Life lesson from this week’s Sleepy Hollow: Don’t put off telling your loved ones how you feel about them, because you never know when one of you might get turned into a glowing war beast summoned by a very bad man with an even worse agenda.
So I suppose we all owe Atticus Nevins some gratitude, because if it weren’t for his wild-eyed pursuit of Jenny Mills — aka the walking, talking Shard of Anubis, thanks to her touching the gem barehanded last episode — we’d never get the Joe/Jenny and Ichabod/Abbie tender moments we see in this week’s hour.
Then again, without Nevins, we also wouldn’t have to watch Jenny inadvertently help Pandora bring forth a monster who looks like Voldemort’s less-good-looking brother. So maybe it’s a wash.
Read on as we review what happens in “The Art of War.”
CHECKMATE | Ichabod and Abbie spend more time in each other’s company this week than they have all season, starting with a chess game at home — which she’s winning when Daniel shows up. Her boss is heading to D.C. to ask for an extension on the Nevins case, and he’s leaving Abbie in charge while he’s gone. It’s cute how proud she is about that (and, in light of later developments, a bit sad. But more on that in a minute).
Over at the bait shop, Atticus Nevins is freaking out about not being able to deliver the Shard of Anubis to his very demanding customer. Sophie thinks she can go grab it back easily, but he’s got another idea: reciting Norse poetry at Pandora’s lair until her box floats up out of the water and three Teenage Mutant Ninja Rage Turtles on steroids emerge. He gives them the scent of the shard, and they take off.
SHARD-LUCK CASE | Jenny, though, is blissfully unaware, because she’s getting sweaty and breathing heavy with Joe. (They’re boxing.) They’re holding their own — his slick recovery from a prompt take-down is particularly impressive — but then Jenny goes all glowy and white-eyed and suddenly becomes Morpheus in the dojo, moving at superhuman speed as she knocks Joe to the mat as though he were a Beanie Babie.
A consult with the Witnesses reveals that Jenny has essentially become the shard, which means she’s channeling far too much mystical energy through her body. Or, as she puts it, “The shard is gonna kill me.” Joe wants to go back to Nevins for info. Abbie forbids it. Just before it gets heated, the turtles attack, going after Jenny as though she were the last slice of pizza left in the box Master Splinter brought home. Team WTF escapes — barely — and hits the archives in search of a clue.
HEART-TO-HEART | While Abbie and Jenny have a sweet sister moment at one end of the room (quick sum-up: Abbie is really worried that Jenny won’t come out of this OK, and is quietly freaking about her lack of control), Ichabod and Joe have some bro-talk at the other end of the room (quick sum-up: They both need to make a freaking move on the women they love — yeah, I said it. COME AT ME, anti-‘shippers! — and sometimes being a soldier was cool).
The soldier talk gets Ichabod’s gears turning, and I’ll cut it short for you: The turtles are actually Norse beasts called berserkers, and their Kryptonite is mistletoe. Yep, mistletoe. Except that when Crane and Joe shoot mistletoe-infused weaponry at the berserkers, nothing happens. Oh, and did I mention Jenny’s getting worse by the moment?
BOONE FTW | A desperate Abbie OKs Ichabod’s breaking into Nevins’ place to figure out what’s up, and even goes as far as calling off the agents watching the house so Crane won’t get caught. It all goes well until Sophie slams Ichabod up against a wall, but he gets away and crafts a new plan inspired by Daniel Boone, whose coonskin-capped self we see defeating the Hessians and Brits in a flashback.
Meanwhile, Joe takes vials of Jenny’s sparkly blood, and I know she’s basically dying, but they’re so cute, talking about the future. He kisses her gently, she returns the kiss a lot more enthusiastically and I LOVE THEM TOGETHER GUYS.
BLOODY VICTORY… OR IS IT? | Armed with harnesses and the bloody vials, Joe and the Witnesses lure the berserkers out into the open and then descend from the trees to spread Jenny’s blood on the beasts’ backs like a mystical “Kick me” sign. Because they’re locked on to Jenny’s magical scent, they destroy each other — just like Boone’s Redcoats and Hessians — and cause Team WTF to celebrate.
On the way back to the truck, Ichabod and Abbie’s heart-to-heart (quick sum-up: He’s afraid of losing her to an FBI promotion) is interrupted by Nevins and Sophie, guns drawn. Atticus is seconds away from shooting Joe when Sophie turns the gun on him (!) and outs herself as an FBI agent working under Daniel (!!). Abbie’s face says it all: She had no idea.
And while all of this was going on? Jenny was taken over by the shard and drawn to Pandora’s lair, where she sticks her glowing hands in the pond and brings forth Box Lady and a friend — a hooded figure with a scythe — from the depths of treevil. Not sure I’m psyched about another big bad, especially when Pandora still seems rather vague to me, but I’ll keep an open mind…
Now it’s your turn. What did you think of the episode? Sound off in the comments!