Dumpster Dive: Fisticuffs + Booze + Blurred Body Parts x @$%#! = Bad Girls Club: Mexico

ashley bad girls club mexicoIf, like me, you’ve been lucky enough to miss the first eight seasons of Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club franchise, you might be blissfully unaware of this bloated, pustule-ridden underbelly of reality television that makes the Kardashian sisters look like Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Based on the show’s Season 9 premiere (set in Cabo San Puke-us, Mexico) , it’s clear the show’s formula is a simple one: Corral a pack of trashily dressed, trucker-mouthed she-beasts in a mansion, ply them with liquor, and wait for them tostart violently assaulting one another. Rinse (with gin), lather, and repeat. To be honest, I don’t know why Oxygen doesn’t just buy a burnt-out shack in rural Ohio, fill it with a brood of chickens, a pack of wild dogs, and a few feral cats, then let nature take its course. They’d get the same horrific footage at a fraction of the cost!

But I digress. You want details? Brace yourselves, *#$@^%*#!!!

* The proceedings began with cast members introducing themselves in home-video footage/confessionals comprised of grim boasts (“I’m the loudest person in the rhuuum*!” screeched Julie, while Ashley declared herself “not classy at all whatsoever.”); charming vignettes (Rima recounted how she’s inclined to shout “Whose d–k do I have to suck to get in the club?” whenever she arrives at an event where there’s a line at the entrance and she doesn’t know the bouncer); dubious claims (Mehgan repeatedly referred to President Barack Obama as her “stepdad”); and grainy footage of the “ladies” dropping their derrieres to the floor and shaking ‘em like bowls full of jelly**. (*That’s how this monstrous collection of human cells pronounces “room.”) (**Apologies there to Clement Clarke Moore.)

* Apparently, part of being a “bad girl” is making instant snap judgments about the appearance of any/all women you encounter. Mehgan described Erika as “the big, beasty bitch,” Rima and Mehgan quickly announced their deep hatred of Christina’s eyebrows, and Falen took an instant disliking to Christina and Ashley, the two “bitches” who arrived via boat. How dare they! (Side note, Falen is just one missing ‘L’ away from being able to be described as “that Fallen woman.” A pity!

* My favorite quote from drunken, stumbling mess Ashley, presented with no further comment: “I’ve got weak ankles, so falling over is just one of the things I do.” (Let the accompanying photo serve as Exhibit A of this alarming medical condition.)

* Rima, described initially by Mehgan as “the really pretty Mexican looking one, but she’s not Mexican,” was deemed “classy” by her fellow housemates, but only until she lapped up her afternoon alcohol and was released into the wild. “There’s no rules for me,” she announced. “I’m gonna take off my clothes. I look classy, and I will go do trashy things.” And then, she raised her skirt, flashed her ass cleavage to all of Cabo, and finally dropped to her stomach on a bar top and wriggled her body like she was attempting to win an Olympic gold medal in skankery. Astonishing. An appalled Mehgan huffed that she couldn’t believe Rima would “lift her dress up at the bar for free.” (Apparently, it wouldn’t be so terrible if she lifted up her dress at the bar for money?)

* A drunken sidewalk confrontation between Julie and Christina ended with the latter creature spitting in the former’s face, then gyrating all up in Julie’s grill, accusing her rival of jealousy, and screeching, “Look at it and love it!” An hour or so later, Christina suggested they be friends.

* The night’s final indignity arrived when Falen, Julie, and Mehgan took offense at Rima’s failure to bathe before wading into the hot tub. “Who doesn’t shower after a night of dancing on the bar, stripper poles, and liquor. Ewww. Gross,” offered Mehgan, while Falen summed it up more succinctly: “Clean your cooch!” When Erika told Rima about the girls’ comments — “I’m snitchin’ ’cause I wanna see them box,” Erika confessed — Rima and Mehgan obliged, slapping and clawing at each other in the white, cement-block hallway as a team of “security” dudes attempted to pry them apart. To be continued! I can’t wait to not tune in next week.

