mistresses recap

Mistresses Recap: Engagement Parties Are Such Sweet Sorrow

To badly misquote a beloved children’s book in service of sexual innuendo to kick off this week’s Mistresses recap: Let the wild humpus begin!

After a pretty chaste Season 4 premiere, Episode 2 found Karen’s sex life going in the opposite direction of her 4-month-old daughter: While the latter bundle of adorableness remains permanently imprisoned in a government-approved car seat, Mama Kim’s libido is drunkenly sticking its head out the top of the limo and shouting “Woohoo, bitches! I’m about to bang my manny!”

Meanwhile, Harry’s sister Kate arrives from a land down under, and before she can exchange air-kisses with Joss, is asking for help in procuring something tall, dark and Latino to put the “lay” in L.A. — just before her wedding to a man who rescues baby animals for a living.

Sorry about your crushed dreams of artistic greatness, April, but you really needed a better plot anyhow — unless Ricky Whittle is making a return appearance and asking to dip his paintbrush into your acrylics. (Hey, that last sentences was only dirty if you wanted it to be — don’t blame your innocent recapper!)

With that in mind, let’s recap the action from “Mistaken Identity.”

PUTTING THE ‘PAIN’ IN PAINTING | April turns to one of her Maison Sur Mer regulars — who happens to be a board member of the Creative Capital Fellowship — for help in getting that art fellowship she’s been dreaming about, a fellowship that’ll require her to spend eight hours per day (!) in the studio. Oh, and she’s got 48 hours to add one more piece to her portfolio — something that’s the essence of herself as an artist. Unfortunately, while Marc agrees to help mind the store, he bails when he gets a final callback for an audition with an established band. At least Lucy is momentarily not awful, cheerleading her mom’s dreams, but it’s all in vain: “You can paint, but you just don’t have it,” says April’s potential benefactor. And so it’s back to a life of scented candles and carefully curated throw pillows. (Ummmm… can I please own that shop?) There’s a little undercurrent of resentment, though, when Marc gets a big “yes!” to his gig, and his puppydog energy makes him a little less than sensitive as April packs up her brushes forever. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Lucy is still secretly defying house orders and sneaking off to see that boy Noel. Doesn’t she know snotty teens on primetime soaps can easily be shipped across country to boarding school?

WORK WORK WORK WORK FROM HOME | Barbara gets Karen a splashy newspaper spread in which she’s dubbed America’s newest “Sexpert” — along with a book event at a place called The Sex Stop. After Karen gets kicked out of her Mommy & Me group for bringing the wrong kind of energy — she laments her plight to her manny Robert, who is a little too eager to abscond with that newspaper clipping and “smokin hot” photo of his boss. (Hey, he reads Playboy for the articles, too!) “I’m a doctor! I can’t be hawking serious advice next to naughty nurse costumes!” Karen cries. But Robert doesn’t see why those tasks are mutually exclusive. When Karen realizes her tales of quickie hotel-room passion served as an inspiration for Kate and other women, she realizes he’s right. “You can’t be responsible for anybody else’s bad ideas,” he tells her. “Just my own, right?” she says, before going in for the kind of kiss that makes me hope they remembered to put Vivian down for the night (or at least turn her car seat in the opposite direction)!

PARTY GONE OUT OF BOUNDS | So I mentioned Kate’s desire to get her a little pre-wedding man snack? Joss tries to talk her out of it, but figures she should at least stay by her future sister-in-law’s side if she’s determined to go through with her wah chicka wah. Harry, though, crashes their happy hour with a hurricane of judgmental indignation, and by the time the dust settles, none of ’em are speaking to each other. Kate brings up the fact that Harry hasn’t even told their mother about popping the question to the sister of his ex-wife, and we learn Joss hasn’t broken the news to Savi, either (although her estranged big sis apparently did come to town for part of the Crazy Wilson murder trial). “Kate’s a grown woman with her own vagina choices!” says Joss, in the best line of the night. But the righteous point fails to make an impact on Harry, and the engagement party thrown by April and Karen features more uncomfortable silence than you watching 50 Shades of Grey with your family at Thanksgiving. Finally, Joss stands up and declares her love for Harry, noting she’s never cared before what people thought about her, and she’s not about to start now. Sure, they got off to a “messy, confusing, complicated start” but she wouldn’t change anything between ’em now. “This is our story,” she says. And they kiss. And it’s lovely. And all is right with the world…

…except there’s a super wealthy investor who wants to back Harry’s restaurant, and Marc is almost overzealously opposed to the dude’s presence. Do they have some kind of past beef – or is Marc just worried the investor dude will be just one more person to say “No” to the idea of his band playing regular gig’s at Harry’s restaurant? (A little presumptuous, yes?)

What did you think of this week’s Mistresses? Are you excited for Kate to become a part of the core quarter? Share your thoughts in the comments!