Mistresses Recap: Nanny McFlee

Wilson in a Wig and Caftan (TM pending) returned to Mistresses this week (via flashback, thank goodness), reminding us there’s sometimes a thin line between summer soap and full-fledged horror show.

I mean, remember when Elizabeth Grey brought a gun — and a thirst for cold vodka — to Karen’s house (and wound up killing her sexy-but-creepy-but-still-sexy son in the process)? Or that time Savi went code blue right after a Maury-esque “Dom is the baby’s father!” moment in her hospital suite? Or when April said goodbye to Daniel’s swoon-inducing abdominal muscles in an episode that caused the Mistresses fandom to engage in hardcore blackout drinking? (Remind me again why she did that to herself? Something about her not thinking his status as an undercover FBI agent actually made him all the more desirable?)

Certainly, as we speed toward a season (hopefully not series) finale — only two episodes left, people! — there’s a shadowy figure lurking behind the thick, rococo curtains: Is it the possibly psychotic nanny? (Who doesn’t love a Hand That Rocks the Cradle homage? Or are we calling it When the Bough Breaks nowadays?) Could it be the nasty, homicidal boyfriend of Joss’ late gym buddy, reeling from a recent pistol-whipping? Or could awful Aussie Kate return to detonate a bomb that leaves every resident of Melrose Place in summer cliffhanger jeopardy? (Whoops… right idea/wrong show!)

Let’s give those theories a think as we recap the action from Season 4, Episode 11, “Fight or Flight.”

UPPING THE VIGILANTE | “I can’t do this. I can’t do us. I don’t think that we should get married,” exclaims a panicked Joss at the top of the episode, seconds after last week’s long-delayed but inevitable confrontation in which Harry found her pilfered anxiety meds. Joss makes a good point, though, about Harry leaving the country right as she needed to testify against her assailant — “You abandoned me during the most vulnerable and harrowing time of my life.” — and the look on his face says he realizes he should’ve ignored his lover’s casual attitude and held her hand when she needed it most.

Joss has bigger problems, though, as Marisol’s ex Lee shows up at Impact and threatens Joss, Jackie and the group of women who helped Marisol learn self-defense. The cowardly monster thinks the training escalated his relationship from light abuse to deadly abuse, and since the police can’t find enough evidence to indict him, Joss decides the Impact chicas need to serve up some Death Wish-style street justice. Karen and April think the plan sound crazy — and when Karen calls you crazy, it’s time to spend a week off the grid and check yourself (before you wreck yourself).

Joss ignores the advice, though, instead luring Lee to a dark alley — with the promise of handing over Marisol’s incriminating (and also nonexistant) diary — grabbing the dude’s gun and vigorously pistol-whipping him ’til Jackie pulls her off. When Joss points her gun at her spiritual mentor, she realizes she’s at a tipping point, goes home to Harry and tells him she needs help. She tells him all about Wilson, and (yesssss!) the luster finally begins to return to the love for which the couple sacrificed almost everything. Please, let’s not make this an excuse for Kate to come back to Los Angeles and burn their house to the ground? Who’s with me?

THAT’S HOW SHE BECAME THE (UNEMPLOYED) NANNY | Is there anythikng worse than Karen attempting babytalk? How about Karen finding out that new beau Adam “met” her via an online dating service for which she never registered, and learning this information right in the middle of a “meet my BFFs” dinner with April and Joss? How this is more alarming than Adam’s screen name (AdamDesiresEve?!) or the name of the dating site is the real cliffhanger of Episode 11, if you ask me, but Karen winds up dumping Adam (“You didn’t see me — you saw a cheatsheet!” she whines) and firing Lydia (with the threat of a 911 call if she ever again comes near baby Vivian). That makes sense, really, as long as there’s a deleted scene in which Lydia teaches Karen how to extract Vivian from the carseat in which she spends 90 percent of her life.

Later, though, Karen realizes she’s being daft — in a bad way — and leaves an apology for Adam. She was a jerk, she says, and ultimately, what counts is that when she’s with Adam, she’s happy. Maybe the happiest she’s ever been. “This is Karen, by the way,” she says, at the end of the message, AS IF THERE’S ANY POSSIBILITY ADAM IS ALSO DATING A SECOND WOMAN WHOSE ONLINE PROFILE WAS SURREPTITIOUSLY CREATED BY THE WOMAN WHO CARES FOR HER INFANT DAUGHTER. (Sorry, Karen, but for a fully licensed psychiatrist, sometimes you’re as coherent as a stick of glue at the bottom of a first-grader’s bookbag!)

ALL CHANGE, SHE’S HAVING A BABY | April gets all gussied up for Lucy’s debate competition — but mainly as a guse to woo back Marc. They’re on the brink of flirtation when Blanky McWhatsherface (aka Marc’s ex) pulls up in a convertible and yells “C’mon, baby! We gotta get back!”