Anyone else watch the Season 9 premiere of Bad Girls Club? Share your thoughts, feelings, and psychological scars below!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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27 Comments
  1. Jiggy says:

    this made me laugh so hard. especially when you called one of them a “creature”

  2. Jared says:

    Its ashame that BGC is the highest rated show on Oxygen..it just goes to show viewers love drunk..dirty hoes..

  3. Kasper F. Nielsen says:

    This sounds hilarious. I think I’ll have to start watching this show!

  4. lena says:

    I actually used to like this show but not anymore. It was interesting the first couple of seasons b/c the girls actually wanted to change but not Oxygen just casts these stupid morons who only do is fight. Who wants to what that? It gets old quickly.

  5. tim says:

    depending on who they cast, some seasons are better than others. but I LOVE this show—great entertainment.

  6. Maggie says:

    CHRISTINA IS MY GIRLLLL !!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Monica says:

    These bitches are true entertainment if you enjoy less educated hoes claiming to be the classiest baddest girls in America.

    And if I was Obama I would make it known that this breed of pawn scum called Megan is not related to his name!!!! How embarrassing for Obama!!!!
    DISGUSTING HOES!!!!!!!!

  8. da f***ing best says:

    i didn’t care to watch the show, i have better things to do!

  9. bob says:

    I just like to jerk it to this show

  10. jashantilanikacail says:

    I love the bad girls club Mexico and its my fav show my mom is meagen and Julie

    • jashantilanikacail says:

      Who ever have some thing to say about megan,Julie,falen reply to this post because I will treaet u and u bet not get on my leval yall dirty ass hoes and go work them poles like u been doing working money for me bitch………………

  11. kuanesha1 says:

    morgan got them hands

  12. candiissweet says:

    i thought it was meagam not morgan wow.

  13. candiissweet says:

    erica is not the business she is so ugly to me and she is always the first one talking about how cute she is girl please have you seen those lips and with out no make up wow cant believe some of the things that come out of her mouth.

    • Taciana says:

      Erica is SO EFFIN UGLY!!!!!!! I had to look at her several times to get a good look at her….damn son! WOOF! She look like Tracey Morgan …LMAO

  14. Ladyy says:

    Ericka booboo u r a hot mess i liked her at first but wen she try to fight my girl ramai i just really stop likin her

  15. Rhonda says:

    BEAR+ERICA = BEARICA…LMAO

  16. Eve Taylor says:

    Ericka, i hope this comment gets to you about the last episode when you told Rima to hang herself. I think you need to be thrown off of the show. You are talking about taking a mother away from a child. You say Rima needs to leave. You are the one that needs to leave or get your act together. You made yourself look outrageous in front of millions of people and they will not forget you! I know you are going to say that you were drunk but that is no excuse!

    • melfuzluh says:

      i agree. that is such a mean thing to say. that doesnt make you bad that just makes you repulsive. she should be thrown off the show.

  17. Chocolate Ty says:

    Erica I really thought to was all right until you went on Re Re. I think your ugly and jealous of her and if you ever come to the DMV come see me. So you can get that ass BEAT for real…

  18. melfuzluh says:

    as much of a guilty pleasure as htis show is for me. i really shows me how not to act, and when i realize im acting like thses girls i quickly re evaluate wtf is wrong with me. so tho this show is trsh of all trash. i take something from it, in the sense i DO NOT WANT TO BE A BAD GIRL.

  19. liz says:

    Erika is one ugly bitc## rima is gorgeous so they all hate on her specially julie she keeps getting her ass beat, rima got her good.

  20. valeria says:

    damn rima you a lady more woman than all them hoes and why megan talkin she said at the end of the show she beatin all yall ass.i no megan she calls me on the low. tasha ask her who i am.

  21. Kelso says:

    I Fricken love this show! Have loved all 11 seasons as well as its spin off Love Games! I get that it isnt for everyone but sit back, watch and enjoy cause u are in for a wild ride

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