No one got arrested after skydiving into a tomato truck, but Fuller House‘s season finale wedding — which began as a vow-renewal ceremony for Jesse and Becky — was still full of surprises.
For starters, Kimmy and Fernando strong-armed the Katsopoli into making it a double wedding, following through with their promise to remarry after their quickie divorce. I use “big day” loosely, though, considering none of Jesse and Becky’s friends or family members — not even Nicky or Alex, with whom they live — returned for the sparsely attended service. (I’m obviously not including Joey, who officiated, or Mr. Woodchuck, who is an inanimate object devoid of feelings.)
But after three trips down the aisle and countless forks-full of wedding cake, Kimmy decided she wasn’t ready to say “I do” (again) just yet. It’s kind of a win-win for everybody, if you think about it: Kimmy and Ramona get to stay at the house, and Fernando doesn’t need to lie to strange women about not being married while he bones his way down the west coast.
Of course, Kimmy’s big decision was merely the warm-up — the cocktail hour, if we’re sticking with wedding metaphors — to the finale’s main event: D.J.’s final choice between Steve and Matt, both of whom were invited to the wedding by a drunk Kimmy and a drunk Stephanie, respectively.
Despite both contestants presenting solid, Bachelorette-style arguments for why they should be chosen, D.J. went with… drumroll please… neither! ”
“I’m sorry, but I just started dating again and this got really complicated,” she told her disappointed suitors. “If it’s this hard for me to decide, I must not be ready for a serious relationship.” (Seriously, though, is anyone Team Matt out there? Show yourselves, I dare you!)
Thus, the She-Wolf Pack lived to prowl another day. But will it live to prowl another season? Grade the finale below, then drop a comment with your thoughts on Fuller House‘s first 13 episodes.