Couch potatoes, get ready because a whole lot of TV is coming your way this Labor Day Weekend. There’s three Law & Order marathons, trips down memory lane for House and Boy Meets World fans, and new episodes of several current TV faves, including Under the Dome and Mistresses. Plus, FXX kicks things off in style with a Parks and Recreation fest! To help you wade through it all, we’ve singled out the best fare for holiday viewing.
SATURDAY, AUG. 31
6 am – 6 am Sunday Law & Order: Criminal Intent (Cloo) | We’d never let you down by not including a L&O marathon. To top it off, there’s two more below! It’s like the world’s most obvious game of Where’s Waldo… with corpses.
6 am – 3 am Sunday Survivorman (Science) | Adventurer Les Stroud ventures into the wild with no food, no water and no crew. So he’s like another Bear Grylls? When does he drink his own urine?
8 am – 6 pm The Game (BET) | It’s survived two networks and is going on its seventh season. This show has game.
11 am – 3 pm Boy Meets World (MTV2) | Confession: This TVLine reporter’s new Saturday morning ritual is watching reruns of the cult fave, and honestly, they hold up better than some currently airing shows.
6 pm – 4:02 am Sunday Storage Wars (A&E) | We hear America has an obsession with this show. (Also airs Monday, 9 am – 8 pm.)
9 pm Doctor Who: The Doctors Revisited (BBC America) | Paul McGann plays the eighth incarnation of The Doctor in this 1996 TV movie.
9 pm The White Queen (Starz) | Revisit the first three episodes of Starz’s latest sexy historical epic.
SUNDAY, SEPT. 1
6 am – 3 pm Arrested Development (IFC) | If you weren’t crazy about the Netflix episodes, may we suggest some original flavor Bluths this weekend? (Also airs Monday, 6:15 am – 5:15 pm.)
7 am – Noon Hatfields & McCoys: White Lightning (History) | It turns out the legendary families are still squabbling in this reality series.
11 am – 2 am Monday Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (USA Network) | We told you there was more L&O!
1 – 6 pm Property Virgins (HGTV) | We see what you did there, including the word “virgins.” Nice try, HGTV.
1 – 10 pm Ray Donovan (Showtime) | Catch up on the first nine episodes of the new Showtime series.
4 – 11 pm Oprah: Where Are They Now? (OWN) | Queen O gives us an update on Hanson, Molly Ringwald, Columbine survivors, Mary Jo Buttafuoco and other memorable guests
8 pm – 1:50 am Tuesday The Bond Collection (Encore) | Bond, James Bond — all weekend long.
MONDAY, SEPT. 2
6 am – 6 am Tuesday Ghost Whisperer (Chiller) | Melinda, spirits from the beyond and outfits — lots and lots of outfits.
6 am – 6 pm Law & Order: Criminal Intent (Oxygen) | Even more L&O: CI, this time on a different channel!
6 am – 8 pm SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon) | Something for the little ones. (Don’t say we never did anything nice for you.)
7 am – Midnight Parks and Recreation “Treat Yo’ Self” Marathon (FXX) | The FX offshoot opens its first day of programming with 34 episodes of the NBC comedy. Selections include the pilot, “Pawnee Zoo” and “Andy and April’s Fancy Party.”
7 am – 5:30 pm Two and a Half Men (FX) | A marathon of earlier, simpler (?) times on the CBS comedy, starting with the pilot.
8 am – 8 pm NCIS (USA Network) | The other holiday weekend marathon staple. Can you guess the third? Hint: It starts at 11 am today.
8 am – 4 am Tuesday Stargate Atlantis (Syfy) | Feed your belly with burgers from the grill, feed your sci-fi cravings with this set of Stargate eps.
9 am – 10 pm Fast N’ Loud (Discovery Channel) | The guys from Gas Monkey Garage — nice name, dudes — search for and restore run-down cars.
9 am – 2 am Tuesday The Haves and the Have Nots (OWN) | If you’re wondering what happened to Papa Kent, aka John Schneider, he’s on this Tyler Perry soap.
10 am – 8 pm Back-to-School Marathon (Starz Comedy) | Two doses of Lohan (Confessions of A Teenage Drama Queen, Freaky Friday), a classic (Dazed and Confused) and some Channing Tatum action (21 Jump Street), and you’ll be ready for class.
10 am – 10 pm Castle (TNT) | Will they? Won’t they? (Spoiler alert: They totally did.)
10 am – 8 pm Roseanne (WEtv) | Joss Whedon’s first TV writing gig was on this show, so you have to watch it!
11 am – 3 am Tuesday Criminal Minds (Ion) | If you guessed this show as the third holiday weekend marathon staple, you win… the chance to stay on the couch all day.
1 – 10 pm Dexter (Showtime) | If you missed any of the first nine episodes of the show’s final season, this marathon is your friend. Your creepy, slightly off friend.
1 – 8 pm Love It or List It (HGTV) | Just make up your minds!
3 – 8 pm Animaniacs (The Hub) | Bill Clinton playing the sax is part of the theme song. Can you imagine a current kids’ cartoon doing something like that?
7 pm – Midnight General Hosptial (SOAPnet) | Missed the last six episodes? SOAPnet has you covered.
9 pm Mistresses (ABC) | The judge delivers a shocking ruling in Grey vs. Kim, and that’s just the beginning of Karen’s problems.
10 pm The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco (Comedy Central) | Roast master Seth Rogen (Knocked Up) presides over the verbal flaying of the multi-hyphenate former Freaks and Geeks star. Roasters include Bill Hader and Andy Samberg (Saturday Night Live), Aziz Ansari (Parks and Recreation), Natasha Leggero (Burning Love) and Jonah Hill (Superbad).
10 pm Under the Dome (CBS) | Big Jim turns the town against Barbie when the truth about his past is revealed.
10 pm The Writers’ Room (Sundance) | Season finale: American Horror Story creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk, writer Tim Minear and star Lily Rabe dish behind-the-scenes details about the disturbing FX series, including what type of scenes pique the FCC’s interest (and what type doesn’t) and the one thing Jessica Lange asked never to do again. (Not yet renewed.)
11:05 pm Summer Camp (USA Network) | Season finale: The summer’s final battle takes the form of The Campathalon, a two-day, multi-event Color War culminating in Capture the Flag and one team taking home the $250,000 prize. (Not yet renewed.)
Which of the above is a must-see for you? Also, hit the comments to offer your own tune-in suggestions.