Quotes of the Week from Scandal, Arrow, Brooklyn Nine-Nine and More

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Christopher Columbus may have been stoked when he reached the shores of the Americas, but unfortunately for him, he was born before the dawn of television — and therefore would be totally confounded by TVLine’s Quotes of the Week.

Lucky for you, you can discover a whole new world of zingers, retorts and one-liners from the last seven days of the magical box.

This time around, we’ve got double doses of Arrow and Sleepy Hollow, wiener jokes from How to Get Away With Murder and Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a gay history lesson courtesy of Awkward, a Mars-Venus lesson on Mulaney, a cinematic Selfie reference and much, much more.

So click through the gallery below for the full roster of quotes, then hit the comments and share any great one-liners we inevitably missed.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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26 Comments
  1. Shar says:

    If that’s the best thing out of Mysteries of Laura, I’m glad I decided to quit watching it after 2 episodes.

  2. Tran says:

    Bummed they left out one of Red’s quotes from The Blacklist this week.

  3. Cobra says:

    Second time you’ve left out a great “Girl Meets World” quote:
    “I respect you Baboon. Now will you get out of my way so I can go home?”

  4. Arie says:

    How could you forget Scandal’s “You’re thirsty, but you’re not here for a drink” quote? That was the best quote on the show in a while!

  5. Claire says:

    So glad Arrow is back! Love seeing Emily Bett Rickards back as winner of the week with her fantastic lines and flawless delivery :)

  6. Briggs says:

    I had a birthday dinner for my mother the night of Arrow’s premiere, but the fact that they cherry-picked that quote makes me happy. Usually, Oliver is the one on the other side of Felicity’s barbs, so I’m glad she can whip one out on other people, given the chance. Though I’m sure this means he’ll come find her again… (She did, after all, graduate from MIT, and was one of the top tech people at QC until Oliver unceremoniously yanked her up 17 floors. Though she *is* quite attractive…)

  7. Drew says:

    The Nashville quote is a prime example of what makes that show poorly written. They made Layla crazy so it was easy to sympathize with Will. They turned it around and made him the wronged party. Why not just make him the bad guy in this scenario? He did some pretty messed up things to her.

    • BrittBrat says:

      Honestly I never liked Layla (always loved Will) and I still don’t like her. So at least the writers are consistent on that one.

      • Kay says:

        I agree. Layla was introduced specifically for us to hate her. I don’t see any inconsistency there, though it might have been refreshing to make him the bad guy for once.

      • Drew says:

        Last season, she was annoying. But she had a vulnerable side and she had real emotions. This year, they want an easy way to make her the bad guy so that when Will dumps her, she deserves it. He completely used her, lied to her, and committed a pretty huge personal violation by marrying this girl under false pretenses, and now we’re into this new season feeling as though she is the one who is in the wrong.
        It’s lazy and cheap. The writers want us to like Will, so they take all of the bad that he did and have his victim do worse to him, so we walk away feeling like she had it coming. He is a liar. He is a cheater. He is the bad guy in that situation and the writers would be wise to remember it.

  8. Lysh says:

    I love that some of the photos accompanying the quotes look like someone took a picture of their television. Also, great quotes. It was a great week of TV! Especially with the return/start of a few CW shows.

  9. Lindsay says:

    No Person of Interest? I like when Fusco asks “Riley” what he’s doing there, and he replies, “I was about to close my third case of the day, and I didn’t want you to die before I could gloat.”

    I also liked on Sleepy Hollow when Henry/Jeremy said to Ichabod, “Your son’s a lawyer. You must be so proud.”

    • Angela says:

      That was a good one from Henry, yeah. John Nobel and Tom Mison work well together.
      So glad the “Glee” quote showed up in here-that just cracked me up. Such a random way to end that whole ramble :D. And I loved Abbie’s comment to Crane, too, about Katrina.
      Also liked the “How to Get Away with Murder” quote. Connor’s so evil…

  10. SJ says:

    I laughed out loud at the tear quote from The Goldbergs! :D Nice to see the show is getting some press online.

  11. BrittBrat says:

    I love the quotes from Arrow and Sleepy Hollow! They always have great quotes. I also loved when Snow told them to buy a flashlight lol.

  12. Jennifer says:

    Wish they would have included that Snow OUAT quote in it’s entirety, it was awesome. Also, David made a crack that had me thinking that’s a TVLine of the week!
    Thanks for including the Castle, Sleepy Hollow and Strain quotes, those were great. There’s a few Tom lines from Blacklist that should have made it too.

  13. Lady K says:

    The Jake quote from Scandal is great! But, what elevates it from a great quote to freakin’ awesome is when he says to her: “Call me later if you want me to do that thing to you.” He totally summarizes their current relationship in that scene.

  14. Jooshua says:

    ‘Quotes of the Week’ has ruined my TV viewing experience. Now whenever I hear a funny quote I immediately wonder if TVLine will feature it, and I listen for more throughout the show. Especially when it comes to ‘Arrow’. I am now more convinced than ever that TVLine is employing Amanda Bynes father, and I WILL get this chip out of my head!

  15. KevyB says:

    Nothing funnier than a joke that uses Katherine Heigl as a feminist icon! So sorry I’m not watching that show!

  16. melita says:

    The modern family scene was super funny Haley finally met her match.
    Agents of shield also made some nice quips so did b99

  17. GildedRose says:

    Arrow’s Felicity Smoak always has the best quotes. Love her and Emily Rickards does a fantastic job.

  18. Gloria says:

    The Galleries will never work for me in Firefox anymore. Get the text, no photos. *sad face*

    • Briggs says:

      I stopped using Firefox because it wouldn’t work with me. :( It’s pretty but useless. Insert tasteless joke here. I recommend either IE or Google Chrome for your viewing pleasure. :) Trust me, the change is worth it.