Best TV Quotes Of 2015

"You're always saying how you just want me to be happy. The thing is, as along as you're in my life, I am."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) makes an emotional confession to Oliver (Stephen Amell) that doesn't crush anyone's soul

"Somebody has got to step up and take over this family. Will it be you, the chubby brave one? Or you, the skinny one who forgot where he comes from?"

"Wait a minute, no. I watch TV. Dad is trying to Empire us!"

Bobby (Lil Rel) is wise to hospitalized Dad's Lucious-like plan

"George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria and was selected for a three-person U.N. commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a Lifetime Achievement Award!"

"It's a beautiful day to save lives."

Derek (Patrick Dempsey), playing the hero only hours before his own demise

"Hiya, Pops. Long time... no see."

Jerome (Cameron Monaghan) pays his blind father a(n unwelcome) surprise visit

"This man is a Timberlake, and you need to stop treating him like a Fatone!"

Gina (Chelsea Peretti) uses the perfect 'N Sync analogy to describe how Wuntch is wasting Holt's talents

"I know what you're thinking: 'Oh look, Andy Richter's got his own show!'"

Corden pokes fun at his lack of celebrity in these here United States

"So stop looking at me with those watery turd eyes, and get me a damn wedding dress, bitch."

Britney (Arielle Kebbel) tells Rachel, in no uncertain terms, exactly what she needs now that she's back on set

"Did you guys see Selma? Complete game-changer."

"I saw the original in 1965 when it was called 'Detroit.'"

Bow's father, Beau (Beau Bridges), and Dre's father, Pops (Laurence Fishburne), get into a civil-rights-off

"These surveillance reports need to be filed, and you're really so much better at that kind of thing."

"And what kind of 'thing' is that, Agent Thompson? The alphabet? I can teach you. Let's start with words beginning with 'A.'"

Agent Carter (Hayley Atwell) calls out Thompson (Chad Michael Murray) on his M.I.S.O.G.Y.N.Y.

"The new host of Celebrity Apprentice was unveiled today. As you know, Donald Trump is out — and none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger is in. Apparently the key job requirements are 'Be orange and loud.'"

"Is being a senator a job?"

"It's more like a drinking club that decides the laws."

Beatrice (Riki Lindhome) and Lillian (Natasha Leggero), as best they can, talking politics

"Sweetheart, it's not polite to discuss how much money you have. Now go wash up. We'll order in from Spago and project Frozen on the wall of the east terrace."

Evelyn (Rebecca Wisocky) reminds new foster son Deion not to rub his money in maid Carmen's face — because apparently, it's her job

"For the Watch."

Olly (Brenock O'Connor) has just three words for Jon Snow before killing him

"Times have changed since I first sat behind this desk. For example, I used to be the only pretty blonde woman reading the fake news. Now there's a whole network devoted to that."

Weekend Update vet Jane Curtin throws shade at Fox News

"Every article that comes out about me has your name somewhere in it — because apparently there's this rule. In order to mention my name, they also have to report to the world that there's a man who wants me. ... I stand at the most powerful podium in the world, but a story about me ain't a story unless they can report on the fact that I am the girlfriend of D.C. fixer Leo Bergen, like it validates me, gives me an identity, definition .... Property of Leo Bergen. Tell me, when they write articles about you, Leo, how often do they mention me? Do they talk about your clothes? Write about your thighs? There is a difference. There is."

Abby (Darby Stanchfield) details for Leo (Paul Adelstein) how what he does impacts her, professionally

"Can you believe Melissa McCarthy still has to do Mike & Molly? Isn't that amazing?"

"Do your thing, girl!"

"I don't think so, no. You don't do your thing if it's on CBS, Mondays at 9:30. You're a movie star."

My, what a relevant observation you make, Mr. Eichner...

"Wherever she is sending you.... I know what you're capable of. You don't be a warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor."

Clara (Jenna Coleman) issues a plea to the Doctor, before taking (a big) one for the team

"You remember when the Predator took off his mask?"

Jen (Zoe Lister-Jones), trying to describe her post-childbirth vagina to husband Greg

"Oh, and Anika, this is an ass."

