“Put me out of my misery!” begged Gwen Stefani, over and over again, as she opened The Voice Top 12 results telecast with a performance of her new single.
The sometimes No Doubt frontwoman didn’t need any musical euthanasia, though, as she actually sounded great — at least to my ears — on a ditty that’s eventually going to make it into my iTunes library (no matter how hard I try to resist buying it).
The true agony and teeth-gnashing happened, alas, every time host Carson Daly attempted to drag out a 60-second announcement across a 60-minute telecast by asking a deeply generic question (“Describe your coach/artist relationship” or “What’s the best advice your coach has given you?”) guaranteed to yield an answer less spicy than an unseasoned parsnip mash.
While we’re on the subject of things that are hard to swallow… how did the artists who ranked third and seventh (out of 12) in the Top 12 iTunes sales rankings wind up as this week’s Bottom 2? Is the volume of Blake Shelton’s wit and homespun wisdom so loud that no one could hear Paxton Ingram completely fall to pieces on “Hands to Myself” Monday night? I mean, dude was the only Voice contestant who failed to crack the iTunes Hot 100 on Monday, and yet… he’s safe?
I cahhhhn’t with it. And yet, seeing how The Voice is the only reality singing game in town, I suppose I must with it. Let’s get to the results, shall we?
Sent to Safety (in Chronological Order)
Adam Wakefield (Team Blake)
Alisan Porter (Team Xtina)
Bryan Bautista (Team Xtina)
Daniel Passino (Team Pharrell)
Shalyah Fearing (Team Adam)
Paxton Ingram (Team Blake)
Laith Al-Saadi (Team Adam)
Hannah Huston (Team Pharrell)
Nick Hagelin (Team Xtina)
Mary Sarah (Team Blake)
Bottom Two/”Save Me” Performances
Emily Keener (Team Pharrell) — “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” | Grade: B+
Owen Danoff (Team Adam) — “Lego House” | Grade: C+
Neither contestant really deserved to get eliminated this early in the competition, but based on their Monday-Tuesday one-two punches, Emily was the clear choice to advance, leading me to a Twitter outburst.
Alas, though, Owen’s closing “Save Me” slot — and Adam’s infinitely more passionate plea to America — sealed the deal.
SAVED BY AMERICA
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO REPLACE PAXTON
Whoops, did I type that last one out loud?!
On that note, your turn. Were you shocked by The Voice Top 12 results? If so, who should’ve been sent to the guillotine? Hit the comments with your thoughts!