True Blood Recap: There Will Be (Lots of) Blood

True Blood Season 5Okay, show of hands: Who didn’t assume that it was only a matter of time before True Blood’s Russell got tired of playing nice with the Authority? You there, with your hand up — be embarrassed! As for the rest of you, you’ll be gratified to read (if you haven’t already watched Sunday’s installment) that this was the episode in which the former Vampire King of Mississippi declared himself over it. (He even bitch-slapped Salome to make sure she understood just how over it he really was.) But that was nothing compared to what he told the Council he was going to do next…

MAKE-BELIEVERS | Before Russell declared his independence from the Authority (and from all authority, for that matter), he, Bill and Salome executed poor Mac from Veronica Mars. Eric, however, was given one last chance to convert — and force-fed a droplet of Lilith blood to speed the ol’ presto-chango. At first, he and Nora saw not the nudie goddess but Godric, who, in essence, tsk-tsk’d his daughter. But then Lil showed up and slashed Mr. Peace, Love and Happiness’ throat. After that, Eric was a believer — or at least willing to give the appearance that he was one. He even claimed that he forgave Russell for slaughtering his whole family. Of course, the immortal enemies’ détente was short-lived. Both Eric and Bill went wild-eyed when the madman revealed his plan to score enough fairy blood to daywalk to his cold, undead heart’s content. (You could almost hear Bill’s brain gasp: “Sookie!”)

FAIRY HOME COMPANION | Speaking of Sookie, she was forced to stake Mike the Creepy Coroner with a pair of chopsticks when he used his newly sprouted fangs to bite her. Later, she and Jason discovered a scroll full of squiggles hidden under a floorboard at Gran’s house. Unfortunately for Miss Jazz Hands, the fairy version of Google Translate revealed that the 300-odd-year-old document was a contract that gave her to the mysterious Warlo who had killed Ma and Pa Stackhouse.

SNOW WAY OUT | Although Hoyt survived being turned into Piggy Chow, he decided that, rather than crawl back to the half-life he’d lead in his mama’s house, he was going to move to Alaska. “No!” cried Jason and Jessica (selfish much?). But Bubba’s mind was made up. So, in what was probably the most heartbreaking scene of the season to date, Jessica granted Hoyt’s request to glamour him into forgetting that both she and Jason even existed.

SPLAT GOES THE WEASEL | After new sheriff Elijah informed Pam and Tara that the Authority had ordered a baby (vamp) boom, our favorite zinger slinger told her progeny that, rather than obey, they’d go on the lam. Tara, natch, had other ideas and staked the Lestat wannabe.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE | Chasing down Emma, Sam and Luna shifted into mice (the cute, white, lab kind, not the giant, terrifying, subway kind) and snuck into Authority HQ just in time to see her new “owner,” Steve, scold the werepup for turning back into a human. Lafayette cooked dinner for Andy and Holly, possibly to remind us that they’re still a couple, and Morella made a cameo at the fairy Studio 54, definitely to remind us that unfaithful Andy has already doomed his relationship with Holly. And best of all, no smoke monster!

So, what did you think of the episode? Will you miss Hoyt? Do you think Bill has really gone over to the dark side? (We didn’t… until he allowed Mac from Veronica Mars to be staked!) Could Mrs. Fortenberry’s hair have been any bigger? (We’re talkin’ Ethel Merman on The Love Boat big!) Where was Alcide? Your comments below.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. ashley says:

    seriously, Jess glamouring Hoyt was one of the most heartbreaking things to ever happen on television

  2. Darth Pablo says:

    The scene of Jessica/Jason/Hoyt was the best scene of the year. When Jessica was glamouring Hoyt, you could see the tears in DAW eyes. Made me cry too. Jessica has really proven herself as the most developed character in this show.

  3. Rrrrrr says:

    That Hoyt scene was he most depressing, heart-wrenching thig I’ve seen in a long time.

  4. Glo Goodwin says:

    When she said that he would meet a woman and that woman would be Hoyt’s first love, not her, I was crushed. Amazing scene.

  5. Jp says:

    Did anyone else pick up on Jess lying in a grave with Jason in the preview for final 2 episodes??? I’m excited for this blood bath AA said his coming for the finale!!

    • Valarie says:

      I am hoping that they are not killing Jason or turning him and that is why they have had so many sookie and jason scenes this year :(

    • Spikesgrl says:

      I did catch that and am curious as to what that may mean for Jason. I really hope they don’t turn him. But, if it is a choice between the character dying or being turned, then come on vampire Stackhouse!!

