Golden Globes 2013: We're Live-Blogging 'Em!
Do not adjust your dial. That recurring fantasy you’ve had about Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosting a major network awards show — the one that you have every time the duo gets behind a podium together — has finally come true. Welcome to the Golden Globes 2013, a place where there’ll (hopefully) be lizzing without judgment and not a single blerg in sight.
Will Fey & Poehler live up to the hype (and the extra jaunty promos)? Well, I’ll certainly be rooting for the funny ladies as I live-blog the telecast from the opening moments till the final statuette/slurred acceptance speech. So let the festivities begin, but before they do, a couple of questions for us all to answer:
Who are you wearing? (Me: Old Navy.) What are you sipping? (Diet Coke, though a bottle of Momo sauv blanc is on deck.) And what’s your snack of choice? (Baked brie with a melange of nuts and seeds and brown sugar.)
Okay, ready, set, let’s live blog!
Thanks for hanging with me tonight, TVLine readers! Please come back to TVLine tonight and tomorrow for a full rundown of interviews with Golden Globes’ big TV winners, galleries of Best and Worst moments, answers to your burning questions and more! And for up-to-the-minute alerts when all this good stuff posts, follow us on Twitter @TVLineNews.
“We’re going home with Jodie Foster!” says Amy Poehler, wrapping up the show.
Jack Bristow!
Best Motion Picture Drama goes to…Argo!
We’re in the homestretch now…
Daniel Day-Lewis paying for those dramatic pauses now as the orchestra plays him off…
Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama goes to Daniel Day-Lewis for The Expendables 2 (or, rather, Lincoln).
Nice shout-out from Chastain to her director Kathryn Bigelow.
Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama goes to Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty.
“This next presenter is so good looking, he makes young George Clooney look like garbage.”–Tina Fey
“Please welcome middle-aged George Clooney!” –Amy Poehler
(These two are amazing.)
Also, was Fellner’s “Gee, we gotta wrap up already?” a subtle dig at the Lady Hathaway?
Will Anne Hathaway annoyingly hijacking the mic from producer Eric Fellner hurt her Oscar chances? Discuss!
Comedy or Musical…feh!
(Doesn’t it seem like Golden Globes should be split by Comedy or Drama? And then the musicals could fall into one side or the other depending on whether or not they’re funny?)
Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical goes to…Les Miserables!
And the Golden Globe for Best Ad Chyron goes to L’oreal: “Beyoncé is c6 soft sable.”
Hugh forgives the person who stole his bike tires when he auditioned for Les Mis; says he’ll leave the frame in the same spot come Monday morning.
(I always get nervous that I’m gonna misspell Les Miserables. It’s not just me with French word-phobia, right?)
Best Actor in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical goes to Hugh Jackman in Les Miserables!
“It took a village to raise this very demented child.” –Lena Dunham, who also thanks Chad Lowe (apparently because Hilary Swank never did)
Best TV Series, Musical or Comedy goes to Girls. (Which I wish wasn’t premiereing till next week, y’know? Thanks, HBO. Waah waah waah.)
Totally shallow moment: Ben Affleck really does rock a beard. Also: SYDNEY BRISTOW IN DA HOUSE!
This might help make up for the Oscar snub.
Best Director, Motion Picture goes to…Ben Affleck, Argo!
That was quite possibly the best public coming-out speech I’ve heard, and yet at the same time it feels dismissive to label it merely as a coming-out speech. That was Jodie Foster telling us who she is and who she wants to be. A great TV moment.
Wowza. She is not Honey Boo Boo Child.
I can’t even pick a quote from this Jodie Foster speech.
Golden Globes confession: I saw Flight Plan, but I don’t remember a damn thing about it. #SauvBlanc
“I’m OK to go” happens to be one of my favorite movie lines from one of my favorite movies ever. #Contact
Another unedited quote from the hubby, following Downey’s list of Foster’s credits: “And now she’s sitting next to Mel Gibson.”
Loopy Robert Downey Jr. presenting Jodie Foster with her Cecil B. DeMille award.