Do I need to mention Michael returns briefly — this time in “just a friend” mode — to console April, and to tell her it’s “sexist, archaic and downright weird” that she thinks she can just wait around at home and not fight for her man. And so April sends a sexy invite to Marc, fills the house with candles and — insert the sound of a needle screeching across a record — makes turducken! Good thing he shows up way late, after returning the key that Blanky gave him in an attempt to solidify their relationship/prevent Marc from sleeping on a park bench. (“A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly, and is also known as a busta.”) April apologizes for being so grouchy throughout Season 4 the last few months, and sounds sincere when she says she’ll support his music dreams — despite the fact that he’s in a duet with his ex, despite “the lack of income,” despite the travel. “I will keep my mouth shut,” she says, and Marc hears the compromise, the hollowness, the way this won’t really work in the end. “Even if you don’t say it out loud, don’t you think I can hear you?” he tells her. “I can’t carry the weight of disappointing you, too,” he adds, before making his final exit. Too bad, then, that April ends the episode staring at the positive sign on her ClearBlue Easy. Oh, yeah, she’s pregnant. And if she doesn’t get on the phone and tell Marc immediately, then I hope her future teeanger turns out even surlier than Lucy!

What did you think of this week’s Mistresses? Who’s most likely to create a horror-movie Season 4 finale? Sound off in the comments!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Gab says:

    I always wanted April and Marc to have a baby and I can’t believe its happening!

    • Britt/Brat says:

      Really?! I really don’t like them together. I feel like her and Daniel had more chemistry. Plus he was really really hot!!

  2. Bob says:

    only saw the last few mins of the ep but i knew april was going to be pregnant since the start of the season cuz of how OOC her character was. oh and reading the spoilers lol. :p

  3. Tennisnsun says:

    Just as I thought they had tediously wrapped the series with a big bow on top, April turns up pregnant! Is it enough for a renewal? ~ I think not. Bob, what the heck does OOC mean? It could explain something. I’m going to sleep on my answer to the horror movie finale thing. Right now I don’t have a clue.

    • Bob says:

      OOC means out of character. April has been annoying but this season she been extra annoying. Like the thing with Michael where she didn’t tell Mark or the way she was threatening to kill Noel cuz she thought he was sleeping with Lucy just seem to be out of character. I understand where she stands sometimes but I feel like the writers did that to cause tension between two characters in a relationship and theres either a break up, cheating or something big coming along.

      • Tennisnsun says:

        Thx Bob , I appreciate you clearing up the abbreviation for me. Yes, sometimes you can feel a shake up coming but with this show in particular you don’t know if it’s good bad or ugly!

  4. telegonus says:

    I think it was great, a potential new beginning for a “revamped” series, which is to say a rethinking, a reimagining of what it can be, where it can go. Given all the tense, climactic moments, the feeling of impending doom (for some characters) and of radical change for others, I just hope that ABC doesn’t slickly wind up this series, as it looks like they could (and may) with a nice neat ribbon and kiss it goodbye when, with luck, talent (already there) and imagination, it could be moving into its best season yet,–even as many feel that Mistresses is played out. Not, I say.

  5. Aysh says:

    Harry has a kid? Whaaat?

  6. Daniel snow says:

    i used to like April and Marc’s relationship but over the course of the season I think I was too in love with the build up in the previous season and when they finally got together they lost all their chemistry so I am happy that Mark is gone.

  7. Beth says:

    April is awful.. like you said, she was NOT sincere apologizing to Marc! They don’t seem like a good fit to me.

    I hope Karen and Adam work it out.. (PS: I love seeing him on my screen again! Although, he’ll always be Rory’s Dad, lol).

  8. Erin B says:

    I am glad they had April apologize to Michael. I did not like how she left things with him. I think maybe she saw some of herself in how her mother acted in her store when she told her about him. Even though this season had its issues, I still really hope it is renewed.

  9. Lisa Echerd says:

    Karen is the worst psychiatrist ever. Oh, wait, I’ve been saying that since the first episode of the first season. Harry needs to go to the head of the Food Network and explain that he and Jonathan have a history and see if there is another possible producer for a show in perhaps a less high profile time slot. The Food network guy really seemed to want Harry on a show. Why does it have to be all or nothing? I’m glad Joss stopped before ending up back in jail. I’m also glad Mark didn’t come crawling back. I understand April’s concerns but she isn’t going to be able to shove those down. She and Mark have never really been right for each other.

    • telegonus says:

      I wholly agree, Lisa. Karen’s behavior is reprehensible. She should have thanked her rather tormented babysitter for serendipitously hooking her up with her new guy rather than threatening to bury her. Awful woman. Karen had neither the charm nor sensitivity to have written what Lydia wrote,–however disingenuously–which was beyond her emotional capabilities. That young woman could teach her a thing or two: about feeling, for instance.

      Yes, the way Harry was brought down by Jonathan was exceedingly cruel and unfair. His way he handled Harry, at arm’s length, keeping him waiting for the Big Yes, put Harry is a tight spot. Since from what I understood there were family issues with Jonathan Harry couldn’t wholly rely on him, as he was obviously not family.

      Joss really rallied in the end, though the more I think about it the less real it feels,–and she tends to feel more real than the others–but her Superwoman comeback, while enormously satisfying emotionally, and truly cathartic, wasn’t true to life. Nor did the “Gift Of the Magi” reconciliation with Harry. It felt right for him, in the moment, but Joss is a piece of work and isn’t going to “recover” any time soon (she’s my favorite character, FWIW.

      Agreed on April and Mark. He showed some character, but it doesn’t seem the right thing for him to be with her. Right now, as an artist,–and I can understand this–commitments of any kind, especially emotionally, aren’t right for him given where he wants to go professionally and artistically. The heartbreak in this part of the series feels more real than in some of the other relationships. It will be interesting, if the series goes on for another season, how April’s mother will fit into all this, if at all.

  10. v says:

    Every time i see Lucy on screen I just want to smack the brat ness out of her