UPDATED True Blood Season 5 Finale Recap: Tales From the Dark Side

True Blood Season 5 Episode 12Those of you who haven’t seen Sunday’s True Blood season finale yet will probably want to heed this big-ass SPOILER ALERT! and revisit this story after you have. And we repeat: If you have not seen the TB finale, hit the nearest exit. The rest of you, here goes…

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A LIL GOES A LONG WAY | Apparently, those of us who were sure Evil Bill was eventually going to revert to being Good Bill (and maybe even reveal that his turn as Evil Bill had all been part of some master plan to save humankind) were wrong. (Go ahead and say it: Dead wrong.) By the time he’d deceived, shagged, silver-poisoned and staked Salome, not even Sookie could talk him down from the religious high he was on. Frothing at the mouth, he quoted the fangers bible and called his ex “an abomination,” then drank every last drop of Lilith. This killed him instantly, reducing him to a puddle of blood, but he just as instantly rose from that puddle as the new Lilith, beet red and naked as a jaybird. Ruh-roh!

LIGHTS OUT | The episode opened with a pick-up of Russell and Steve’s attack on the fairies. Though Russell was hardly fazed when Sookie and the club kids flashed their glow-stick fingers at him en masse, a stake to the heart courtesy of Eric stopped him in his tracks and sent Steve running. (Dare we hope that the glow Russell emitted before going splat was a hint that he’d absorbed so much fairy light that he’ll henceforth exist in their dimension or… something?)

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DUMB & DUMBER | Remember last episode when Jason went flying into that tree? This week, it became apparent that the blow to his head had brain-damaged him. (Or brain-damaged him further. Jason was never all that big on the thinking to begin with.) Egged on by visions of the late Ma and Pa Stackhouse, he awoke determined to kill as many vamps as possible – which made his and Sookie’s team-up with Eric, Tara and Nora to rescue Jessica, Pam and Bill awkward from the onset. And it only got worse from there…

A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE & HATE | When Jessica saw that Jason was among the cavalry, she proclaimed her love for him. To which he responded that he could never love a fanger. (Oh, Jason… !) On the other hand, when Tara opened Pam’s cell, they shared a kiss that could’ve set off the Authority’s fire alarms.

TAKING HOLD OF OUR CENSUS | After Rikki nearly OD’d on the V that she was force-fed by JD, Alcide took on the packmaster again – this time doped up himself – and killed him. (Obviously, making JD wear the Cone of Shame for awhile wouldn’t have been punishment enough.) Meanwhile, Luna shifted into Steve to sneak Emma out of Authority HQ but instead was thrown into a TV interview by Barb from Cougar Town. When Luna changed back into herself mid-Q&A, Sam – in fly form – flew into Barb’s mouth, then shifted back into human form, utterly destroying her. (For sure, the season’s wildest demise.) But, just because Sam had saved Luna from Barb didn’t mean that Luna was saved: She then collapsed from the strain of turning into Steve. Finally, Andy had no sooner confessed to Holly that he’d cheated on her with Maurella than his girlfriend was forced to help deliver his mistress’ one, two, three, four babies… which she left with their daddy to raise.

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So, what did you think of the season finale — and the season as a whole? Of Evil Bill? Are you looking forward to a maker/progeny romance for Pam and Tara? Into the idea of Jason the Vampire Hunter? Thinking Sookie will gravitate back toward Eric? The comments section below awaits your… you know, comments.