Glee Recap: Dare You To Move

Glee Kurt BlaineWith life in Lima now a distant memory, Tuesday’s Glee marked the gang’s full-time transition to New York. But life in the Big Apple turned out to be more difficult than everyone anticipated, especially because they brought all their old baggage with them.

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To wit: Kurt and Blaine struggled to figure out their future as a couple, Rachel strove to become a slightly less ridiculous human, Artie grappled with navigating the city in a wheelchair and Sam — well, Sam never really has problems. So like I said, it was business as usual.

MOVIN’ OUT | “Are we turning into an old married couple?” Kurt asked Blaine, as the couple sat down to discuss the newspaper over breakfast, before launching into a cutesy performance of “You Make Me Feel So Young.” (For the record, there’s nothing teenagers love more than print media and Frank Sinatra.) This turned out to be the first sign of conflict for the couple, as Kurt was ready to drown Blaine in a vat of his own hair gel by the end of the hour. Following a tense — yet totally one-sided — showdown between Blaine and Starchild, both halves of Klaine decided it’s best for them to live separately, which might have been the only logical development in the entire hour.

MODEL BEHAVIOR | The TV gods clearly heard my prayers, because a major part of this week’s Glee involved Sam getting — wait for it — a haircut! And it turns out that’s all you need to get a modeling gig in New York because, within minutes, he was slipping into a pair of bubble butt-shaping undies for his first-ever photo shoot. He also scored a sweet apartment with some of his fellow models, but he wasn’t quite feeling their pill-popping lifestyle, so he decided to live with Blaine and Mercedes. (Oh, did I not mention that Mercedes is back? She’s back.)

RACHEL TO THE RESCUE | Giving new meaning to the term #WhiteGirlProblems, Rachel’s big crisis this week was that she’s too “sheltered,” and her quest for humanity led her underground, where she helped Artie overcome his own subway qualms. He entered the hour with a refreshingly upbeat view of New York City’s transit system (I believe the word “romantic” was used), but less than 20 minutes into the episode, he discovered the truth: The subway a horrible place, full of vicious — yet strangely apologetic — pickpockets. In true Glee form, though, Rachel and Artie ended up finding the pickpocket, macing him and getting Artie’s laptop back. (I’m just surprised they didn’t sing about it, to be honest.)

Glee Adam LambertFAREWELLIOTT | I know Adam Lambert’s a busy guy, but did this have to be his last episode for the foreseeable future? Elliott turned out to be the best addition to Glee all season, and this episode reinforced that. Not only did he kill it on “Rockstar,” but he also served as the (only) voice of reason, instantly fixing Blaine’s problems like some kind of sparkly vampire Band-Aid. Everything about him is perfect, and he will be missed.

And now, we play the Rating Game…
Rachel, Kurt, Blaine, Sam and Artie: “Downtown” — Rating: B+
Kurt and Blaine: “You Make Me Feel So Young” — Rating: A-
Sam and Blaine: “Best Day of My Life” — Rating: B
Elliott and Kurt: “Rockstar” — Rating: A-
Rachel and Artie: “Don’t Sleep in the Subway” — Rating: B-
Rachel: “People” — Rating: A

What was your favorite song this week? And what did you think of the episode, in general? Cast your vote below, then drop a comment with your review.