Mistresses Recap: Bluffin' With Their Muffins

“I need to see what cuts I can get my hands on.”

Oh, sure, that’s just Mistresses‘ top chef Harry Davis delaying the torturous “quail or rabbit” decision for the opening night of his hot new Los Angeles eatery, but in some ways, it might as well describe the central conundrum faced by the not-always-faithful players of ABC’s addictive summer sudser.

There’s Joss eyeing her shirtless former brother-in-law like a Weight Watchers’ “Points” disciple confronting a cheeseburger on “cheat night.” There’s Dom showing his not-so-legal briefs to Toni Taut and Tawdry. There’s April once again entangled with her formerly dead husband who’s once again returned from the Florida swamp whence he came. And there’s Karen having a possible psychiatric breakthrough/lawsuit with the recently jilted (and borderline sociopathic) ex-girlfriend of her strong-jawed new paramour. (Oh Karen, how about a referral to a new shrink and a month-long getaway to Costa Rica?)

Speaking of getaways, I happen to be in the middle of my summer vacay, so if you’ll forgive, I’m going to keep tonight’s recap super short. With that in mind, let’s dish our four main Mistresses — while raising key questions about how they’ll finish out Season 2 (of what will hopefully be six seasons and a movie.)

SAVI | Dom concedes the (sad looking) last blueberry muffin at the law-firm breakfast buffet to our flaky protagonist, so she up and decides that not only are they reunited (and it feels so good) but that he’s ready to blow off work and head with her to Costa Rica. Instead, he’s all, “You almost died and didn’t see a therapist; we haven’t discussed the baby we lost; you had a creepy secret friendship with the guy whose car almost killed you; what gives, woman?” After Joss makes a fine point that her sister’s need to make herself indispensable in her relationships stems from being abandoned by her father, Savi has an “A-HA!” moment, drives to her ambivalent dad’s house and realizes Joss is probably the best therapist in our Mistresses quartet. Uggggh-oh, though, Dom’s already out for drinks celebrating Toni Trim and Treacherous’ new job — and girlfriend tells him Savi doesn’t deserve him, splits “cocktails” into two distinct syllables, and wraps her legs around his waist like an attack-dog attorney asking the judge to let her treat the witness as “horny.” (I object!)

Key questions: Can we forgive Dom this indsicretion? How come Savi is still calling Zack despite her revelations? And how pregnant was Alyssa Milano while filming this episode?

KAREN | Following last week’s awkward “Love in an Elevator” encounter, Anna tells Karen she’s been filling her ears with nothing but LIES. (Click that linked word for the best two seconds of your life.) Jacob is all, “could you please give her a referral before I find her wielding a butcher knife in my steamed-up bathroom?” But Karen won’t give up on the suicidal non-prostitute, figuring out that Anna left behind her family in Korea and using that to get the girl to confess some real details. Anna finally admits to Karen — though I’m still not 100 percent true she’s being honest — that she fled her country at 17 with her English teacher, wound up getting raped on her wedding night, and has fallen into a subsequent and terrible pattern of getting abandoned by men and feeling she’s the one who’s to blame. Karen soothes the poor young woman with a side-hug and a chant of “you’re OK,” but I’m still a little suspicious there’s more than meets the eye in this Why The Face scenario.

Key questions: Is it possible Anna is Elizabeth Grey’s minion, or do I just need to let a crazy dream rest in peace? Is Karen still the last person to whom you’d turn for mental-health issues? Why is Jacob’s shirt always on?

JOSS | In the midst of planning for the opening night of Wunderbar, Joss sees Harry’s wet and glistening post-shower abs at a dangerously close distance. Everyone has to question everything they know about everything and everyone (you and me included). Joss responds by setting Harry up with a friend who chews with her mouth open, and when Harry is all, “Whaaaaa???” Joss tells him Scott thinks they spend too much time together. Just then, the needle scratches across the record of Harry’s face, and we’re left wondering if next week will find these two hot blondes creating some fusion cuisine (if I’m not being too subtle) or laughing it off and realizing it’s much ado about her endless gams and his chiseled-from-a-Disney-cartoon abs.

Key questions: Am I the only one hoping for Joss and Harry to merge into Jorry (or is it Hoss)? Did we miss Scott this week? (I kinda did!) And wouldn’t you love to go wine-tasting with Joss?

APRIL | I don’t speak French. I don’t even like to read French words and phrases aloud when they pop up in English text. But when did April’s store become “Maison Sur Mer” instead of “Maison Par la Mer”? Also — didn’t you love seeing what she’s charging in the “Patisserie” department? I mean, at $4.75 for a Fruit Danish, that ish had best be tayyyyyy-stuhhh. Anyhow, formerly dead ex Paul calls April out of the blue, says he’s gotten mixed up with a bad crowd, and might have to do jail time. Oh, and maybe she’ll need to tell Lucy he’s not actually six feet under, since his name might be on the news. Suddenly, there’s a dude in April’s candle candle department who clearly doesn’t know (or care about) the difference between Sandalwood and Eucalyptus. And then he’s in the parking garage and camped outside her house and I can’t help but feel like we’ll learn that abtastic artist Daniel was really some kind of undercover agent assigned to find out how much and how soon April learned of her hubby’s staged death. (How’s that for a run-on?)

Key questions: How sweet was Harry coming over to comfort a baseball-bat carrying April? And if you were Lucy’s mom, would you spill the truth or keep those ugly secrets about Paul to yourself?

Your turn. What did you think of this week’s episode? Is Karen possibly not terrible at her job? Is there any forgiving Dom now? Do Anna and Toni have more nefarious endgames than we’re being led to believe? And what about Harry’s abs? Hit the comments with your thoughts!