South Park Recap

South Park Tackles Kaepernick Scandal, Trump's Incompetence in Premiere

After a nine-month hiatus, Wednesday’s South Park season premiere — a sharp cocktail of hot-button issues — went down sweeter than a ‘Member Berries-flavored smoothie.

Oh, what are ‘Member Berries, you ask? They’re kind of like Veggie Tales characters, oozing with nostalgia for all the treasures of yesteryear: Star Wars, Chewbacca and, most importantly, when marriage was strictly between one man and one woman. (Yeah, ‘Member Berries are actually pretty homophobic. And racist, as they also looked fondly on when there were “less Mexicans” in our country.)

But the presence of these sinister fruits was actually the least of everyone’s concern in Wednesday’s premiere. With the election polls placing Mr. Garrison and Caitlyn Jenner in the lead by a considerable margin, the unlikely duo was forced to figure out what they’ll do if they actually win this thing.

“I don’t have any f–ing plans!” Mr. Garrison revealed to his running mate. “That’s why I have you! … Are you telling me we’re about to be voted into office and we have no idea what the f–k we’re going to do?” (As if the parallels being drawn between the Garrison and Trump campaigns weren’t obvious enough at this point, Mr. Garrison was also sporting a fresh spray tan.)

The only solution, it seemed, would be for Mr. Garrison to sabotage his campaign by sitting during the National Anthem at a televised event. Unfortunately, because South Park exists in a post-Colin Kaepernick world, it’s now acceptable for attendees to “rise or sit or take a knee to honor America.” Now, Mr. Garrison’s mission is clear: “I have to keep running… but I have to make sure she wins.”

(Side note: Mr. Garrison had only J.J. Abrams to blame for his big sit-down plan backfiring, as the government hired Abrams to “reboot” the National Anthem. Their logic? “He saved Star Wars, and now we will ask him to save our country.” … Eh, sounds good to me.)

South Park RecapAnd over at South Park Elementary, the kiddos were winter hat-deep in their own political drama. Convinced that Cartman is behind a recent string of Internet trolling, the girls’ basketball team sat out the National Anthem in protest of the school’s lack of action against him.

Cartman, naturally, denied all of the girls’ allegations, going so far as to speak out “against” the Internet’s war on women, specifically defending the all-female Ghostbusters reboot. (Mind you, the little bastard was wearing a “Token’s Life Matters” T-shirt the entire time, so as always, we can take his sincerity with a grain of salt.)

The premiere, while pretty decent on its own, felt like more of a set-up for the rest of the season, right down to Kyle’s vow to expose Cartman as the school’s anonymous troll. (I know we all want a Stranger Things parody this season, but honestly, I’d settle for a Pretty Little Liars spoof.)

Your thoughts on the long-awaited premiere? Hopes for the rest of the season? Grade the episode below, then drop a comment with your full review.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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21 Comments
  1. Tom says:

    I never would have guessed the commenter was who it is. It’s going to be an interesting season

  2. Greg says:

    I am happy that they are sticking with the serial plot structure again, it worked so well last season. Cannot wait to see how it unfolds over the coming weeks, and how they incorporate the election results in shaping how the season ends.

  3. Jason says:

    My only complaint. Clearly since Mr. Garrison is supposed to represent Trump he should have been turd sandwich. Especially given the fact that the anagram of Donald Trump is damn turd pol.

  4. Elle says:

    I think the ‘member berries were a nice potential set-up for Stranger Things spoof, no?

  5. Checkina Coulibaly says:

    Brilliant season premiere.

  6. most article writers completely missed the subtle message. That people care more about the drama than the actual events. When the girls finished sitting out, the stands emptied.

  7. CJKatl says:

    Did we watch the same episode? While you are correct on all the Trump digs, how can you ignore the Clinton slams? A twelve year old episode was revived because our choice for Pres is a douche and a turd sandwich. Clearly the snark wasn’t on Trump, it was on the horrible choice of either Clinton or Trump. Your review reads as though the episode was pro-Hillary, when it was just as sharp on her as it was on Trump. Showing her alone, with no supporters, at the football game and never calling her anything but the turd sandwich were not meant to present her in a good light. Did you miss that obvious point? Or are you trying to frame this as a pro-Clinton episode, which it clearly was not?

    • Bill says:

      Don’t forget that it was clearly missed by the reviewer that it made fun of Black Lives Matter and liberals stance on Kapernick’s sitting. When the announcers said “clearly you must be an a hole to not stand now” and the camera showed good old Colin.

    • Ben says:

      +1. But you know who the liberal media support right?… and in the same direction this first episode was flat to slam Hillary (they show mercy) specialy in comparison to what they keep doing with Caitlyn Jenner… and i really miss the infamous celebrities supporting the turd sandwich with absurd statements and the media circus against Trump. The premiere could have been better… but it was just ok IMO.

  8. Joe Hooker says:

    Well said, just another Liberal hack of a “journalist.”

    CJKatl says:
    September 15, 2016 at 8:46 AM
    Did we watch the same episode? While you are correct on all the Trump digs, how can you ignore the Clinton slams? A twelve year old episode was revived because our choice for Pres is a douche and a turd sandwich. Clearly the snark wasn’t on Trump, it was on the horrible choice of either Clinton or Trump. Your review reads as though the episode was pro-Hillary, when it was just as sharp on her as it was on Trump. Showing her alone, with no supporters, at the football game and never calling her anything but the turd sandwich were not meant to present her in a good light. Did you miss that obvious point? Or are you trying to frame this as a pro-Clinton episode, which it clearly was not?

  9. rawley says:

    I agree about the episode feeling like a starting point for the rest of the season. There were great moments (JJ Abrams!) but mostly it was exposition and I don’t think it really works as a standalone episode at all.

  10. Zoe says:

    Just speaking personally, I’m not really a fan of the multi-episode plotlines. I think the show works better when it’s more episodic, when everything can get crazier faster and you can show your friends a single episode even if they’re not following the overall plot. I’m also not sure I agree with their Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich analogy (which was funny the first time they used it). It seems to me like an imperfect, yet experienced and smart candidate versus an orange tornado of bigotry. Just my two cents.

  11. Chris says:

    The girls on “South Park” were playing indoor volleyball, not basketball Andy!

  12. SkankHunter42 says:

    Seems like the member berries are supposed to represent European Americans that are voting for Trump because they don’t want their country to contine going to hell with unchecked immigration and the government controlling everything, but I guess that’s just racist to have a sovereign nation that represents it’s people’s interest