Dumpster Dive: Day 2 of Kris Jenner's Talk Show -- 'See? The Dog Is Smarter Than I Am!'

Kris Jenner Talk Show DogI brought exceedingly low expectations to Day 2 of Kris, the new daytime talker from Kardashian family matriarch Kris Jenner. And yet, to my surprise, I still marveled (and occasionally chuckled) at how the level of discourse plummeted like a stone from a highrise balcony.

Read on for the Top 12 Moments of Total Idiocy from the Talk Show That’s Less Fun Than Getting Pinned Beneath a Falling Flat-Screen (TM Pending).

12. The look of abject terror on Sparky’s face (above) as he was about to be sucked into the celebreality television vortex.

11. “Jesus, for sure…it has to be: I have a lot of questions!” –Kris, answering a viewer query about which guests (alive or dead) would be on the list at her ultimate dinner party. (Meanwhile, you know Jesus was all, “What? I haven’t suffered enough?”)

Kardashian unicorn10. This sad, sad photo of a “unicorn” taken at a birthday party for Kris’ granddaughter. Look closely at the animal’s eyes, and you can almost hear it saying, “Oh hell to the neigh! As if this headgear isn’t humiliating enough, now you tell me I’m gonna be on that s***-show Keeping Up With the Kardashians?”

9. “One of the most special times was when Oprah came over to the house. I mean, it’s Oprah!” –Kris, in shameless name-drop mode

8. “I thought it was soy sauce!” –Kris, after being informed that she’d just poured a dish of balsamic vinegar into a sloppy Joe mixture during a cooking segment with Nadia G

7. “Say it in Italian!” –Kris, attempting to get flirty with cohost Antonio Sabato, Jr., after being told by a “fashion” “expert” that one of her best colors is “viola”

6. This exchange about the indignities endured by the common class:

Style “expert” Daniel Musto: For my clients, when they shop on their own, they’re always so confused because the mall is so overwhelming.
Kris: It is!

5. “I think this is a real inspiration to people that have pets and don’t get out and do this. Because I know that as my dog ages, she eats and doesn’t get as much exercise. And you don’t want a fat animal. I think it’s amazing.”–Kris, after watching Biggest Loser star Dovette Quince and a small dog demostrate a “workout” that involved each of them stepping up onto a stool

4. “I wet myself!” –Kris, after finishing second (out of two) in an indoor go-kart race

3. Kris demonstrating her literary aptitude: “What was the pig’s name in Charlotte’s Web? Babe!” (Clearly, Kris is destined to follow in Oprah’s footsteps and become a champion of classic literature and cutting-edge new authors. If she can find a way to do it without actually having to read anything, that is.)

Kris Jenner Talk Show2. “Stop at the paint store. Pick up a bunch of paint swatches that interest you. Take them home, get buck naked, check yourself out in the mirror and hold some swatches up…See what really pops on you!” –Style guru Daniel Musto offering super-practical advice for how to make clothing shopping easier (See how upsetting the accompanying screengrab is now that you know what’s prompting Kris’ mischievous smile?)

1. “See? The dog is smarter than I am!” –Kris, after failing to navigate a course of four orange cones during a “workout” segment with little Sparky (Hey, those are her words, not mine!)

Have you caught any of Kris Jenner’s talk show? If so, how many brain cells do you think it killed? How many days or weeks do you think it’ll last? And were you overcome with a sudden and terrible fear that Kris was going to give away copies of daughter Kim’s empire-launching sex tape as today’s audience-member gift (or is that just my dark mind at work)? Sound off below!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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58 Comments
  1. Chablis says:

    Won’t watch. But laughed at this article. How are the ratings?

  2. Allison says:

    I am so glad this doesn’t air in my market. So, so glad. I feel for those who actually are subjected to this garbage. Just because you have famous children doesn’t mean you’re a qualified to be a talk show host.

