“It broke my heart to see these evil forces decsend upon Charlottesville,” Fey began. “Then our president, Donald John Trump — which I don’t think people talk enough about what a stupid, jackass name that is. Donald John? Whatever! He gets away with it because he’s gorgeous. Anyway, Donny John comes out and he says that he condemns violence on many sides, and I’m feeling sick because I’ve seen Raiders of the Lost Ark and I wasn’t confused by it. Nazis are always bad. I don’t care what you say.
“There’s nine more alt-right rallies planned around the country this Saturday, including one in New York City in Washington Square Park,” Fey continued. “Part of me hopes these neo-Nazis do try it and get the ham salad kicked out of them by a bunch of drag queens, because you know what a drag queen still is? A six-foot-four black man.”
Fey then pleaded with New Yorkers to steer clear of the planned demonstration because “I don’t want any more good people to get hurt,” before adding, “I know a lot of us are feeling anxious and asking ourselves, ‘What can I do?’ So I would urge people this Saturday instead of participating in these screaming matches and potential violence, find a local business that you support — maybe a Jewish-run bakery, or an African-American-run bakery. Order a cake with the American flag on it like this one and just eat it, Colin.”
Fey then grabbed a fork and went to town.
Earlier in the broadcast, fellow former Weekend Update anchors Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers appeared as founding fathers George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. During the segment, Washington defended himself against recent comparisons made by Trump (who equated the nation’s first president to Confederate General Robert E. Lee).
What did you think of Tina Fey’s surprise appearance on Thursday’s Weekend Update?