The Voice Live Playoffs Results Recap: Grim Reaper by the Dozen

Please accept my condolences regarding The Voice‘s Season 9 Live Playoffs results.

No, I’m not psychic, able to sense your heatbreak from the other side of the World Wide Web — when was the last time you saw that phrase spelled out? — but with 12 contestants going to the guillotine over the course of a one-hour telecast, the likelihood is high you lost at least one contestant you’d grown to love.

That’s the tradeoff we make for our loyalty to NBC’s Emmy-winning reality competition series: We get to enjoy weekly concerts from exceptionally talented/bafflingly undiscovered artists, and then our fellow viewers get to wallop us in the stomach with emotional two-by-fours. (But really, Voice-a-loonies, voting through Team Gwen’s “OMG! Adorbs!” teenager whose voice disappears like restraint and intellect on the set of The View? I just cahhhhhhhhhn’t!)

There were plenty of other surprises on Wednesday’s telecast — at least for those of us who kept our eyes on contestants’ rankings in the iTunes singles chart over the last 48 hours. Emily Ann Roberts made it as high as No. 6 — 11 higher than her closest Team Blake rival — but needed her coach’s sole “Save” to crack the Top 12. Ellie Lawrence easily ranked second highest on Team Gwen — but saw her head roll right off the stage (competitively speaking) by the time the credits rolled. (Celeste Betton suffered a similar fate on Team Pharrell — though the gap between her and cohort Evan McKeel was much less pronounced.)

Anyhow, since I have an Empire recap to get to — anyone who tells you this is not the Golden Age of Television is telling lies from the Book of Lies! — let me cut to results!

TEAM GWEN
Saved by America: Jeffery Austin, Braiden Sunshine
Saved by Gwen: Korin Bukowski (based on overall promise, I accept this choice; based on her Monday night “Adia,” hell no!)
Eliminated: Viktor Kiraly, Regina Love, Ellie Lawrence (bye, Viktor, hold your head up and remember at least you can sing in tune)

TEAM BLAKE
Saved by America: Barrett Baber (eh.), Zach Seabaugh
Saved by Blake: Emily Ann Roberts (Whoa! How did she chart so high on iTunes and yet require Blake’s lifeline?)
Eliminated: Nadjah Nicole (#UntappedPotential), Ivonne Acero, Morgan Frazier

TEAM PHARRELL
Saved by America: Madi Davis (yessss!), Evan McKeel
Saved by Pharrell: Mark Hood (well done, Pharrell!)
Eliminated: Darius Scott, Celeste Betton, Riley Biederer (Gut reaction? I’d have taken any one of these three over Braiden, Barrett or Korin, to be honest)

TEAM ADAM
Saved by America: Jordan Smith, Shelby Brown
Saved by Adam: Amy Vachal
Eliminated: Blaine Mitchell, Keith Semple, Chance Pena

OK, your turn. What did you think of Season 9 Live Playoffs results? Whose exit stings the most? Sound off in the comments!