Orange Is the New Black Season 4 Premiere Recap: Intro to Gardening

Warning: Spoilers ahead! Avoid this write-up at all costs if you have not yet watched the Season 4 premiere of Orange Is the New Black.

The ladies at Litchfield were in for a rude awakening in the fourth season premiere of Orange Is the New Black, and we’re not talking about the newly heightened attitude possessed by self-lamented “gangsta” Chapman.

The cheekily titled “Work That Body For Me” quickly confirmed Alex’s fate (she’s alive!) and set up new obstacles courtesy of MCC, new inmates and Martha Stewart archetype Judy King. Let’s recap:

Make no bones about it, at least in the figurative sense: Alex Vause is in deep doo-doo, and no amount of sunflowers are about to perk up her day. Obtaining the “Cosby dream shot” was easy peasy compared to what came next after she and Lolly “took care” of Kubra’s hitman. Though thought to be dead after Lolly kicked his face in and presumably broke his neck, Alex snuck out in the middle of the night to bury the body only to find he was still breathing. And while the former drug peddler was forced to commit her first kill by suffocating the attempted murderer, the worst was yet to come when Frieda was exposed to the corpse left behind in the shed.

Per the newly informed inmate’s suggestion, the trio entered some Criminal Minds-level territory and cut the body into pieces using both hedge shears and a hand saw before burying the various limbs in Litchfield’s garden. (FYI: If the details of Lorna consummating her marriage were considered TMI, then the cutdown of this particular dismemberment was TMM: Too much montage!)

Orange is the New Black

NEW JEFES IN TOWN | Securing the inmates who got out through the fence was the least of Caputo’s troubles, especially after new guard Piscatella (who quickly made an enemy out of Red) was brought in to make his life a little easier. The new warden not only had to go searching for Kukudio — who proved too crazy for even Crazy Eyes (!) — but he was forced to find a way to accommodate self-surrendering lifestyle expert Judy King, who Pearson didn’t want bunking with fellow inmates. (Tough break, Poussey!) For now it appears she’s Healy’s problem, who arrived at work to find her sleeping in his office. And if she can’t make nice with him, perhaps she can bunk with Luschek, who spent most of the hour chatting her up as Caputo dealt with the influx of new criminals and an impossible headcount of those they retrieved from beyond the fence. Aleida’s right: It’s sardine time, bitches.

What could become the biggest challenge of all for Caputo is the behavior of used panty kingpin Chapman, whose pathetic attempt to show her fellow prisoners who’s boss prompted Flaca to tell one of the dangerous new inmates that the naive blonde was “El Jefe” at Litchfield, and was the one to go to should she need anything. We can’t rule out that things go well for Chapman come the inevitable meeting, but this publicity still has us thinking she’s in wayyyyy over her head. We also suspect her new bunkmate won’t put up with her for very long.

What did you think of the OITNB Season 4 premiere? Were you startled by the grotesque turn of events for Alex? Perturbed by Chapman’s mightier-than-thou facade? Grade the episode via our poll, then sound off in the comments. (And please keep in mind that for the sake of those who don’t binge at warp speed, discussions should be about Episode 1 only; subsequent recaps will focus on later developments.)