America's Next Top Model Season Premiere Recap: Do the Height Thing

The struggle is real, especially for unfeasibly hot — but not especially tall — folks who’ve been held back from lessons in tooching, booching, smizing and acting the damn fool on national television all because of their height.

No need to break into a rousing chorus of “We Shall Overcome,” however, as Cycle 22 of America’s Next Top Model is now an equal-opportunity humiliator. Short or tall, hearing-impaired or personality-impaired, everyone has a chance to throw him- or herself into a giant foam pit and root around for balls emblazoned with their own names, balls that tell them “You’re one of the 22 human tragedies deemed pretty/emotionally malleable enough to move into the Top Model house!”

But don’t cry for the nine folks who couldn’t find their balls (so to speak). “I’m not conceited,” declared one chick whose name I didn’t bother to write down, before grousing that there must have been some kind of mistake, given her striking visage and vertical reach. She’ll be paid handsomely when her tears get collected and shipped to the plant where they make Tyra’s signature fragrance.

TM2201a_0116bcWait — who were we talking about? I’ve already forgotten! With that said, let’s dish the five most intriguing hopefuls from a Top Model season — no, cycle — already brimming with breast implants, Zappos product placement, heartbreaking backstories and busted dollar-store crowns. (I’d like to include Tyra’s pantsuit with the scorched-off shoulder in this countdown, but alas, it has already been sent to the Smithsonian.)

5. Justin and Mickey (tied): Crazy-gorgeous Asian guy even impressed the irascible Kelly Cutrone, while the latter, a peculiar hippie dude who broke his family’s pattern of doing jail time and dropping out of high school, might be more interesting than his first impression indicated.

4. Mamé: Diplomat’s daughter whose flawless skin practically had Tyra gasping with shock.

3. Miguel: Openly gay, ex-military guy got very little screen time — but may be the most handsome man to make his TV debut in 2015. #swoon (Sorry, dude who won The Bachelorette!)

2. Ashley: Winner of Week 1’s most striking photo — at least as far as I’m concerned — also has a harrowing backstory of overcoming childhood sexual abuse and several years of living in a homeless shelter.

1. Nyle: Hirsute, deaf fella with a goofy demeanor and a pretty impressive runway strut.

Your turn. What did you think of the Cycle 22 premiere? Which contestants made the strongest first impression? Grade the hour in the poll below, then hit the comments with your thoughts!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. ewniice says:

    Miguel from PR is still in the military.

  2. Alyse says:

    I love the removal of the height limitations for this cycle. Even though there’s only 3 short contestants.

  3. proveitwasme says:

    Hearing-impaired is considered offensive to most of the Deaf community. Nyles calls himself Deaf, so that’s the proper word to use to describe him.

  4. Martin says:

    Haven’t watched it but literally looked everywhere for a photo of Miguel and this site is the only mention of him anywhere on the Internet. Does he exist?
    and if so, anyone have a photo?

    • kent says:

      Looks like the first cut is 8 more down to 14 that are featured. Miguel must be in the eight along with Dallas, big talker Bryant, and girls Maleea, Alexa, and three others they didn’t pay any attention to in the premiere. Although Jake and Ashley who were cut in the first nine got some screen and Gage got a name credit. THey should have 2 hrs to start so everyone who was cut at least would be given a moment of fame. The bald guy and the bearded guy weren’t even named. Would love to have seen their speedos.

    • mark says:

      After a brief google search he doesnt go by miguel heres his real name Cirio Arman, and the other bald dude who got no screen time is brandon lee

      • Martin says:

        Swoon. Thanks for that

      • Guhr Mahn says:

        Actually its the other way around. Her name is Miguel but she goes by Cirio Arman as her stage name. But that is now after she transitioned. Oh I mean he transitioned. I went to high school with her/him so I only know her as a woman and its hard to remember she is a man now.

    • ewniice says:

      Look for him on instagram and facebook by the name Cirio Arman

  5. Alyssa says:

    Justin & Nyle are definitnley in my top 2

  6. Tisha says:

    The catwalk was different. But the guys looked nice.

  7. Elizabeth says:

    Samantha Plan the curve model in photo above

  8. Khryssti says:

    I thought this season’s group was more interesting than most past seasons. I agree with your picks, too which is weird because we never agree on The Voice or AGT. I’d like to add Miss Arkansas (the one with the accent) to the list — judging by her screen time and shallowness, I’m guessing she will go far. Btw I’m calling bs on the guy with blue eyes and dark looks. All babies are born with blue eyes his have been bleached.

  9. AngelWasHere says:

    How did I miss this post?! Some of the “models” don’t look like models to me and I wish they had showed the ones who got cut more. I could swore I saw a really cute blonde dude in that group. Calling BS on the black guy with the blue eyes too tho. Anit no way his eyes are that blue!

  10. Kris says:

    Bryant is so good looking, but that ego though…! Fave from the guys is currently Nyle, Justin and that boy who is only 18! (Sorry, forgot his name). Ashley’s my fave from the girls.

  11. Danielle Ale says:

    I know they usually have a few quirky looking people that photograph interestingly, but seriously more than half this cycles contestants are just straight up unattractive. It’s like they picked them solely based on tragic backstories or crazy personalities. I counted maybe 3 hot people, and at least 8 trainwrecks, Have they just given up on the actual modeling part of the show?

  12. Juliet q says:

    Nyle is soooo handsome!! He has perfect hair perfect body perfect eyes everything I just want to ask what did he look like when he was like in the teenager age I wanted to see a picture thanks