bad, too, right? So let's be... not so much like Hitler, and be more like Mussolini, you know? Or Bush."

Daniel tries to explain to Chad why he can't be seen hanging around the latter man — using the most unflattering historical analogies possible

"Orange Is the New Black... I do not watch."

"Too close to home?"

Chelsea thinks she knows why Martha Stewart hasn't gotten around to watching Netflix's acclaimed prison dramedy

"So now we're traitors, murderers and horse thieves? Tell me: Does it ever occur to you that taking Claire to wife might not be the wisest thing ye ever did?"

"No. It doesn't."

Murtagh (Duncan Lacroix) should know better than to mess with the bond between Claire and Jamie (Sam Heughan)

"Kim Kardashian... I met her. She's not a bright girl. She thinks soy milk is Spanish for 'I am milk.'"

Jiminy Glick (Martin Short) doesn't think much of the reality TV personality

"Marvel announced that the next Iron Man will be an African-American woman. However, in keeping with Hollywood tradition, she will still be played by Robert Downey Jr."

"I was kind of hoping you would wear them to bed... I was hoping you'd wear them and nothing else."

Brennan (Emily Deschanel) definitely approves of Booth's new glasses

"Here's a question: Does Kim Kardashian ever record anything where someone doesn't get screwed?"

Corden reacts to the Kardashian's recent Snapchat beef with Taylor Swift

"Hey, Toshiro, let me ask you something: Pre-plague, who were you? Before you became an asshole."

"Always asshole. I was a cook, I prepare fancy food for fancy Americans in a fancy hotel in Macau. Everybody love my cooking. They say to me, 'Toshiro, how you cook so well?' I laugh. I don't tell them the truth — I never wash my hands after I take a dump. True story."

Toshiro (Eidan Hanzel) overshares with Slattery (Adam Baldwin)

"Are you naked? Because you seem pretty naked."

"Just my bum. I figured, private pool and all...."

"It's a family baptismal."

"I'll get out."

Johnny (Aaron Ashmore) makes himself a bit too much at home, visiting Pawter's family

"OK. Let's do [normal]. Why can't we do that?"

"Because you were yelling at me to go faster while you ate chocolate and salami."

After hearing Gareth (Aaron Tveit) describe his first sexual encounter with Laurel (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), it's no wonder he's hesitant to pursue a relationship with her

"Honestly, the main takeaway from these two weeks is that, incredibly, we may be on the brink of electing such a damaged, sociopathic narcissist that the simple presidential duty of comforting the families of fallen soldiers may actually be beyond his capabilities. And I genuinely did not think that was a part of the job that someone could be bad at. And now, this."

Concluding his piece on the Democratic National Convention, Oliver marvels at Donald Trump's inability to sympathize with the parents of a fallen Iraq War soldier

"Who's that?"

"Mr. Feeny."

"Who's Mr. Feeny?"

"I think he's my grandfather."

Auggie (August Maturo) has trouble describing to Ava (Ava Kolker) how Mr. Feeny is connected to the Matthews family

"Enjoy your Tonys."

"Oh, I do! Sometimes I pretend one's a boy Tony and one's a girl Tony, and I make them kiss. Not that two boy Tonys can't kiss. I don't know why I said that. That's very heteronormative. It's just I've already named them: Roger and Desiree."

Lin-Manuel Miranda fills former classmate Nate (Derrick Baskin) in on what he does with his Tony Awards

"You're looking for, what, a Cyclops?"

"Don't be ridiculous. The Arre River Monster, actually. It's a fascinating creature — like a giant moray eel."

"That actually makes sense, you in search of a mythical creature that resembles an enormous penis."

Mitch (Billy Burke) makes no bones about his dad being a real... tool

"How long is this supposed to take?"

[reading from a label] "Uh, fifteen to 30 minutes, but in some cases with larger patients, it can take upwards of 48 hours."

"...Should we order food?"

After watching her father euthanize himself, Valerie (Michaela Watkins) suggests a reasonable way to pass the time until he dies

"Are you enjoying being a grandparent?... Do you wish the campaign didn't coincide with the kids being so little?"

"Well, I think I'd be distraught if we didn't have FaceTime. I really do."

"Oh, do you do that a lot?"

"All the time."

"Have you considered using FaceTime instead of email?"

"We found your truck. It's over on Dawson, near the creek."

With this throwaway line from Sheriff Mobley (Robert Craighead), series creator Tyler Perry has finally gone too far

"Victor, 9-8-1 — Ocean Frank."

"Thank you for your service, Sergeant Korsak. Job well done."

Korsak (Bruce McGill) wraps his distinguished 32-year career

"As a feminist, I can't support everything that's being said up here tonight. But as somebody who hates Ann Coulter, I'm delighted."

