True Blood Recap: Return of the King

In Sunday’s “Let’s Boot and Rally” episode of True Blood, Sookie reunited with Eric. And Bill. But not that way. Rather, she teamed up with her exes as well as Alcide – her current, um… “beau,” shall we call him? – to track down Russell. The clock was ticking, too, as Salome ordered the vamps iStaked at dawn if their mission was unsuccessful. Of course, that was just one of the 204 stories unfolding. Among the highlights of the others:


TARA AND JESSICA BECAME BFFs | Well, briefly. After Pam dressed her progeny in the finest gladrags this side of RuPaul’s Drag Race and put her to work as Fangtasia’s new bartender, Jessica gave the new vamp the “It gets better speech” (word for word, no less) and suggested they be besties. Unfortunately, they never got around to braiding one another’s hair, because the redhead flipped upon catching her gal pal feeding on her ex, Emo Hoyt.

JESUS GAVE LAFAYETTE “HEAD” | Understandably freaked out by the return of his scary brujo alter ego, Lafayette pleaded with Jesus for guidance. What he received instead was a vision of his late lover as a disembodied head with its lips stitched shut. Though this only further upset Lafayette, his nutjob mother – who, for reasons unknown, saw the same thing – seemed to understand and promised to deliver Jesus’ message.

ELLER WENT UP IN SMOKE | When the veteran explained that he’d seen a fire monster kill Kessler, Terry admitted that he, too, had glimpsed it, after they’d murdered a civilian to cover up their war crimes. “Poppycock!” said Patrick (not literally) only moments before Eller was burned to a crisp by the aforementioned fire monster (played, more or less, by the smoke monster from Lost).

SAM AND LUNA WERE GUNNED DOWN | After reporting the murders of his shifter pals to Andy, Sam ran to tell Luna. “Who could have done this?” they wondered… right before the gang that did it shot Sam and – it looked mighty fatally – Luna. Thankfully, Little Emma escaped unharmed by turning into wolf Benji and making tracks.

RUSSELL ROSE FROM THE ASHES | Once Sookie and Alcide’s attempt at having sex was interrupted – first by her puking and then by her exes – the clairvoyant helped Eric and Bill in their efforts to locate Russell by reading the mind of Alcide’s employee. A woman dug up the former king, the fairy learned. And not just any woman but a woman wearing an Authority necklace! Bill jumped to the conclusion that Nora, aka Not Kate Beckinsale, betrayed Eric. (The rest of us, I suspect, jumped to the conclusion that Salome betrayed Roman.) In any case, their search eventually lead them to Russell, whose drawl was back to 110 percent, even if the rest of him wasn’t quite. But, bedridden or not, that didn’t stop him from – it appeared – getting the drop on his would-be assassins. More on that, presumably, next week…

So, your thoughts? Glad Russell’s back in action? What was up with Jessica’s (over)reaction to Tara putting the bite on Emo Hoyt? Do you think Nora dug up Russell, or Salome? (Or was it Barb from Cougar Town?) Sound off below!