White House Correspondents' Video: Watch President Obama's 10 Best Jokes

Well, hello there, John Boehner!

The former Speaker of the House, who made news this week by likening Republican presidential hopeful Ted Cruz to “Lucifer in the flesh,” turned out to be the unexpected guest star of President Barack Obama‘s eighth and final speech at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

Obama BoehnerIn a pre-taped bit that closed out POTUS’ intermittently hilarious monologue, Obama and Boehner strolled through the White House donning Ray-Bans, wiped away tears while screening Toy Story and even threatened to partake of publicly verboten cigarettes. “You want one? Hmm?” asked Boehner, as Obama eyed the carcinogen with a goofy desire funnier than anything we’ve seen on Saturday Night Live in the last few months. (Hey, can we get an #ObamaForSNLHost hashtag trending tonight?)

Still, it was the President’s half hour-plus address that brought the loudest and most varied laughs. (Was it me, or did Obama hit his former Secretary of State/current Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton harder than he did Republican sensation Donald Trump?) Below, my countdown of the 10 best — and two least comfortable — zingers:

10. “Eight years ago, I said it was time to change the tone of our politics. In hindsight, I clearly should’ve been more specific.”

9. Discussing his recent surge in approval rating, POTUS joked, “The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major.”

8. “You might’ve heard that someone jumped the White House fence last week. But I have to give the Secret Service credit. They found Michelle, brought her back. She’s safe back at home now. It’s only nine more months, baby. Settle down!”

7. Mentioning a recent trip to England in which he had lunch with the Queen, took in some Shakespeare, and hit the links with British Prime Minister David Cameron, Obama mused, “Just in case anybody is still debating whether I’m black enough, I think that settles the debate.”

6. “If this material works well, I’m gonna use it at Goldman-Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans.”

5. “I love Joe Biden. I really do. I want to thank him for his friendship, for his counsel, for always giving it to me straight. For not shooting anybody in the face. Thank you, Joe.” (If the “shooting anybody in the face” punchline has you befuddled, click here.)

4. To Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders (who was in attendance), POTUS had this to say: “Bernie, you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you’ll understand — you look like 37,000 donations of 27 dollars each.”

3. Obama reserved his most plainspoken but scathing joke for the assembled members of the D.C. media corps, as he cut short the part of his speech directing vitriol at Trump: “Taking your lead, I wanna show some restraint. Because I think we can all agree that from the start, [Trump] has gotten the appropriate amount of coverage befitting the seriousness of his candidacy. I hope you’re all proud of yourselves.”

2. Further throwing shade at the Republican party’s two leading candidates to contend for his place in the Oval Office, Obama noted, “Guests were asked to check whether they wanted steak or fish. Instead, a whole bunch of you wrote in ‘Paul Ryan.’ That’s not an option. Steak or fish.

1. Weighing in on the criticism that Donald Trump lacks foreign policy experience, Obama had this to say: “In all fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world: Miss Sweden. Miss Argentina. Miss Azerbaijan.”

Of course, a couple of the jokes clearly landed with a thud with members of the audience. As Obama noted pointed to Republican Senators Tim Scott and Cory Gardner in the house, he dropped this grim barb: “Security, bar the doors: [Supreme Court nominee\ Merrick Garland come out. We’re gonna do this right here, right now. It’s like the Red Wedding.” (OK, that was an A+ Game of Thrones reference, but mmmmaybe let’s not threaten to slaughter our political opponents in these extra tense times, good sir?)

Later, Obama’s scathing joke about Hillary Clinton played maybe too cruel by half? “You’ve got to admit it, though: Hillary Clinton trying to appeal to young voters is a little like your relative who just signed up for Facebook,” Obama said, before adopting a doddering old-lady voice. “‘Dear America, did you get my poke? Is it appearing on your wall? I’m not sure I’m using this right. Love, Aunt Hillary.’ It’s not entirely persuasive.”

What did you think of President Obama’s White House Correspondents’ speech? Hit the comments with your thoughts!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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35 Comments
  1. lily says:

    I am going to miss him and our beautiful First Lady so, SO much. No one cooler will ever hold this office again.