    • ginger says:

      They need to get these freaks OFF TV……….PLEASE

    • IDB says:

      Sure, and these “famous” children are famous for what reason……their dead daddy was friends with killer O.J. Simpson, they predominantly date black dudes, and lard butt Kim made a porn flick with Brandy’s brother…..wow, what a resume. And the family matriarch…..what a gem…..mind rot.

      • Susan says:

        Don’t forget that while other networks chose to have a moment of silence on 9/11 NBC featured Kris talking about her boobs.

        • Rachael says:

          Seriously? I am trying soooo hard not to hate these people (or anyone), but they make it so darn difficult. OMG. Seriously?

      • Cheryl McBee says:

        Fabulous family. And their husbands/baby daddies consist of: an undercover gay and serial cheat, an uncultured, illiterate ball player – with a farting condition (great catch), and sperm donor. Strange as Bruce got; even HE bailed..

  3. lariet50 says:

    Michael – you get hazard pay for this, right?

  4. Katrinka says:

    I cannot bring myself to watch this…even for the “love to hate it” factor. Bless you, Michael Slezak, for sharing this “Top 12 Moments of Total Idiocy from the Talk Show That’s Less Fun Than Getting Pinned Beneath a Falling Flat-Screen (TM Pending)” list & allowing me to keep my current number of brain cells in tact.

  5. SF says:

    I was screaming laughing at this article, especially the said ‘unicorn’ poor thing!

    @Allison- consider yourself blessed and please pray for us Dallasites; Dallas gave her the highest rating over the other test sites. sigh.

  6. Jared says:

    Kris doesn’t air in my market..Thank God!

  7. izzybella says:

    Kris airs in my market (Dallas/Fort Worth, and apparently my city gave her some love) but I just can’t do it. I cannot bring myself to watch. This entire family sort of creeps me out. I do not understand this incessant need to have cameras recording every single moment of their lives. I also do not understand why anyone would even watch! I can understand hate-watching Smash, for example, but not the Kardashians. That bypasses gleeful hate-watching altogether and moves straight into the category of torture. Truthfully and in the interest of full disclosure, beyond some of the talent competitions like “So You Think You Can Dance,” I generally have no use for reality television at all.

    • Richard says:

      Of course you understand why people watch it. 98% of Americans are stupid. Look at channels like history Channel, Discovery Channel, The Learning Channel. They used to be educational programming, now they show shows like, We’re stupid hillbillys’s, Baby Boo Boo and such. Why? because people were not watching anything educational. Americans want to watch dumb ass reality shows that people think are real and not scripted.

  8. Marta Lind says:

    I love her show ,good for her she has her own talk show…. She’s a very savy lady….how do I fet to be on the Kris show!!!!!!!

    • Josh says:

      And by ‘savy’ you mean fame hungry, right? Also, she’s terrible.

    • AnitaC24 says:

      She’s anything but SAVVY. Mrs. Jenner is only able to discuss things Kardashian — beyond that she’s intellectually challenged. By day four of her “talk” show, I’m sure she’ll be mute. But, by all means, Marta, enjoy.

    • Chrissy says:

      I don’t mind her show either, granted the content needs to be brought up a notch but its a new show I will give it time. I mean if u wanna be intellectually stimulated then watch Charlie Rose! And for those who actually took time to write about HER show u may wanna think about how un savvy she is. After all your taking time out of your life to post about a woman u don’t care about, right? Please.

      • Richard says:

        Chrissy, you must be very savvy yourself with words like wanna, I think you mean (want to) and u instead of (you). You are the reason The learning channel had to change thier programming from educational to Honey Boo Boo. Congratulations you are part of the 98%. 98% is the percentage of Americans that are stupid.

  9. Harriet Harris says:

    She’s crying over his review-all the way to the bank

  10. DavidSask says:

    Can we get an article on test run talk show The Real as well please thanks!!!

    • MC says:

      I wish someone would post the transcript of the opening fifteen minutes of the roundtable “discussion” from “The Real” today. Lots of fast talking? Check. Lots of personal “sharing?” Yes. Catty and Sassy? Yes. Interesting, unpredictable content? Close to zero. News content? Zero. Daytime talk is not exactly designed to stimulate brain cells, however.

