Scream Queens Recap: For Pete's Sake

With all of the flimsy evidence pointing towards Dean Munsch being the killer, the ladies of Kappa Kappa Tau on Tuesday’s Scream Queens found themselves with but one option: Kill. Dean. Munsch.

After failing to poison ol’ Rug-Munch with a glass of Hester’s homemade apple cider (secret ingredient: puffer fish venom), the Kappas attempted to freeze the alleged killer via an extended (27-minute!) stay in a cryo chamber, only to be foiled yet again. Following a bananas brainstorming sesh, which included various theories about monk-training, the movie Teen Wolf and something about Rasputin, Chanel decided to “drown the bitch.”

Unfortunately, Chanel struck out a third time when her fellow Kappas were too busy arguing with a saleswoman — apparently it’s not store policy to put size-zero labels on size-four dresses — to join her by the pool. Thus, a super-awkward showdown occurred between Dean Munsch and Chanel, who all but disowned her “sisters” in the episode’s final moments.

Now for this week’s big revelation, which came courtesy of Pete “Coffee Donkey” Martinez, who told Grace he couldn’t have sex with her because — wait for it — he didn’t think her first time should be “with a murderer!” I know that doesn’t mean Pete is the killer — in fact, if this show has taught us anything, it’s that life at Wallace University is just one long red herring — but it would certainly explain his sketchy phone call about feeling “guilty” and getting off campus as quickly as possible. Seriously, who was he talking to?

Come to think of it, Pete did a lot of weird stuff this week, beginning with his porn-inspired — come on, we all thought it — showdown with Chad. During a reading of Boone’s will, we learned that Chad’s gay bro left everything to Pete, from his unassembled XBox Kinect to his bejeweled butt plug. Chad’s initial theory was that Pete and Boone were secret lovers (“You do not bequeath a box of lube to an acquaintance!”), but it turns out that Boone was merely Pete’s inside source during his investigation. I’m not sure if any of that is relevant, but it was damn entertaining.

Stray Observations:

* I’m having trouble deciding whether Wes’ sex talk with Grace was the best or worst speech he’s ever given. (“I fathered twins with a girl whose name I can’t remember, and those twins grew up to murder a bunch of people.”) Actually, never mind. It was the worst.

* Speaking of things that teeter between being the best and worst, I love that Denise Hemphill snagged the Chief of Police job after everyone on the force was fired for blowing all their money on ghost-hunting equipment. (Also, remember reading this sentence, and that I typed it: Denise Hemphill is 100 percent the killer.)

* If Boone and Gigi are both dead, how were there two Red Devils at the mall with the girls? Who else is working with this person?

* Lastly, I didn’t think I could appreciate a holiday more than Chanel-o-ween — until her twisted version of Black Friday came into my life. I mean, who even needs a festive parade when you can enjoy a full-blown “hippo stampede” at Wal-Mart? Ah, the holidays…

OK, your turn to talk: Did you enjoy Chanel’s Black Friday as much as I did? And who’s your final pick for the other Red Devil? Drop a comment with your thoughts and theories below.