Jon Stewart on Colbert: Donald Trump Will Make 'Bulls–t' the Official Language of the United States

How’s this for your moment of zen?

Jon Stewart returned to The Late Show on Tuesday, joining former Comedy Central pal Stephen Colbert to catch up on all things Donald Trump.

Stewart, who previously turned up donning an outlandish wig and Cheeto dust on his face to represent Trump back in December 2015, this time came out draped in an oversized tie with a dead rodent on his head.

“Jon, I have to say: I love your outfit. Is this your Donald Trump impression?” Colbert asked.

“I thought this is how men dress now,” Stewart deadpanned. “The president sets men’s fashion and, ugh, I saw the inauguration. Super long tie, dead animal on head. Boom.

The former Daily Show host then revealed a series of Trump’s forthcoming executive orders, which include stealing China’s Great Wall, then making Mexico sign for it, and making “bulls–t” the new official language of the United States. Later, he detailed what it would take for the country to remain intact under the leadership of a “pathological” Commander in Chief.

“I, Donald J. Trump, do declare by executive order that I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting,” Stewart said. “It has been eleven days, Stephen. Eleven f–king days. Eleven! The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public. The reason that I, Donald J. Trump… am exhausting is that every instinct and fiber of my pathological self regard calls me to abuse power… I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting because it is going to take relentless stamina, vigilance and every institutional check and balance that this great country can muster to keep me, Donald J. Trump, from going full Palpatine.

“We have never faced this before. Purposeful, vindictive chaos. But perhaps therein lies the saving grace of my, Donald J. Trump’s, presidency,” he continued. “No one action will be adequate. All actions will be necessary, and if we do not allow Donald Trump to exhaust our fight, and somehow come through this presidency calamity-less, and constitutionally, partially intact, then I, Donald J. Trump, will have demonstrated the greatness of America, just not the way I thought I was going to.”

Does Jon Stewart’s latest Colbert cameo deserve a tip of the hat or wag of the finger? Watch the complete segment above.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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52 Comments
  1. Jason G says:

    full on removal of hat, replete with a deep bow, followed by backing out of the room, while begging for him to come back to television and give us some more help.

  2. Angela says:

    “If we do not allow Donald Trump to exhaust our fight, and somehow come through this presidency calamity-less, and constitutionally, partially intact, then I, Donald J. Trump, will have demonstrated the greatness of America, just not the way I thought I was going to.”
    .
    I loved this part of his speech the most. God willing this is how things will ultimately pan out over these next four years.
    .
    Had a feeling Jon Stewart would have a few things to say about Trump’s presidency thus far :D. Always good to see him on TV-here’s hoping we keeping hearing from him from time to time, if not regularly, going forward. His type of no nonsense commentary is sorely needed right now.

    • Lily says:

      Those statements were my favorite part too and so true! American IS great, and we cannot allow an arrogant, egotistical man-child named Trump bully his way past our Constitution. Please continue to RESIST, write/phone congressmen/women, march, make your voices heard! Sure, those who support his ways will call you SILLY NAMES. Don’t engage in their childishness. Do not allow him and his billionaire cronies to get away with their lies and bully tactics. BE INFORMED! Investigate the writings of Steve Bannon, the guy who is actually running the show. Scary does not begin to describe the disturbing thoughts of this wacko. Writing comments on TVLine is not enough!! Take action! RESIST! And yes, we, THE PEOPLE, will make America GREAT, in our resistance to this reality celebrity.

  3. Cassie says:

    Is it possible that Trump’s plan was to pull us together for causes… thereby uniting Americans and “making America great again” ?

    It’s been a long night. I’m thinking out loud. I realize how silly it is.

    • KatsMom says:

      I don’t think that’s his plan. I think his plan was to leave his mark on the history books as one of the greatest presidents of all time. When he’s honest with himself, he knows no one respects him, not the way he wants them to. He craves actual respect though. I think he honestly sees himself as the 21st Century FDR, taking tough actions that America needs to restore its financial prosperity. Unlike FDR though, Trump’s ignorant about governance, His actions amount to putting band-aids over a sliced artery. When this is all over, he will spin the situation and claim that he was great because he did, ultimately, unite people. His greatest skill in life is assuaging his ego and convincing himself he’s infallible. He’ll just be ignoring that pesky part of the equation in which the country unified against him, rather than with him. And it is definitely moving in that direction. I’m from “Middle America” that’s filled with Trump supporters. It’s doing my heart good to see how many of my friends are owning up to the fact that they made a huge mistake in voting for him.