  11. I REFUSE to watch this atrocity of a “talk” show. What the hell does Kris Jenner know anything about anything. She is not smart, nor is she articulate. She comes off so standoffish and beyond narcissistic its disgusting. Who did she pay to get her own talk show? If this last more than a week I’ll be shocked and it will only prove that the Kardashians have some serious dirt on someone very high up in the entertainment business. Because I cannot fathom how or why they are still on TV let alone so damn famous? People please stop watching them. Btw Michael great article & from everything I’ve heard/read every single journalist &I critic agrees with you 100%. So again why does she have a talk show?

  12. Allyson says:

    Please God let this show get cancelled. This woman is so full of herself. She is addicted to the media. She lives in, thrives on, and will suffer if there goes one week without at least one camera on her.

  13. IDB says:

    I vehemently loathe this entire family, but I loathe this no talent fame whore more than all the others combined.

  14. I have to say I never.subscribe to comment replies but did this time to see what ppl had to say and I am so glad I did bc seriously the comments about Kris’ talk show (if u want to call it that) are some of the best comments I.have read in a long time. Oh I hope she is reading them &I realizes we are all laughing at her (of course she’s prob laughing at us all the way to the bank) but I’d rather be poor &I have respect &I integrity than be a Kardashian anyday of the week.

    • Susan says:

      She pays people to read this kind of stuff then tell her only the good points. She probably fires anyone who has the audacity to inform her of a bad review.

  15. duranmom says:

    Anderson got cancelled but THIS is on?!? I watched less than 5 minutes today and had to turn it off. It was so bad.

  16. Charlie says:

    I can not stand this woman or the rest of her family. I watched the first episode to see just how terrible it would be. She didn’t disappoint me, what a hideously boring show! She had no chemistry with the cohost (I didn’t know who he was anyway lol), and she stepped on every segment, trying to get a laugh, and falling flat on her face. She cannot interview people. On the cooking segment, they didn’t even really taste the food, or say if it was good or not. Just terrible!! And that baby stunt! Please cancel this now.

  17. tammy says:

    Poor Bruce she does not even have the respect and decency to mention his children (her step children) under meet Kris on her web page about the show. Everything she has ever done is listed, everyone she manages is noted and all members of the family right down to baby North but NO JENNER KIDS!!!! Tasteless if you ask me to say the least I have step children and I love them all the same…..
    Good luck Kris you are going to need Jesus at your table after this mess!!!!!

  18. John says:

    That horse, in it’s short time with the family, has seen things and welcomes death. If you look in the poor things eyes it has already checked out.

  19. Toya says:

    All you naysayers need to stfu. Who the eff cares if she has her own talk show. Do you have one? Are you worth millions? The reason this family is so popular is not only the positive followers, but also the negative ones. Good job promoting them since you hate them so much! So dumb! How can people waste so much energy hating on this family and their empire?? Just leave it alone and ignore it, it doesn’t make you look cool to bash on people that are making money, and lots of it! What I don’t understand is why everyone is agains their show??? It’s hilarious and just like any other dramedy. It’s on for entertainment not freaking educational purposes. When any of you or anyone else that let their hate of this family consume any part of their lives has a reality show, clothing line, boutique, talk show and various other money making products, then say something! But until then, just realize you’re pathetic to be spending so much time writing about something you loathe. As for the show, it isn’t the best but its day 3. Go back and watch other talk show pilots, I’m sure they were not amazing. Get over it!

    • Sunny says:

      Shut up Kris

    • IDB says:

      You must be really proud to be such a devoted army of one. Aside from her family members, YOU are likely the one person in America who actually watches the “Kris” show. My guess is that for your personal entertainment pleasure, when you’re not watching the future daytime Emmy Award winning “Kris” show, you’re probably passing gas in the bath tub and biting the bubbles.

    • opi says:

      Kris Jenner is just so awful…on every level..