    • Dave says:

      You are an idiot

    • Whatevah says:

      I so agree! The best President in my life time.

      • Joe j says:

        You must be 8 or younger.

        • Yeahsure says:

          Yeah because Bush was so awesome.

          • Ash says:

            Bush was great his vp was awful. We now have the opposite of sorts. Biden is awesome but Obama terrible, although for different reasons then Cheney.

          • Lucifer says:

            Nobody said Bush was awesome, but Obama is definitely not better than Bush. Most of Obama’s administration has kept Bush’s policies in place. Obama doubled the overall debt of America in 8 years. And he has killed an extremely large sum of people via drone strikes in the middle east which includes American citizens, some mere children. But because he makes a few jokes, he’s apparently god to some people…

          • Annie Sisk says:

            No kidding. I mean come ON people. … I’m hardly a fan of everything Obama’s done in his eight years in the Oval but Bush was *terrible.* Literally the worst. (I’m older than all of you I’m guessing so unless you remember the moon landings and Nixon resigning you should probably move on.)

        • peterwdawson says:

          Try 16 or younger.

    • Chris says:

      I’m going to miss him as well. In spite of how divisive things are today, history will be very kind to President Obama. 50-100 years from now people will look back on him as one of our 10 best and most influential presidents of all time.

  2. David H says:

    So all the jokes about Republicans were fine, but the joke poking fun at a Democrat was “too cruel.” Uh-huh.

  3. Diane says:

    Actually opened my calculator app to multiply 37,000 × 27! ($999,000)

  4. A3rynSun76 says:

    I think I’ll remember President Obama the most for his genuine sense of humor. In his final term he has moved me from being skeptical to proud that he is the leader of my country.

  5. If you cannot take a joke, you probably shouldn’t attend nerd prom then!

  6. David. f. diamond@gmail.com says:

    Someone needs to give Obama a lesson in how to deliver stand up comedy material. He Allowed unbelievably long pauses after telling a joke which was not effective. And most of them were not effective. And the stand-up comic who followed was also por

    • Carm says:

      Since that was his last WHCD and I don’t think he is planning to go into stand up after leaving the WH, he doesn’t really need that lesson.

    • The Beach says:

      For a non-professional, I thought his comic timing and line-delivery were excellent. However, I thought Larry Wilmore was terrible, about as unfunny as his late night show.

  7. Compaore says:

    Humour…

  8. ShuntayviousMeconium says:

    BARACK OBAMA MET WITH THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.

    He asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

    “Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.

    Obama frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around are really intelligent?”

    The Queen took a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.

    The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send David Cameron in here, would you?

    Cameron walked into the room and said, “Yes, Your Majesty?”

    The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.

    Who is it?”

    Without pausing for a moment, Cameron answered, “That would be me.”

    “Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.

    Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. “Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

    “I’m not sure,” said Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

    Finally, Biden ran in to Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, “Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

    Sarah Palin answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

    Biden smiled, and said, “Thanks!” Then, he went back to speak with Obama.

    “Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Sarah Palin!

    Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, “No! You idiot! It’s David Cameron!”

  9. The Annoyed Elephant says:

    His biggest joke has been the last 8 years. What a waste.

  10. Intelligent, handsome, and funny! Will miss him a lot!

    • Pat says:

      I absolutely agree with you, Josiah. I am going to miss the President when he leaves office.

    • HAP says:

      As someone who was quite active in the civil rights movement back in the sixties, and actually wept tears of joy when his first victory was announced, I am so disappointed by the rampant racism that still pervades our nation. That is clearly a major factor in so much of the anti-Obama rhetoric, as well as the intransigence in congress.

      As someone posted much earlier, this president is a class act. He’s intelligent, thoughtful, and has a tremendous self-deprecating sense of humor. I know I will not see another like him in the White House in what’s left of my lifetime.

  11. karenb says:

    Loved #’s 2, 8 and 9. I live for this political stuff. Thought it was a fun night. Am going to miss PBO like crazy. I truly love this man. Am going to be so sad on his last day in office.

  12. IPF says:

    The sad thing is that the joke has been on the American people for nearly 8 years. Just go away traitor. Nothing about you is funny. The only people laughing are clueless liberals and the rest of the world.