  6. Rae says:

    i didn’t even realize Alcide wasn’t in the show until I read this and I agree with everyone else, the scenes with Hoyt were heartbreaking. Jason crying had me tearing up with him. I want Eric to kill somebody in these last episodes.

    • Els says:

      I didn’t even realise until I read your post pointing it out… And I must say however much I love to look at him (preferable without a shirt) I must say didn’t even miss him. This episode was good!

  7. AndyLuvr says:

    Ryan Kwanten, Deborah Ann Woll and Jim Parrack’s scenes were the best ones in tonight’s episode. Jason crying as Hoyt drove off was so heartbreaking.

  8. courtney myers says:

    Bill is pissing me off. Eric i believe is just pretending to bide his time. I am also pissed that they killed off mac she was awesome as a vampire. Alot is going to happen in these last two episode to clean up this mess. Well at least I hope that they clean up this mess and get Eric and Sookie back together.

  9. rodo says:

    I really like Joe Manganiello but i didnt miss Alcide at all in this episode. Also, i hope they dont kill Steve Newlyn off, and i loved the fact that Sookie´s house got all dirty again.

  10. Mara says:

    Just when I was recovering from the scene in Merlotte’s, Jason finds Hoyt on the road… OMG! Hoyt leaving Bon Temps behind and Jason crying in the car… I just fell apart. :(

    • See, I almost wish they would have left it with just the Merlotte’s scene. I understand that Jason couldn’t just let Bubba go (and seeing Jason cry in Sookie’s arms was really nice), but the Merlotte scene was so powerful it felt strange to revisit it.

  11. Truefan says:

    The scene with Hoyt, Jessica , and Jason was beautiful and heartbreaking. The writers should do more like this to make us care about the characters . swearing,sex and killing isn’t enough. Love the Pam, Tara combination. At last Tara has the kind of role she deserves. Someone should do something for Luna. She’s become the new miss obnoxious. Enjoying Russell and Steve Newlin but miss Talbort. Don’t miss Alcide at all. Eric deserves someone better than Sookie. Give her back to Bill.

    • Nellibly says:

      I couldn’t agree more. The scene had heart which has been missing from most of the rest of the season. Everything else is just covered in blood spatter. (Yes, vampires, I get it, but who cares who lives or dies if we can’t laugh and cry with the characters.)

    • Nahuel says:

      I LOVED ur comment. It shows that u actually see deeper inside the show and the characters and don’t want just fangs, boobs or hunks. People here complain superficially all the time about everything on the show.

  12. Like a lot of people, we really enjoyed the Hoyt scene. Glad to see a character that hasn’t had the best of years get a nice send off (hope he doesn’t end up dead in a ditch next episode considering all the vamp-on-human action going on).

    Still intrigued by the Authority plotline. In our review, we think that there’s a good likelihood the final episodes will deal with Eric (and Bill) using Russell’s defection as a distraction to take both him and Salome (and likely Nora) out.

    Also, as much as we love Joe Magianello, thank goodness there was no wolfpack stuff tonight!

  13. S says:

    I’m going to miss Hoyt if he’s gone for good :( I love Pam&Tara and making her vampire was one of the best decisions the writers have made for the character. I love that Lafayette is back to his old self and I’m hoping Tara will forgive him so we can see some great scenes between the two again. As much as I love Joe I didn’t realize he was missing until the episode was almost over but I thought he’d be on every ep this yr? I think Eric is faking obviously but I’m still not sure on Bill? sometimes I think he’s lost it and other times it seems like an act but I don’t know. Also Jason doesn’t need to become a vampire either so no just no… Tara is enough for now.

  14. Martin says:

    I honestly didn’t even notice Alcide wasn’t in the episode until i read this recap. If Joe Manganiello wasn’t so fine I wouldn’t miss Alcide at all, ever. His stuff is just boring.
    I know everyone was annoyed all season about the smoke monster thing and i agree it wasn’t the greatest storyline but it at least gave Terry something to do, lets hope next season that they do the same for Arlene, for a change.

    I’m actually liking Luna this latter part of this season, at least they are giving her something to do, that is actually half interesting for a change. Unlike Holly who, and i know i said this last season too, if she actually survives the final episode and is around next season i’ll be shocked.

    Hopefully Lafayette can use his powers, a la Marnie, and take control of Russell and kill Salome.

    Love Tara and Pam and glad Ginger still lives.

    Also, a problem i had with previous seasons has seemed to be addressed this season which is the fact that though Sookie And Jason are brother and sister you would never notice that by watching the show, as in previous seasons they never really shared much screen time together. But now they do and i like it.