    • mikcroyo says:

      How do u know that some of us aren’t? I could be Oprah for all you know, venting with Ellen, Kelly Rippa, or even Dr. Phil on here, about this filth we call a family. See, people are upset because the only reason this hooker, and the rest of them, are on t.v. is because her fetus, Kim, decided it was a good idea too kool seductively into a camera lens with sperm on her face and then get rewarded for it. Now other girls are following this girln her footsteps: farah Abraham, and others. So shut your face you don’t get it and you never will…

  20. Vernon Alarcon says:

    the puppy making a stool woulda been more enlightening than anything else on the show. I watched for 10 minutes and couldn’t take it anymore. She should have the angry bros Lamar & Kanye on so we can watch her pissthem off. Their heads exploding would be much better than vapid conversation between Kris & K-lo-whee about all things kurdtrashian. Stupid TV like this will bring networks down quickly.

  21. Luigi says:

    Kris’s show is horrible, but your writing about it is so funny! I watched part of it before changing the channel, and it was the one with sparky! The dog did have a look of fear in his eyes. The look of abject terror at the thought of being sucked in to appear on Kris’s show!!

  22. Supermom says:

    Money can’t buy class … The way she carries herself is embarrassing to moms all over the world .She is garbage, her kids are garbage …. Poor Bruce!

  23. Jenny says:

    They have no class all of them, Bruce needs to get the two younger girls away from her before they get the same reputation as thier mother.

  24. hhm says:

    WHY is this show even on. Did Kris bed someone at the network. She is so damn stupid.The media shoves them down our throats.

  25. paulina says:

    i LIKE THE SHOW, ITS FAST MOVING AND ITS JUST NOT SITTING AROUND TALKING TO MOVIE STARS ABOUT THEIR LATEST BOOKS OR MOVIES.THEY ARE MAKING A LOT OF MONEY WITHOUT A SPECIFIC TALENT SO I THINK THATS A PLUS FOR THEM, I WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT. also i think she looks great

  26. D. L. says:

    Kris is an old grandma who has nothing to say and she thinks we care about her wearing no underware” what no depends!!!!!

  27. kat says:

    Kris will be an epic fail.

  28. Nina says:

    Get all of them on an iceberg floating out to sea, with that stoopid woman leading the stoopid pack… Good God in Heaven… I lost so many intelligent quotients just knowing they were on my tv and somehow they feel viable. Cannot quit shaking my head in dismay and disgust. Where is the tv council for stupidity ?????

  29. dramafree says:

    Please save precious airtime by cancelling this show.

  30. shelly says:

    I can’t stand Chris Jenner. And now her and Bruce are separated. Good news for him. Now he won’t have a problem finding anyone. He is the only good one out of the bunch. Momanger let everything go to her head. This is why I refuse to watch her cheap show and I won’t watch Her daughters show. Chris makes me sick to look at. It’s always her way . And, the drama with her girls. Can’t have a baby, not sure if i love him after i just married him, i want a baby, Scott constantly screws his spouse over and she is blind as a bat not to see it.I want a baby but, my husband has his own demon’s right now. WHOA is me….boo hoo

  31. Nina says:

    Hahahaha!!! Train wrecks! With the garbage in the caboose falling out.
    They need their legs and mouths sewn shut,permanently . The mother of all idiots never likes it to be known she cheated on husband Kardashian, with Bruce Jenner, bc her husband at the time didn’t want her. No one talks about implanted backside Kim’s first husband. This is funny. I just lost my intelligience quotient score by too many points. I stooped to their level. How decadadent.
    At least Ryan Seacrest is feasting off these barnacles. He is worthless and has not one time ever showed any decency, nor respect for the people he has pulled in to his web. Suffice it to say…….
    Train wrecks need to be derailed, stopped, rusting in an graveyard where all the other cabbies and box cars go in humiliation bc no one will ride them, use them or pay for them ever again. Whoa is them. All the way to the bank of hell.

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  33. Belle Olson says:

    This woman is an absolute media whore – no talent just a very crude nouveau riche and all her kids are exactly the same anything for money!

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