AHS: Roanoke Recap: Into the Woods

As if to prove to Shelby that she couldn’t run away from her problems, American Horror Story: Roanoke barely let her pull out of the driveway of her haunted house in the Season 6 premiere before it had her, quite literally, bump into old-timey pedestrian Kathy Bates and follow her into what appeared to be a mash-up of The Blair Witch Project and Salem. How would Mrs. Miller get on with — or, rather, get free of — the pitchforks-and-torches crowd in the second episode? Read on and find out…

FIGHT OR FLIGHT | As “Chapter 2” began, Shelby bore witness to Bates’ as-yet-unnamed character affixing a pig’s head to the noggin of an unfortunate soul, crying “Let him be purified!” and… well, basically cooking bacon. Upon being spotted by the madwoman, Mrs. Miller did what any sensible person who didn’t want to be added to the menu of a pig roast would and ran like hell… straight into the road, where Lee found her and took her to the hospital. By the time Matt got to his wife the following day, she had decided that it had been the locals trying to scare them off. But since they had sunk all their money into the house, she wasn’t going to let that happen. “If it was a fight they wanted,” she said, “it was a fight they were gonna get.”

BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO HELL DAY | Though Lee was reluctant to bring her daughter Flora to the house, given everything that was going on, she was also eager to reconnect with her. But no sooner had the little girl been dropped off by dad Mason than she was doing spooky things like talking to Priscilla, an “imaginary” friend who promised to make a bonnet to help make all the blood stop. (Who, at that point, wouldn’t send the kid back to the safety of their ex?) Next thing we knew, a window was broken and a bonnet thrown through it. (Who, at that point, wouldn’t send the kid back to her dad?!?) That night, Shelby and Matt heard noises, and she went outside to investigate rather than stay inside and cower. “I wanted them to know,” she explained, “that we wouldn’t be bullied.”

PLEASANT SCREAMS | In the woods, Shelby discovered a pig being badly overcooked. “This was beyond having a cross burned on your lawn,” Matt understated. After the police promised to check out the Polk family and give the Millers protection, Matt got up in the night to answer the phone (its cord cut), only to have the voice on the line (Shelby’s?) say they were hurting her. Then, the two batty nurses appeared before him and shot elderly patient Margaret in the head. “I had to be dreaming,” Matt said. If only! But when he called in the cop on duty outside, all they found was… nothing. The next day, Mason arrived to take Flora home, and he and Lee discovered their daughter offering Priscilla her favorite doll in exchange for not killing them all — and saving her for last!

american-horror-story-season-6-episode-2-cuba-gooding-jr-sarah-paulsonASSISTED DYING | Livid, Mason didn’t just take Flora home, he dragged her home, sending Lee tumbling off the wagon. Drunk as she was, though, she hadn’t stuck half a dozen knives in the ceiling. Shortly thereafter, the Millers spotted a woman in their yard, and while they were investigating, the nurses and Piggy Man scared the tipsy straight out of Lee. The Millers’ search of a cellar in the yard yielded another tape starring Dr. Elias Cunningham (Denis O’Hare), an author who’d come to the house to write a true-crime novel about the nurses — Bridget and Miranda — siblings prone to killing assisted-living patients whose first initials spelled “murder.” (Well, “murde-” — they never quite finished.) Off that revelation, Matt found “murde-” painted in blood behind their wallpaper. So what stopped the sibs? Something even more evil than them in the house, Elias suggested before going back in himself. At the climax of the tape, Matt discovered a meat cleaver — dripping blood — in a door.

OUT ON A LIMB | Freaked, the Millers demanded that the bank take back the house. You can well imagine how that went. “I didn’t think it could get any worse,” said Matt. “Then it did.” Lee had committed a felony by making off with Flora and bringing her back to the house. Matt pointed out that hello, this was bad, potentially amber-alert bad. Luckily, Shelby talked Mason out of involving the cops. Unluckily, before he could pick Flora up, she was lured outside, where she vanished in the woods — except for her sweater, which her mom spotted about a mile up a tree!

So, what did you think of “Chapter 2”? Did you pick Special Guest Star Lady Gaga out of the crowd? Hit the comments!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Mike says:

    For once Angela Bassett is not being underused! Also who noticed gaga in the beginning hissing and standing next to Kathy Bates?

  2. Mike says:

    Also, banks, depicted accurately, the real american horror story.

  3. Mark says:

    Is there any truth to any of it

  4. Chris says:

    Yeah, I’m out. I tried to give it another go but the documentary aspect is too much of a radical departure and really distracting. Freak Show and Hotel had its problems but was somewhat entertaining and had somewhat memorable characters. I know it’s only two episodes but who are you supposed to like here? The boring interviewees or the “actors” in the tv special? Sorry, I’m gonna have to pass this year.

    • abz says:

      For some reason I feel like there will be a shake-up in the format at some point. There has to be some sort of stakes in the season I hope. Just knowing that the interviewees are alive and telling the story makes it a little pointless watching the re-enactment because we know things will turn out fine for them and they’ll live.
      Maybe they’ll real people (not the actors) will get sucked in somehow.

    • Suki Niko says:

      Geez, I’ve already paused this recording a few times just to go check email and get a snack (good suspension of disbelief = inability to move off the sofa). I think I’m bored, and don’t feel invested in any of these characters.