      • maggie says:

        Great comment! Yes, I also know a few Trump voters who are now sorry they voted for him. One told me that she thought his campaign image was just a way to promote himself, and that he would be more sensible and intelligent, “Presidential,” when he took office. She thought that since he was a successful businessman that he must actually be a serious and knowledgable person in reality. She says she didn’t realize that the guy in the campaign was the real Trump, and that he’s crazy. She’s only now paying attention to al his failed businesses and bankruptcies, and his failure to pay his bills to contractors. I have to think that a lot of people believed this “Apprentice” image as a business genius.

  4. Butch says:

    1450 days left to endure this madness. Stay strong everyone.

  5. Scott says:

    Look to liberal unfunny idiots who need there dipears changed . And need to shut the hell up because they are getting old .

    • DL says:

      Your insults are so very mature. Thankfully, we’re going to keep exercising our free speech in spite of folks like you and Steve Bannon telling us to “shut up.”

    • Paul D says:

      That’s diapers… not dipears… no command of english spelling= poorly educated loudmouth

    • LM says:

      “Scott,” when you learn to spell “dipears,” we’ll considering taking your anger seriously. Right now, you may just be Trump posting under a pseudonym (yes, he’s had spelling issues, too!)!

      Truth, even when presented with humor, can hurt — if you can’t handle that truth.

    • Billy Bob Johnson says:

      Funny, you and your ilk certainly exercised your freedom of speech over the last eight years.

    • JScout says:

      Also, it’s their, not there.

    • Mary says:

      You post the same drivel on every article. One would think at least you could spell properly considering you have used the same line consistently and many have corrected the spelling and usage. Education is a wonderful thing, it teaches you how to write a coherent sentence. Stooping to name calling shows ignorance.

    • Rex the Wonder Dog says:

      I knew the snowflakes would be upset with anyone insulting The Dump so I just took a gander over hear to see their whining.

    • Lily says:

      Please, just IGNORE comments such as this because they are obviously from someone either the age or IQ of ten, posting only to provoke anger. Don’t give these people your time; only engage with those who provide thoughtful discussion of the issues, whether you agree or not. It’s time to stop talking past each other and engage in serious discussion on WHY we are so divided.

  6. Couch Mom says:

    I really don’t care what actors, actresses, talk show hosts, pseudo celebrities, or the news media says. I watch them to be entertained – yes, even the news programs since most of them are referring to themselves as shows (even the local nightly news). I read and conduct my own research to form my opinions. God gave me a brain – He expects me to use it – and I do.

    • Darsan54 says:

      Good. So we can count on your opposition to the Pres. Trump* from this day forward.

    • maggie says:

      Couch Mom, God would tell you to love your neighbor as yourself, help the least among us, and not be prejudiced against any group. God would expect you to realize that Trump’s policies go against God’s teachings.

  7. larry says:

    Stewart has security 24/7. He lives in a secure location and has the best security alarms money can buy. He flies either first class or private jet. Like all the Hollywood celebrities, he dictates that we the people should take the chance of a terrorist seeping through the cracks and getting here. They believe our families should be at risk because WE do not matter as much as they do. That is the hypocrisy of the leftist elite. That is the big lie and it is a shame low IQ people fall for that crap……..

    • He’s a New Yorker. If he can get up every day and be welcoming to the diverse multitude that live in his city and rationally look at the various threats he faces everyday, all the safe as houses people in the midwest can too. All this talk about tears and diapers and snowflakes and all we see are people uninformed and afraid and lashing out at inappropriate targets.

    • Mary says:

      I don’t mean to be histrionic, but there are parallels worth noting:
      • Step one for Hitler was to discredit the media.
      • Step two was to silence scientists and government employees.
      • Hate crimes against minorities grew to the highest in their country’s history. Clashes between parties became so extensive that Hitler ended civil liberties (Step three), giving “law and order” as the cause. Those who opposed Hitler were ridiculed and threatened.
      • In Step Four wealthy supporters purchased media outlets, employing only those faithful to the ruling party.
      • In his final step (Step Five) Hitler declared that the only way the country could be unified was to restore traditional values. Minorities including gays, the disabled, Jews, Roma, and people of color were considered “inferior” and sent to death camps for slaughter.
      We’re between Step 2-4.
      In case you were always confused by how so many people could go along with Hitler’s Final Solution, this is exactly how it happened. The parallel is happening in this country, in real time.

  8. We’re going to be exhausted in a month. I’d like to go back to normal life now please. Can’t we just impeach him so everyone can have a break?

    • JScout says:

      Yes, this. Please impeach sooner rather than later. The other day someone said, “Who knew one of the things I’d miss most about President Obama was that I could sleep soundly at night.”