    Come on Eric, save everyone.

    • Mikael says:

      I’m very pleased with the Sookie/Jason sibling scenes we’ve gotten this year! They need to show more of them together!

  15. Liz says:

    Jess, Jason & Hoyt scenes… Heartbreaking. I’m glad Hoyt made his choice, and will take his life into his own hands, but still, sad to see him gone.
    I loved the Sookie & Jason scenes. Those two are so great together, you feel how much they care about each other.
    As for Bill: snap out of it! Do something! Save Sookie from Russel!

  16. dave says:

    this season sucks (pun not intended). it seems like the writers were high because the storylines don’t make sense and aren’t interesting, another episode wasted i cant wait for this season to come to an end.

    • Tatjana says:

      I also don’t like this season, really boring and pointless but as long as there is Eric I am in no matter what

  17. MockingbirdGirl says:

    Andy, honey, those big scary subway “mice” you’re seeing are called rats.


  18. Craig says:

    Did anyone else come to the realization by the end of the episode that Salome is fairy turned into a vampire? Hopefully, it pans out over the next 2 episodes…

    • Waitingsux says:

      I thought that all season mainly because I thought that she was telepathic.

      • Pearl says:

        I think the same thing, but because of last episode. I mean, the expression in Bills face when he drank her blood, was lot like when he drank Sookie, right? And if its Salome blood that makes everyone high, she being a farie would make perfect sense!! My question now is… Can she walk in the sun?

        • Waitingsux says:

          She was the first to scoff at Russell’s suggestion and protested quite adamantly against it. Perhaps her secret is not so safe?

    • Spikesgrl says:

      Can a fae be turned into a vampire? Interesting…..

    • Deion says:

      I assumed that is what Bill realized when he bit her, and that the vampires have been getting high on her blood. His plan involves that.

  19. Waitingsux says:

    I thought it was one of the weakest episodes of the series. I’m so incredibly over the religious Lillith storyline it isn’t even funny. Tara was the best thing about last night’s episode and that in and of itself is sad and says alot about the season. As a point of clarification, Tara didn’t stake the Lestatabe, she chopped his f’ing head off using Eric’s sword.

    I’m over Season 5 and I don’t even care about the last 2 episodes and that is really uncharacteristic for me.

  20. Montie says:

    I was fine during the Hoyt/Jessica/Jason scene until Jason whispered “I love you, Bubba.”

    Andy didn’t cheat on Holly. He had sex with the fairy in a field toward the end of last season. He started dating Holly after that.

    I was wondering why they hired such a bad actor to play the new Sheriff. I guess it didn’t matter if they were killing him off after two eps. ;)

    • Carol says:

      Montie – I think Andy DID cheat on Holly. A few weeks ago that politician brought Andy and Jason to the fairy bar and he saw Morella (sic?) again and they went off together. I think its assumed that something happened because she wasnt pregnant then. Perhaps fae babies grow super fast in their hidden world.

      • Montie says:

        Usually no more than a month passes during a season of TB. This season picked up right where last season left off, in the kitchen with Tara. She wasn’t showing last time but she could have been pregnant. But, you’re right, I didn’t pay a lot of attention to Andy while they were in the fairy club.

      • Shaun says:

        He slept with her in the forest quite awhile ago

  21. DG says:

    I’m still wondering what episode I missed where Eric stopped being a viking vampire god that could have destroyed everyone (especially Bill) except Russell in the authority. And he stopped being able to fly. And generally stopped being the most interesting vampire on the show. They have messed up his character arc so much, all in an effort to appeal to the Sookie-Bill center of the show. Bad writing. And now Bill apparently becomes the ‘chosen one’ and saves everyone. It’s just so sub-par on the writers’ behalf. The whole point of Russell is that he’s a foil for Eric, and while Eric can’t beat him, he’s the only vampire that stands a chance, based on age and power. But nevermind, just throw all that out the window in the service of uncreative and predictable writing.

  22. Karen says:

    awww… gonna miss Hoyt. It was so heart-wrenching to watch, first, Jessica glamouring Hoyt, and later, Jason breaking down after saying goodbye to his oblivious friend. I must say I’m enjoying all the scenes that Sookie and Jason are having together this season. There’s a really great chemistry there. And I love how their relationship has grown throughout the series.
    Also glad that there were fewer stories to tell this week – although Alcide will always be missed. It was all getting kinda cramped

  23. Marie says:

    This was a very good episode. I agree that the scene with Hoyt, Jessica and Jason was heart wrenching. I cried also. I understand the scene later when Jason pulled Hoyt over. Jason is a bit dense and naive and this was a good way for viewers to see it’s really over and for it to truly hit home for Jason. Beutifully done.
    I am getting to dislike Bill. I think he turned into a jerk after the second season. I WANT THE OLD BILL BACK.
    That last scene with Russel in his tyrade was powerful. We see how dangerous and scary he really is. I think he actually scared the other vampires. It was especially powerful when he started slipping into that accent. Real evil. Denis O’Hare is a fantastic actor and an awesome scene stealer!