“Congratulations, Lena. I’m glad we all got you through middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL?” –Tina Fey
“Everybody’s gettin’ a little loose now that we’re all losers.” –Amy Poehler, clutchig a cocktail
Jodie Foster about to get the Cecil B. DeMille Award. Which makes me raise the question: How many times a week do you reckon you quote/reference The Silence of the Lambs?
Lena was believably/charmingly nervous, which is a mood that can often go awry in a televised acceptance speech.
“This award is for every woman who ever felt like there wasn’t a space for her. This show’s made a space for me.”
And the winner is Lena Dunham for Girls!
Who had the funnier cameo: J.Lo or George Clooney? (And no, I am not being facetious.)
I kinda love every nominee in this category.
It’s time for Best Actress in a TV Comedy or Musical…
I’m just gonna say, I would not do well shipwrecked with a BENGAL FREAKING TIGER.
And the Golden Globe goes to Brave.
We didn’t need an Anne Hathaway upskirt “joke” in the intro to Best Animated Feature Film, did we?
Sacha Baron Cohen trying a little too hard up in here.
Holey crikey the ads for MAMA freak me the eff out.
Needs more Poehler-Fey, please. Thank you.
Claire says she’s “very proud to be working in this medium, in this moment, in this company.” Amen, sister!
She so so so deserves it, and yet I wish Julianna Margulies could win in an alternate universe.
Best Actress in a TV Drama goes to Claire Danes in Homeland.
Lea Michele working those gams!
The winner is Amour.
Time for Best Foreign Language Film…
Oh dear.
Will Sly and Arnie do a comedy bit?
Okay, we’re 90 minutes in, and I have to say the pacing of the 2013 Golden Globes remains excellent.
Best Actor in a TV Comedy or Musical goes to…Don Cheadle in House of Lies. Well, Salma Hayek is certainly excited.
Lucy Liu. (My girl Drew. Cameron D and Destiny.)
If you can be charmingly douchey, Tarantino just succeeded…
Quentin thanks his groups of friends to whom he reads scenes from his movies: “I don’t want input. I don’t want you to tell me if I’m doing anything wrong. Heaven forbid!”
Best Motion Picture Screenplay goes to Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained.
Anne drops the word “blerg” to begin her speech (30 Rock fan!), then thanks the HFPA for providing her with a lovely blunt object that she’ll use as a weapon against self-doubt.
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture goes to Anne Hathaway fror Les Miserables.
That Megan Fox-Jonah Hill bit just didn’t work, as Amy Adam’s befuddled facial expression so clearly expressed.
(It’s not wrong I wanted Max Greenfield to win, right?)
The Golden Globes goes to Ed Harris for Game Change.
Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Miniseries or Movie (AGAIN why isn’t this three or four different awards????)
“Harvey, thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today.” (NOW they’re laughing.)
“Today I beat Meryl!” (Note audience a little afraid to laugh.)
The Golden Globe goes to Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our 2014 Golden Globes hosts (should Poehler and Fey want the year off).
Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell are a giidy delight ad-libbing ridiculata about the nominees to introduce this category. Re. Judi Dench: “She used to be a police officer…”
Time for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy….
“That was Bill Rodham Clinton!” –Tina Fey
“That was Hillary Clinton’s husband!” –Amy Poehler
Clinton there to introduce “Lincoln,” but also clearly wanting to remind viewers about “necessary compromise” that makes our country great.
President Bill Clinton!
Nice speech from Kevin Costner. I wasn’t sure where he was going, but I liked where he got to.
Kevin Costner wins for Hatfields & McCoys, but damn Jamie Francisco was robbed.
“As a professional volleyball player battling restless leg syndrome…Jamie Francisco in ‘Dog President.’”
Best Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries….
By the bye, Adele won the night when she high-fived Daniel Craig.
Adele, confirming her awesomeness, says she was just taking the opportunity for a night out with her friend Ida, and now she’s a Golden Globe winner. “We’ve been pissing ourselves laughing all night.” Us too!
And the Golden Globe goes to “Skyfall”!
If this doesn’t go to Adele, I’m gonna pop off.
“These are all amazing artists,” says J.Lo, introducig the nominees for Best Original Song, Motion Picture. Too bad she killed the term “amazing artist” during Jacob Lusk’s reign of terror on Season 10 of Idol.