Cookie (Taraji P. Henson) makes it known to Lucious' new fiancée that she may have won the battle, but she'll never win the war (of the booty)

"Who's Boo-Boo Kitty now, bitch?"

Midway through a brutal fist fight, Anika (Grace Gealey) takes back the dismissive nickname bestowed on her by rival Cookie (Taraji P. Henson)

"I guess I'm not surprised that you work for Sports Illustrated. You guys put out a swimsuit issue every year dedicated entirely to women who aren't in sports... unless you think it's a sport to cover both boobs with one arm. Really?!"

Amy Poehler skewers Sports Illustrated staffer Andy Benoit, who tweeted that women's sports were "not worth watching," during a brief revival of the Saturday Night Live bit "Really!?! With Seth and Amy" on Meyers' show

"Goodbye, Port Charles. Good luck to you."

Luke (Anthony Geary) says a final goodbye to the town — and daytime drama — he's called home for nearly four decades

"Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals."

Say what you will about Sheldon's (Jim Parsons) personality, but he knows exactly what to get his girlfriend for her special day

"We're going to Milli Vanilli the [bleep] out of that musical!"

Beverly (Wendi McLendon-Covey) finds a solution for Adam's changing voice

"I'll be damned. Tatooine."

Even after a rough landing on the strange planet, Coulson (Clark Gregg) stands in service of corporate synergy

"I'll be honest with you. It's beginning to look like I'm not going to get The Tonight Show."

Dave jokes about his one-time dream gig at NBC during his last CBS broadcast

"Well, that was the worst thing that's ever happened."

"No, no. The worst thing that ever happened was when they cancelled My So-Called Life."

Becca (Laura Ramsey) gets some perspective from her best friend Lolly (Sarah Goldberg) after a nasty break-up

"You're starting to attract attention. I recommend you get one of those Bluetooth headsets, that way people assume you're just the local douche."

Mr. Robot (Christian Slater) cautions Elliot about arguing in public with a figment of his imagination

"Are you going to be my teacher?"

"Noooo! Your mother and I went through that with Mr. Feeny."

"Yeah, our teacher from sixth grade through college."

"How could that happen?"

"In an unexpected..."

"But completely believable way."

[Pause]

"Every year."

Riley (Rowan Blanchard) worries her teacher will always be Cory (Ben Savage), just like Mr. Feeny was always Cory and Topanga's (Danielle Fishel) teacher

"Don't you know a VIP when you see one? Your boss came out of my V and her daddy's P, so show a little respect for her mama."

Ophelia (Cicely Tyson) is not amused by Annalise's law-firm underlings mistaking her for a common client

"If someone wanted to bully me, I was the MVP of the football team: That just wasn't going to be a problem. And the same thing goes tonight: If you wanna call me names, make jokes, doubt my intentions, go ahead. Because the reality is, I can take it. But for the thousands of kids out there coming to terms with being true to who they are, they shouldn't have to take it."

Caitlyn Jenner makes a plea for greater understanding while accepting the Arthur Ashe Courage Award

"For those of you keeping track at home, that's now three children for Rafael and zero sex."

The narrator (voiced by Anthony Mendez), after it's revealed that Rafael's ex Petra is pregnant with twins

"I don't think that's cute! I think it's freaky. It's like a curse! It's like this poor baby angered some witch who cursed her to be trapped in a cabbage body. Now she needs an emperor's kiss to release her from the curse, but the emperors are gone, replaced by democracy. So this poor cabbage baby is left alone in the fields to be pecked at by crows. And then a photographer comes along and he takes a photograph of her and sells it for lots of money, but he leaves her alone to a life of misery! For who could ever love a cabbage-faced baby?"

Jessica (Constance Wu) goes on an epic rant after Louis tries to convince her to have another child using a picture of a cabbage patch baby

"Because every time I'm face-to-face with you, I want to strangle you. And then I miss you when I go away. And then I miss you and I call you on the phone and I get the person I want to talk to."

"That's not true."

"Yeah, well, I don't know what it is, but when I'm standing in front of you, I bring out something terrible. I think about how you came into my life and how you drove me crazy. And now... I don't even know what to do with myself because all I want to do is be with you."

