Gossiping Upper East Siders, switched-at-birth gals, crimesolvers in spades…This Labor Day weekend has plenty of marathons, specials and premieres to keep you glued to your TV. From two generations of sexy New Yorkers on Style Network to a slayer we can’t quit, TVLine presents the best offerings.
SATURDAY, SEPT. 1
Midnight — 9 pm Sunday The Hills (MTV) | Yes, Lauren’s mascara is still running.
6 am — 3 am Sunday Factory Made (Science) | Shockingly, this show does not take place in China.
6 am — 6 am Sunday CSI (Cloo) | If your investigative skills can deduce what channel Cloo is on your cable system, you’ll find this heaping helping of Season 5 episodes.
7 am — 6 pm Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane (Style Network) | Of course, it depends on what is your definition of “fab.”
8 am — 6 pm America’s Next Top Model (Oxygen) | After this marathon, your eyes will be set permanently on smize.
8 am — 8 pm Swamp People (History) | Shhh! They’re hunting
10 am — 9 pm The Game (BET) | Your last chance to see the old cast, unless BET does another marathon. Which they probably will.
1 — 7 pm The Soul Man (TV Land) | Before the season finale arrives on Wednesday, catch up on the sitcom starring Cedric the Entertainer as an R&B superstar-turned-minister.
8 pm One Giant Leap: A Neil Armstrong Tribute (Discovery) | Celebrate the recently deceased legend with a special that includes footage from Armstrong’s last public appearance and interviews with crewmates Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins.
6 am — 3 am Monday Oddities (Science) | The world of rarities and antiques is nothing compared to some of the random show swag we get at TVLine. Picnic blankets, “Organ Transplant” lunch coolers, McKinley High graduation caps, Shawn-and-Gus beverage coasters….
6 am — 3 am Monday Sex and the City (Style Network) | Consider this your Carrie Diaries homework.
7 am — 2 pm How I Met Your Mother (FX) | Our must-see picks: “Ten Sessions” (the two-minute date!) and “Sandcastles in the Sand” (The Beek woos Robin Sparkles!), playing at 9 am.
9 am — 11 pm The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo) | With Jersey Shore winding down, it’s one of the Garden State’s last remaining (TV) blights.
10 am — 11 pm Bridezillas (WE tv) | Scary brides-to-be rampage into a new episode at 10 pm.
10 am — 7 pm Cops (G4) | Seen any bad boys?
10 am — 11 pm Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (USA Network) | Stabler and Benson never seem to get a holiday weekend off.
11 am — 3:29 am Monday Bar Rescue (Spike TV) | Like Kitchen Nightmares or Restaurant Impossible, but with more alcohol.
11 am — 6 pm Longmire (A&E) | Catch Episodes 4 through 10 of the hit (and renewed) drama, starring Robert Taylor, Lou Diamond Phillips and Katee Sackhoff.
1 pm — 3 am Monday Hoarding: Buried Alive (TLC) | If you can find your TV, there’s also a new episode on at 9 pm.
MONDAY, SEPT. 3
Midnight — 6 am Tuesday Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Chiller) | Start with one of the best seasons as Buffy battles the Mayor, and then cap it off with “Beer Bad.” (Hey, it can’t all be good.)
Midnight — midnight Superheroes Marathon (Encore) | It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… Hulk? This super-powered marathon features the big green guy (as played by Eric Bana), as well as Flash Gordon, The Green Hornet, Christopher Reeves’ Superman and many others.
6 am — 8 pm How It’s Made (Science) | Farmed caviar, marionettes, robotic hunting decoys, lassoes — find out how they all get put together.
6 am — 1 pm Long Island Medium (TLC) | Quick, someone tell Malik from Suburgatory!
6 am — 8 pm NCIS (USA Network) | Crime doesn’t stop laboring, so neither do Gibbs and his team.
6 am — 8 pm SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon) | At last, something to
babysit entertain the tots.
7 am — 9 pm Martin (TV One) | Feeling nostalgic for some old-school Fox comedy?
7 am — 9 pm Switched at Birth (ABC Family) | Watch Emmett go from adorable puppy to very bad boy in an all-day marathon that feeds right into the Season 1c premiere at 8 pm.
7:30 am — 10 pm The Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo) | Including — from the We Couldn’t Make This Stuff Up If We Tried category — a fresh episode at 9 pm titled “Slutty Island.” Donaghy!
8 am — 6 pm M*A*S*H (TV Land) | If you ever thought, “You know what ER needs? More jokes.”
8 am — 3 pm The Parkers (BET) | Go back to a time when there was UPN and this Moesha spin-off.
8 am — 11 pm Pawn Stars (History) | These guys sell it after…
8 am — 9 pm Storage Wars (A&E) | …these guys fight over it.
8 am — 5 am Tuesday Top Gear (BBC America) | There are three marathons we can count on during a holiday weekend: NCIS (check!), Law & Order (check!) and Top Gear (check!).
8:30 am — 3 am Tuesday Vampire Movie Marathon (Syfy) | Bite into this: Syfy is celebrating bloodsuckers with films such as Stake Land, Blade II and Daybreakers.
9 am — 10 pm Border Wars (National Geographic Channel) | Do you live in a border state? Find out what’s going on in your (perhaps literal) backyard.
9 am — 6 am Tuesday Call of the Wildman (Animal Planet) | The series features a nuisance animal removal business. Not to be confused with human nuisances.
9 am — 3 am Tuesday Gossip Girl (Style Network) | Before the CW soap signs off for good this season, relieve the glory days — and headbands, so many headbands! — of Season 1.
10 am — 11 pm Bad Girls Club (Oxygen) | With the show set in Mexico and Vegas, no wonder they’re bad!
10 am — 6 pm Chopped (Food Network) | The most thrilling non-scripted TV entertainment, if you ask us.
10 am — 11 pm House Hunters (HGTV) | This marathon of the original and international editions will have you itching to pack up.
10 am — 11:10 pm Torchwood: Miracle Day (Starz in Black) | Spoiler alert: The miracle turns out to be a bit of a nightmare.
11 am — 8 pm Rizzoli & Isles (TNT) | Or as TVLine’s Matt Mitovich insists on calling it, Risotto & Isles.
Noon — 10 pm Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel Channel) | Before the foodie traveler kicks off his final season at 9 pm, revisit some fan favorite episodes.
Noon — 3 pm The Aquabats! Super Show! (The Hub) | It’s six episodes of the greatest crime-fighting rock band! (Seriously, that’s the premise.)
Noon to midnight Two and a Half Men (FX) | Watch as FX slowly turns into the Charlie Sheen Network.
1 — 7 pm Back to School Marathon (Starz Comedy) | From Bad Teacher to Dazed and Confused to How to Deal (admit it, you secretly saw this Mandy Moore flick), it’s all the reasons why you love and hate school.
1 — 10:30 pm Ridiculousness (MTV) | Or if you prefer your crazy videos in condensed amounts, there’s The Ridiculousness Top 10 Super Show at 9:30 pm.
6 — 9 pm The Exes (TV Land) | Prep for Wednesday’s season finale with a mini-marathon.
7 — 11 pm Get to Work (Sundance) | That’s just mean. You’re going to make us watch a series about a back-to-work boot camp on our day off?
Which of the above is must-see for you? Also, hit the comments to offer your own tune-in suggestions.