Dang! He wasn’t exaggerating about his beautiful wife, was he?
And the award for Best Original Score in a Motion Picture goes to Mychael Danna for Life of Pi.
(OK, I’ll stop.)
“Kohl’s spokesperson Jenny from the Block…”
“Gigli star Jennifer Lopez…”
Former American Idol judge Jennifer Lopez…
Real life CIA agent Tony Mendez joins John Goodman to introduce Argo. Very cool. It’s a pity they didn’t give him a little boost in the audio department, though.
Alex Gansa dropping some character-death intel for those of you who aren’t up to date on Season 2, and not even a “spoiler alert” to kick off his speech.
Claire’s amazing red dress really stands out in that sea of black tuxes and dresses, no?
The Golden Globe goes to…Homeland!
That’d be Best TV Drama, BTW.
Whoops, teleprompter malfunction for Paul Rudd and Salma… “Something about the best…uhhh.”
Damian surmises his mom is up in heaven telling everyone “how well my son is doing in acting.” Sweet.
The Homeland theme needs Claire Danes’ paranoid dialogue in the background.
And the Golden Globe goes to Damian Lewis for Homeland! (WHAT WHAT?!)
Time for Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama…
I think we need Salma Hayek on TV every week. Who’s with me?
“HFPA president and world-class archer…” didn’t even crack a smile at that intro? Come ON!
The pace of this show is fantastic. Now let’s hope it can continue for the next 2 1/2 hrs.
Thanks to my pal Kim Roots for catching the exact intro to Poehler’s bit: “As a psychic who solves her own murder, Darcy St. Budge, ‘Dog President.’”
They needed to cut to Mandy Patinkin after Catherine Zeta-Jones sang her intro to Les Mis.
And the real Julianne Moore takes the stage to accept the trophy.
Julianne Moore wins!
OMG, Amy Poehler sitting in for Julianne Moore as they announce the nominees for Best Actress in a TV Movie…her teeth almost made me miss Taylor Swift and Arnie in the background…
Game Change’s Jay Roach thanks his “muse, friend, lover and Jewish rock angel Susanna Hoffs.” (I must take this moment to implore everyone to check out her awesome solo work. That is all.)
Somebody just got bleeped. (Or there was some weird audio glitch.) (Probs not.)
Way to cut to Political Animals’ Carla Gugino.
And the Golden Globe goes to Game Change.
Time for Best TV Movie…
Unedited comment from my hubby: “You can’t say ‘philanthropist’ and then have a 12-year-old walk out on stage.”
I was secretly rooting for Hayden Panettiere for Nashville. (And not just because “Wrong Song” is my current jam.)
Maggie Smith wins for Downton Abbey.
Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series/Miniseries/Movie (aka, time to split this into three or four categories HFPA)…
I’m not gonna lie to you: Every time they show Quentin Tarantino tonight I’m going to think of Tina Fey saying he’s the star of all her sexual nightmares.
And the winner is Christoph Waltz in Django Unchained.
And now it’s time for Best Suppoting Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama…
(Yes that was Laurie Keller style.)
WHAT WHAT?
Can I get a “What What?” if these two are cracking you guys up?
Tina’s zinger about James Franco’s Oscar hosting performance: Funniest joke of the night, at least until our hosts discuss Meryl Streep staying home because of the flu: “And I hear she’s amazing in it.”
How come this is the first time I’ve heard an HFPA-HPV joke?
“When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.” Yowza!! I thought Amy Poehler said she wasn’t going to be edgy!
Tina and Amy in green and red. Clearly the subtle message is Christmas in January!
“Everybody’s in a good mood!” says Savannah Guthrie, clearly not speaking about the producer sternly counting down to the start of the telecast.
Just a housekeeping note, new blog comments will appear at the top of the page. (Although that’s gonna be kinda obvs after like three minutes. But anyway…
After 30 seconds of NBC red carpet, I have to say I think I’m glad I watched that motley crew on E!
Hey, is this thing on?
but, he’s got some more series coming out for Sherlock, so maybe he’ll win for it next time. Hope so! 
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