  9. Jeff says:

    Making fun of another person’s appearance is so mature. And keep going, liberal comedians: you get that your over-the-top opposition to Trump helped him win the election, don’t you?

    • I think we get that a bunch of people told us that Trump’s campaign promises shouldn’t be taken so seriously and said we were “overreacting.” Well, he’s following through on his promises which make us less safe, destroy our international standing, blow up allegiances that have kept the western world safe for decades, undermine our democracy, and ruin our planet.

      I’m sorry you don’t take the world seriously and can’t follow cause and effect, but the rest of us will be in the streets standing up for America and our beliefs.

    • Luis Roman says:

      Actually it was voter suppression legislation in WI, NC. MI and FL that helped him win the election.

      • JScout says:

        Actually, it is voter suppression legislation in every single Republican controlled state. And now it’s getting worse.

    • LADY_in_MD says:

      Really but mocking a disabled man and what Trump said about a gold star family is ok? How about how he speaks about women? Dont act like he hasnt made fun of people because of how they look before and probably still does!

    • Rex the Wonder Dog says:

      And yet people still voted for Dump after he mocked a disabled reporter.

    • maggie says:

      Jeff wrote: “Making fun of another person’s appearance is so mature.”

      Jeff, you must hate Trump. He has made fun of the appearance of a disabled reporter. He routinely judges women by their appearance, rating them on a numerical scale. He calls women he finds unattractive, pigs and worse. Trump spent his whole campaign insulting his opponents. You are correct, Trump is immature.

  10. Luis Roman says:

    The prospector beard is gone! Could he be planning on going out on tour?

    P.S. Were those executive orders kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls’ porch?

  11. W says:

    Just a small warning from and independent who didn’t vote for Trump, the left is beginning to sound like the boy who cried wolf. If they can’t start acting like the adults in the room, instead of a toddler denied a toy, they will loose those of us who might side with them in 2018. Fair warning.

    • Mariana Trench says:

      If we don’t, who will? Obama was the adult for his entire 2 terms, and endured unprecedented obstructionism and indignities from the hypocritical Republicans, who did not pay a price for their behavior. Now they have total control of govt with no checks and balances. They will own everything that happens from now on, but will try to spin any bad results as Obama’s/Dems’ fault. Remember that in 2018!

      • W says:

        It’s called choosing the arguments rather then constantly running around like the world is ending. Right now the left is just automatically going to an extreme with anything that has Trumps name on it. They need to act like adults and show up for work. Vote no when they need to, but show up to vote the decent! They are coming across as sore losers and it will hurt them in the long run.

        I’m not for even half the stuff that Trump has done, but choosing battles would benefit them.

        • maggie says:

          Trump has done a number of things that people find repugnant. Why do they need to choose which ones to complain about, and which ones to overlook? Accepting one injustice is not an option.

  12. cuius says:

    Sad to see Jon Stewart auditioning for the part of “Mad Uncle” on SNL Weekend Update – the guy desperately needs a proper job

  13. sunshine says:

    Over on the right they are calling all these perpetually outraged celebrities Trump fund raisers. All the polls are showing Trump approval very high with the public.

    • JScout says:

      You are wrong on this by a country mile. Trump reached majority disapproval ratings in 8 days. The closet president to reach majority disaproval was Clinton, but it took him 573 days. After that it was Reagan, but it took him 737 days. It took Trump only EIGHT DAYS!!! And it’s only going to get worse.

      • W says:

        Just an FYI Trump started underwater on his poll numbers. At this point there are signs that that is starting to turn around. He isn’t “popular” yet in the polls, but some like the most recent Rasmussen show he is over 50% approval. That said, he is still below where most presidents start their term.

        • Mary says:

          Gallup polls showed a decrease of 8 points since election, that was as of Friday. I can’t believe he increase that much in 5 days.

          • W says:

            Gallup is at a -9, for 1/29-1/31
            .
            Rasmussen is a +6 for the same period. So I guess it is just where you want to look. He is still under water in the average at -1.9, but it is going up from when he was sworn in.

        • Lily says:

          Rasmussen polls are considered the least accurate and reliable by a vast majority of experts. Not my opinion; look it up

  14. JScout says:

    I hope Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert join Samantha Bee for her alt White House Correspondents’ Dinner. It’d be great to see a lot of the Daily Show gang roasting Trump.

  15. Brock Hard says:

    Forget the Alt-Right movement, I’m going to start the Ctrl-Alt-Delete movement so we can restart the last election and do it right.

  16. V.J. says:

    I honestly wonder how long this bit really was? There were at least four more black maps, the scroll and later on you could see a stone table lying on the couch. ^^