Quotes of the Week: Best Zingers From Hannibal, Good Wife, Brooklyn, Revenge, Helix and More

April Fools’ Day is nigh, but we’re not kidding around when it comes to TVLine’s Quotes of the Week – a collection of the best retorts, one-liners and bon mots from the small screen over the last seven days!

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This time around, we’ve got a Friday Night Lights reference on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, an LL Cool J lyric on Revenge, alcohol-related content from NCIS and Cougar Town, a Joan Rivers rant, a double dose of Justified and much more.

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So click through the gallery below for our latest batch of honorees, then hit the comments to weigh in on your faves — and add anything we’ve inevitably missed!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Titoveli says:

    LOL at that tony line on ncis

  2. wonderwall says:

    Is it just me or did anyone else notice that Felicity from Arrow always gets quote of the week? Okay maybe not ALWAYS but most of the time… Which just goes to show how awesome she is!

    • DarkDefender says:

      How awesome the ARROW writers are…

      • wonderwall says:

        Seriously though, I commend the writers for creating a fantastic character like Felicity. I just hope we find out more about her in the upcoming episodes (which I’ve been hearing we will?)

        • Claire says:

          The writers can write it, but it is possible to tank on delivery. However, with EBR, she manages to deliver on point time and again. Looking forward to seeing more of Ms. Smoak and learning more about her! Curious to see what two things from her speech in 2.13 poo back up in the coming episodes!

          • chiianna says:

            EBR was on the ball with the Boobs comment.. I thought that was the best of all the funny lines this episode. For an Arrow episode it actually had a fair amount of funny moments. EMR and CL do tend to play off of each other very well, at the expense of the guys.

    • Dominator of destruction says:

      Canary had my favourite quotes this week ‘I am what i need to be’ and ‘I was holding back’ were my favourites mostly the delivery

      • wonderwall says:

        I usually like Sara but she irked me this episode… How is no one discussing the fact that she told Oliver that he created Slade? I thought that was a low blow and completely uncalled for :/

  3. Jami1331 says:

    Number 20. Yes.

  4. S. says:

    Hee hee hee. So funny you make me almost wish I actually watched any of these shows.

  5. Mary says:

    I liked Fusco’s line after Reese took one of the French Foreign legion guys through a window that was trying to kill the person they were protecting – “Hope that guy has health insurance.”

  6. dude says:

    Don’t encourage Joan Rivers. Her insufferable “say the meanest thing I can think of about everyone” brand of “comedy” doesn’t deserve praise, especially after what she said to Lena Dunham.

    • scooter says:

      I totally agree. But somehow she has been getting by with this type of crap for years.

    • Lola says:

      Normally I totally agree, but in this case I have to make an exception. Joan is pretty much spot on.

    • tp says:

      I’m not normally a fan of Joan Rivers because she’s just so mean. Like not even snarky just out right mean. I’m going to find a clip of this because I don’t like to see things out of context. I will say that GP gets on my nerves lately.

  7. Lindsay says:

    I liked the Bones line that went something like “We’re here to inform you that your brother’s dead… and that corn isn’t a vegetable.”

    • EJ386 says:

      I thought this weeks episode of Bones was cringe-worthy bad, possibly the worst they have had ever. So I’m glad they didn’t get a spot here…

      • Evan says:

        Bones in general is becoming a really bad tv show!!! Brennan at this point is so insufferable, she hasn’t grown at all in the nine years its been on air! I know people are going to point to her having a baby and getting married but look at how she talks to people, her arrogance, her jealousy at anyone who has credentials that rivals her own!!! Honestly no one would be this womans friend in real life, but the writers like to pretend that since she is brilliant she can act and treat people anyway she wants!

        • tp says:

          The very thing that turned me off of Bones. I’ve been reading comments about it hoping that the character had changed but I guess not.

        • EJ386 says:

          That is true, but as long as the cases were awesome I could live with that, but last time was a joke.There wasn’t even really a crime, except that a natural death was covered up for no good reason.

  8. Darlene says:

    Michael Weatherly has such wonderful comedic timing. His delivery of the “I’m sorry. ..” line was snap on and so funny. I rewatched that scene a number of times just to enjoy the funny between he and Emily Wickersham. I’ve enjoyed the humor on NCIS this season.

  9. Mike says:

    What about Roy’s ” I can’t look at a bowl of water without slapping it”!!??

  10. Francine says:

    Love the Justified quotes! The show is full of them every week.

  11. Angela says:

    Will always support someone calling out the One Million Moms group on their obnoxiousness :D.
    Also, I’m not a huge Joan Rivers fan, but I can’t really argue with her on her comment here. God, yes, no kidding.

  12. GildedRose says:

    Arrow’s Felicity consistently has great zingers from week to week. We definitely need more character expansion for her. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is another awesome show. Funny from start to finish and last week’s episode was awesome.

    • Dominator of destruction says:

      I think Felicity is over rated [ducks for cover]

      • wonderwall says:

        Eh to each their own! Maybe once we find out more about her hopefully you will think otherwise? Because right now Felicity is just being used as that quirky girl who delivers zingers week after week. I honestly want so much more out of her character than that!

  13. Jodi says:

    Another Nashville quote: “Screw Teddy…”
    Deacon to Megan as they hug after he relays his stress over his and Teddy’s earlier confrontation. Oh the look on her face was priceless…