Quotes of the Week: Best Zingers From Castle, Today, Kimmel, Criminal Minds & More

The Winter Olympics may be in the books, but another exciting sporting event continues: The quest to select the small screen’s best zingers, one-liners and retorts from the last seven days.

Yes, folks, it’s time for TVLine’s Quotes of the Week!

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This time around, we’ve got a Today show dig, a Girls put-down, Sochi-related jokes from Kimmel and Letterman, a harsh truth on The Bachelor, a double dose of Castle and much more.

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So click through the gallery below for our latest batch of honorees, then hit the comments to weigh in on your faves — and add anything we’ve inevitably missed!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Lily says:

    LOL re the Castle zingers. There were so many on this last show. Regarding Sharleen’s comment to Juan Pablo…she actually should have left the first week. She’s kind of puffed up in her own importance.

  2. Alex says:

    I thought the Downton Abbey quote was, “Rosamund has no interest in French. If she wishes to be understood by a foreigner, she SHOPS.” Which to my mind, was much more comical.

  3. Angela says:

    Got a good chuckle out of Garcia’s quote from “Criminal Minds” :D. Though actually, my favorite line came from the episode’s unsub, weirdly enough-when the marriage therapist he and his wife were seeing mentioned she was divorced, he said something like, “We’re paying you for advice on something you failed at?”

  4. c-mo says:

    The kids thought there was something wrong Friday morning I was laughing so hard at/with Matt & Bob. Matt was so smooth delivering that line, it might have been the single greatest event to happen during NBC’s coverage of the Olympics!

  5. Audrey says:

    I love your love of Cougar Town. That’s all :)

  6. Rich Abey says:

    Kate’s “Now shut up and kiss me” should enter Castle folklore what with it being in the middle of Caskett dancing at the Senior Prom for the very first time (to “In my Veins” no less!).

  7. Jon says:

    Matt Lauer for the win!

  8. TVPeong says:

    Glad to see Terry Gannon, Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski. I thought their coverage of the figure skating events was very entertaining.

  9. Deena says:

    This was from late night olympic coverage and I laughed so hard, I nearly woke my husband:

    “The Top 3 ladies were on fire in their shorts…” – Gracie Gold to Bob Costas

    (Clearly talking about the medalist a’ short programs, but you could tell when it came out of her mouth that she knew it sounded so wrong!”