And indeed, with the Judges’ Save having been
squandered used last week, the forecast for ’80s Week voting tallies was Cosby (sweaters) with a 50 percent chance of children’s tears.
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There was also — rather inexplicably — a zero percent chance of a performance from the week’s fantastic guest mentor David Cook. (Ummm…wait a second. Exec producer Per Blankens & Co. had the Season 7 champ on the premises all week, and didn’t bother to carve out three bloody minutes for him to test-drive one of the tracks from his forthcoming album? (#illegal) If I didn’t know better, I’d think nobody at Fox gave two hoots about whether folks hung around to the 9:30 hour (and Chris Meloni’s charming new sitcom).
Anyhow, at least there was no encore “performance” from J.Lo. (Fun fact: Possible followups to “I Luh Ya Papi” include the completely fictitious tracks “Can You Pay My Bills [Can You Pay My Auto-Tune Bills]?,” “Putin’ Da Lo in J.Lo” and “Sketchers Shape Ups [Sponsored by Sketchers].”)
OK, OK, I’ll cut it out. After all, there’s nothing that can poke fun at J.Lo’s musical oeuvre like a genuine J.Lo song title.
So let’s jump to results:
Sent to Safety (in No Particular Order)
Bottom 2 Vote-Getters
Poor, sweet Malaya, clearly shellshocked by her elimination, tried to belt her way through “I Am Changing,” but her inevitable tears turned it from a vocal performance into a funeral procession. If only the judges had followed Malaya’s pre-season premonition, and told her to wait a few years before auditioning, we might’ve been looking at a Season 17 champ. (Yes, I fully believe there will be a Season 17.)
On that note, I turn it over to you.
What did you think of Season 13 Top 8 (redux) results night? What did you think of the Bottom 2? Why was there no Bottom 3? Was the right person booted? Sound off on all those questions and more in the comments!