  24. Marie says:

    By the way I also noticed Jason lying in the grave in the coming attractions. What is up with that? I hope they don’t turn Jason. What else is Alan Ball gonna screw up before his departure? I really enjoyed this episode. I love when they focus on the characters in Bon Temp not all that authority bull and all the bloody violence and sex.

  25. Ben says:

    Having fewer story lines this week was nice. I wonder if we’ll find out who Warlo (Warlow?) is this season.

  26. tvdiva says:

    I think Russell is about to meet his match in Warlo. I think the two of them will fight over Sookie and the other fairies. I think the fairies will train Sookie to use all her powers and there will be a hot mess of a war between the faeries and vamps, humans and vamps, and I do no think it will end in the next two episodes. (If it does that is the shortest war in history.) I think Bill is going to continue to be the chosen one through next season. If the vampire government falls apart, a new Vampire Authority of some kind will need to be convened. So this will probably take longer than two episodes.

  27. Martin says:

    Something i realised this episode, we need more Sookie/Andy scenes, they are really funny together.

  28. Nicolas says:

    Please stake Bill ! This season is going awol. At least the season 4 had some consistency with Antonia as the bad guy.If I had to rate this season out of 5, it would get 3.

    • Marie says:

      I felt that way after second episode but I feel it regained my interest after they got rid of that nowhere story about the smoke monster and the other business with the “Supe Haters”. And Roman was a waste of time. Seems like they saved the best for the last four episodes.
      I just wish Bill would stop being so power hungry and Eric would go back to being his old ruthless self loving viking self.

  29. Marie says:

    I also got sick of all that pack wolf crap. Haven’t we seen enough werewolves on “V” ? BORING!

  30. Marie says:

    And I would LOVE to see more and more of Tara and Pam, Lafayette -who I think is the best- and concentrate more on the Bon Temp characters.
    Did anybody understand the scene about that fairy contract that they deciphered that Jason and Sookie found?

    • i didnt at first either but now i do. :) basically it’s a very old contract which states that the next faerie in the stackhouse family belongs to warlo, which is Sookie. BUT if russell wants to feed off Sookie as you can see from next week’s promo, the question is will warlo finally show up and help sookie from the evil hands of russell?

      • Marie says:

        Oh okay. That makes sense.
        I hope they don’t turn Jason into a vampire! Why couldn’t he be a werepanther, as in the books? At least he wouldn’t be one of the undead. It works for Tara ( though it has been a hard adjustment for fans) but I can’t see Jason that way.

  31. sara says:

    I just thought it was cute how they tried to hid Anna’s (sookie) pregnant belly

  32. Lee says:

    Jessica/Jason/Hoyt, one of the best scenes of the entire series! The rest of the episode was terrible.

  33. I really thought mac would have set the iStake so they couldn’t stake it’s creator.. :-/

  34. the scene with jessica/ hoyt and jason was quite emotional and although ive never really appreciated the hoyt character (always preferred his mum) it was a nice ending for his character not to turn into a supe or die.

    but seeing jason cry in sookie’s arms was the hardest part to watch in tonights episode i really wanted to hug him. i love how sookie was there for him.

    I have loved luna’s character since day 1 and it makes me so happy that she has become this kick ass figure on the show – i hope she gets to kill a few before getting her girl back and it would be cool to see her shift into one of the sanguinistas to do it.

    i have a feeling that the red head old lady from the AVL will go to fangtasia (as seen in the promo) to give tara the true death for killing the temporary sheriff of area 5 but pam will intervene to save her progeny and will kill her instead. Yes!

    Meanwhile Russell will (i dont want to believe it) jason when sookie refuses to leave the fae world, which explains why he is in the pit and could be turned into a vamp. (damn you AB!!)
    on the other hand if he was turned Jason would make a great ‘Blade’ type of vamp that serves justice for humans against vampires despite being one himself.

    And i still have no idea who warlow is but he might come and save sookie from russell despite us thinking he wants to kill her. i would like to see lafayette be pushed for these final 2 episodes with his demon involved somehow to help a ally?