Jewel shows she can zing as well as she can sing with a jab at the conservative pundit

"What do you want me to say? That all of this is completely devoid of risk? We're sending her undercover to possibly the most dangerous organization in the world. Can things go wrong? Absolutely."

"I feel like you don't give a lot of pep talks."

Patterson (Ashley Johnson) advises newbie Nas (Archie Panjabi) to make future speeches a bit more inspirational

"This isn't Burn Notice. There are no blue skies for you out there. Characters like you are not welcome here."

FBI Agent Santiago (Omar Metwally) talks tough to suspect Darlene — and delivers an inside-joke jab at the show's own network

"Really? Was the Chairman of the International House of Pancakes unavailable?"

SecHUD Tom Kirkman (Kiefer Sutherland) is less than thrilled with his "promotion" to ambassador to the civil aviation somethingoranother

"Any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104 percent perfect. That's how you got Beyoncé."

Michael (Ted Danson) explains that things can be "perfecter"

"This is what I learned at Quantico... and by watching movies about Quantico... Ooh! And the hit TV show Quantico, now in its thrilling second season."

As always, Special Agent Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash) is on the case

"Who are you?"

"This is Dr. Dre. I'm Nurse Jackie. And we're from General Hospital."

Lucy (Abigail Spencer) uses some '00s references to save their bacon in 1937

"My name is not 'doll,' or 'sweetheart,' or anything that sounds like a baby. The women here have actual names — I'm sure you can learn them. It's not that hard, kind of like making coffee for yourself. You're a rocket scientist, figure it out."

Lucy (Abigail Spencer) lets loose on a 1969 NASA numbskull

"You have to sit next to me while I watch Castle and let me talk about Nathan Fillion's hair."

"I told you that makes me feel self-conscious. His hair is so lustrous."

Katie (Katy Mixon) tells Greg (Diedrich Bader) how he'll have to repay her if she agrees to sex after midnight

"Can you believe these nurses, asking for more money for the same job they've done for years? Who do they think they are? The cast of The Big Bang Theory?"

Mindy (Mindy Kaling) takes a swipe at TV's highest paid sitcom ensemble

"Maggie, I'll find you."

Glenn (Steven Yeun), using his last breath to reassure his wife

"This is our home now, so you'll learn to start to call me by my name. Not Marsha, not dear, not honey — Maggie. Maggie Rhee."

Glenn's widow (Lauren Cohan), after giving Gregory a well-deserved sock in the jaw

"I'd be honored to be your maid of honor! And not just because my main competition is in a coma 'til I die."

At least Bonnie (Kat Graham) knows she's Elena's runner-up here

"Nothing? Nothing?? No hug?"

"I'm so happy to see you now, I'll give you a hug. I'll give you a kiss. Pick a base."

Steve (Alex O'Loughlin) wants a li'l something for saving Danny's (Scott Caan) bacon

"I do really feel for the... parents with daughters, because a lot of them... probably thought Hillary would be our first woman president, but she won't be. But that does mean that someone's daughter is out there right now who will one day have that title... I imagine this moment today will be a defining one for you — one that will make you work harder, and strive farther. Whoever you are, I hope I live to see your inauguration, and I hope my mom does, too."

"Miss, for a dollar, would you have a threesome with me and Jon Hamm?... I know he doesn't have great buzz at the moment, but he's still a handsome fella."

"I used to. Imagine it's 2009."

"At first, I thought you and the others were gods. Then I realized you're just men. And I know men. You think I'm scared of death? I've done it a million times. I'm f—king great at it. How many times have you died?"

Robot host Maeve (Thandie Newton) discovers she has a few advantages on her human captors

"You stabbed me. You cuckolded me. You ruined my life. Better lawyer up, bitch."

Paul (Allan McLeod) finally mans up and tells Lindsay to get ready for a nasty divorce battle

"My hands are dancing. These knives are a part of me, like that Scissorhands guy. What's his name again? Is it Rick Snip?"

Nick (Jake Johnson) is great with knives. Pop culture, on the other hand...

"I know it feels like you have all the time in the world... but you don't. So stop playing it so cool. Catch the moments of your life. Catch them while you're young and quick. Because sooner than you know it, you'll be old and slow. And there'll be no more of them to catch. And when a nice boy who adores you offers you pie... say thank you."

William (Ron Cephas Jones) drops some sage Thanksgiving wisdom on Kevin's date Olivia

"So Oliver Queen is the Green Arrow?... Oh my God, he just got so much hotter."

Iris (Candice Patton) learns the truth about the billionaire's secret identity, and she's a fan

"Before this thing goes on, you gotta realize: The only way out is in a body bag."

"And now we don't have to write our vows."

Luke (Scott Patterson) and Lorelai (Lauren Graham), as he (finally!) slips an engagement ring on her finger

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm pregnant."

Rory (Alexis Bledel) and Lorelai (Lauren Graham), revealing those long-awaited final four words at last