      I’ve loved every AHS, and was so looking forward to this season, but so far I’m very disappointed. I’ll hang in there though, just because … I want to believe

    • Justin H says:

      Same here, Chris! Over and out!

  5. abz says:

    I’m still into it so far, but I feel like they just eliminated any stakes and feeling of dread in the season by using the documentary format. The interviewees are alive and telling the story so we know they survive.
    I feel like there just has to be more to it. All this secrecy for this. They have to shake up this format. Maybe at some point in the documentary these real people get sucked back into the Roanoke horror along with the actors re-enacting it. Or something. I don’t know. I’m sticking with it, but something has to happen. Also, I want to see more of the other characters Kathy Bates, Matt Bomer, Evan Peters, etc. After two episodes we get it, they’re being haunted. Move the story forward.

  6. Gabriel says:

    I love this season!!! I don’t know why, but this is the first season that actually scares me. I love how the characters are so real, and so believable. I suspect this will become my favourite season

  7. Debbie says:

    It may not be scaring me, but it continues to draw me in. Each episode has left me wanting to see more of it, so that’s a good sign. I don’t know that it needed the nurse story, but I’ve come to expect excess in these stories. Hopefully, it won’t go too far afield as we get further into the season.

  8. Stephen V says:

    Boooooooooring. Seriously, I have loved all other seasons for various reasons, but this one, I just can’t. Sooooo over the back and forth between the actual people and the actors. Also two episodes in, and nothing interesting has happened. And where the fook are all the other regular actors?!?! Ryan et al have ruined yet another series. Sayonara, AHS.

  9. I’m enjoying this so far. And I agree with one of the commenters below that they are going to draw the “actors” and the “narrators” into the house together at one point.

  10. Roland says:

    I hate the new format, the documentary aspect was so unnecessary! Also, now we all know that they got out of it alive… And where is the new intro? The cast, the acting are superb but the haunting story is a bit boring after the previous seasons. I hope it gets better.
    I’ll still watch it but I’m really disappointed.

  11. liame says:

    The actress playing Flora is a gem, very impressed with her acting. 2 episodes in and I’m not ready to bail, the bloody killings haven’t gotten under my skin, yet. Cross my fingers that I can stick it out because I love the actors and the story line this season.

  12. L Tucker says:

    The wall of writhing pig tails did it for me. I actually laughed and thought I must be mistaken, but no. None of it seemed neither real enough nor supernatural enough in the ways that AHS has delivered in the past. Disappointed.

  13. chris says:

    People have grown so impatient. I’d rather people build up to a story than throw a bunch a stuff at a wall and see what sticks. While I agree, I’m not invested in the characters, I feel the most for Lee. It’s 2 episodes in and I think they’ve done a good job. I hate this, ” oh I would just move” mantra. Yeah, it’s not that simple. Besides, MOST PEOPLE even faced with “evidence” they’re being haunted don’t just believe it. They write characters that are more ” real life situation” who wouldn’t jump to hauntings versus people. And people fake hauntings all the time especially in rural areas and no one is taking into consideration they are in NC with an interacial couple who already went through a gang intitation that they were targeted for just for being so. It’s not said, but it’s not a leap to shoehorn the idea in. And what’s up with the stakes being pointless cause no one DIES. What? Like, what the what? Being scared and seeing die are two types of horror. Some of the scariest movies are exorcism ones and most the cast lives if not all ( Conjuring, Insidious) It’s a mystery within a mystery and a girl just disappeared. It’s not about the main characters dying or that newly introduced main characters may die. I think the documentary thing is a good way to reinvent the series because the last 2 seasons were awful and lackluster and barely cohesive.

    • Yaz says:

      I totally agree. I think the documentary fact & haunting build up is sooooo suspensful. And WHO SAYS NO ONE DIES JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE TELLING THE STORY. Maybe that’s what they want u to think! I’ve jumped so much these first two episodes. Love it! Agree ppl are so impatient nowadays. #LoveAHS4eva

  14. Rain says:

    I’m actually loving it so far and I originally was so disappointed last year that I wasn’t going to give it a try. Since it started a week before all the other new shows I figured I’d give it one last look. I love the show “My Haunted House” which this has been set up like with the interviews and reenactments. I’ve been creeped out so far and that’s what I’m looking for!

  15. Alice says:

    Right, so I know it’s early on in the season but I’ve got a ‘theory’ that basically has no facts to it is just basically me jumping to conclusions, so here it is; basically I think that maybe the people that are being interviewed are not the people that are supposed to be portrayed in the re-enactments, it’s just completely two different story lines in the same setting, obviously it makes no sense since it clearly says re-enactment whenever there is one but it would explain why the people in the re-enactments are older than the people being interviewed, the similarities between them could just be down to the house or rather it’s dead occupants choosing who lives in it and making sure similar people live there, the people that are being interviewed could possibly be the past owners of the house that decided to share their stories and the re-enactments could be the present owners. So those were my two cents that no one asked for and I know it doesn’t make much sense but it’s not like AHS to leave everyone alive at the end of the season so it’s still more likely than this just being a normal documentary

  16. AAJ says:

    I think the documentary style of presentation would make more sense if they had a narrator like every other “true-story-retold” TV show. Having the interviews jump directly to the “reenactment” ( if indeed that’s what it is) is confusing, not in an eerily unsettling way but in a what is happening this doesn’t make sense what am I watching this is just weird not scary way.