Stan (Jay R. Ferguson) FINALLY reveals his feelings to Peggy (Elisabeth Moss)

"Paula Deen is on this season of Dancing With the Stars. But I have to say, if I wanted to see an intolerant lady dance, I could've gone to one of Kim Davis' four weddings."

"So... do you think you're man enough to take me inside that house and attack my crack?"

Sounds like Hester (Lea Michele) is just as anal as her fellow Chanels — though perhaps a different kind of anal

"Desi, this isn't about where you're from. OK? This isn't about geography. This is about that distressed shirt you're wearing. This is about the fact that you have eyeliner on your face right now. This is about the fact that your musical sensibility is insufferable. Don't ever think that you get on stage anywhere where the vast majority of the crowd doesn't think 'Douche.' Douche. You know how you feel when you watch Imagine Dragons? Well, that's how we feel about you. And you know what, Imagine Dragons are great, and you're the douche."

Ray (Alex Karpovsky) finally shares his true feelings for Marnie's musician boyfriend Desi (Ebon Moss-Bachrach) — and it has nothing to do with him being from the Pacific Northwest

"When your online profile says 'Passionate bear looking for love,' you get a lot of wrong responses. Um, not wrong, just wrong for me."

Fozzie is looking for love with a woman, not a large, hirsute gay man — not that there'd be anything wrong with that

"I like seeing a black choker at a music awards show that is not Chris Brown."

Margaret Cho takes a shot at the embattled R&B singer while weighing in on Gwen Stefani's baffling AMAs outfit

"Brother finally gets a show on late-night TV — but of course, he's got to work on Martin Luther King Day."

Host Larry Wilmore kicks off his new Comedy Central series with a dig at his employer

"Can't anyone follow a simple revenge plan?"

The answer's no, Nolan (Gabriel Mann), and you'd know that if you watched Revenge

"Is Mindy Kaling real?"

Dev's friend Anush (Gerrard Lobo) doesn't know what to believe after learning that the "Indian Guy" in Short Circuit 2 — aka Fisher Stevens — isn't actually Indian

"I get to say this one time and one time only: Welcome to The Daily Show With Trevor Noah With Jon Stewart."

Noah welcomes his predecessor back to the Comedy Central broadcast

"I know everything there is to know about Superman."

Oh, Supergirl, we love when you get meta

"It was never Beth I loved."

Paul's (Dylan Bruce) last words to Sarah (Tatiana Maslany)

"And if you're thinking, 'But hold on, John. What if I'm an a—hole who couldn't give a s—t about America's hungry families or the long-term viability of life on Earth?' Well, first, let me say: Mr. Trump! Thank you so much for taking the time to watch the show tonight!"

Presidential candidate Donald Trump might want to put some aloe vera on that burn

"We were created to rule, my love. And the blood of mankind will water our garden — us and our kin and our children and our generations. We are the conquerors. We are the pure blood. We are steel and sinew both. We are the next thousand years. We are the dead."

Lily (Billie Piper), giving the Creature the mother of all pep talks

"Are you excited to find out who the surprise cast member is?"

"'Surprise cast member' is code for 'Someone dies tonight.'"

Kevin Smith, cracking wise with Chris Hardwick before the Walking Dead chatfest

"You think I'm scared to do battle with you? Oh, Kevin, I am so desperate to do battle. So let's go. Let's go back. Right now. Let's go f—in' die!"

Patti (Ann Dowd), more than just accepting Kevin's challenge

"Because I am super gay. For you."

Jude (Hayden Byerly) puts a label on himself and declares his feelings for Connor (Gavin MacIntosh)

"I read that more than 100 million people tuned into tonight's Super Bowl. In response, NBC will be re-airing the Super Bowl every Thursday night at 8 PM. Same game. We have a hit!"

"You are the worst thing that has happened to this country since food in buckets. And maybe slavery!"

Amy (Anna Chlumsky), taking down Selina in an epic, long overdue rant

"The universe is trying to tell us something we both should already know. We're stronger together than apart."

Duh, Winchesters!

"What the hell did I do? Killed them all, of course."

Robert Durst seemingly makes a confession to killing his wife, a close friend and a neighbor in the finale of HBO's chilling six-part documentary