CBS 'Announces' Dancing On the Stars Series, Poking Fun at Big Brother/Glass House Feud

It’s rare that the major networks let their hair down and have some fun, so we are compelled to share this satirical press release issued by CBS, announcing a new series called Dancing On the Stars — a “completely original reality program that owes its concept… to nobody at all.”

The “announcement” of course comes in the midst of an ongoing courtroom battle between waged by CBS against ABC, which earlier this week premiered The Glass House, a competition series the Eye contends borrows way, way too much from Big Brother.

This is where I again note that this is a joke, and not a real show — reading comprehension being what it is these days.

But enough of that legal rigamarole; check out CBS’ “official” announcement here for Dancing On the Stars:

CBS ANNOUNCES DEVELOPMENT OF “DANCING ON THE STARS,”
AN EXCITING AND COMPLETELY ORIGINAL REALITY PROGRAM THAT OWES ITS CONCEPT AND EXECUTION TO NOBODY AT ALL

Los Angeles, June 21, 2012 – Subsequent to recent developments in the creative and legal community, CBS Television today felt it was appropriate to reveal the upcoming launch of an exciting, ground-breaking and completely original new reality program for the CBS Television Network.

The dazzling new show, DANCING ON THE STARS, will be broadcast live from the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, and will feature moderately famous and sort of well-known people you almost recognize competing for big prizes by dancing on the graves of some of Hollywood’s most iconic and well-beloved stars of stage and screen.

“This very creative enterprise will bring a new sense of energy and fun that’s totally unlike anything anywhere else, honest,” said a CBS spokesperson, who also revealed that the Company has been working with a secret team for several months on the creation of the series, which was completely developed by the people at CBS independent of any other programming on the air. “Given the current creative and legal environment in the reality programming business, we’re sure nobody will have any problem with this title or our upcoming half-hour comedy for primetime, POSTMODERN FAMILY.”

“After all,” the spokesperson added, “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”

Now I just need to see CBS produce an actual promo for DOTS, to air during the Big Brother 13 premiere on July 12.

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44 Comments
  1. Brent says:

    CBS should just let it go. Big Brother will crush Glass House in the ratings, they’re both ridiculous shows, and it’s not going to hurt them one bit.

  2. Ezzy Klein says:

    Actually, I kinda like this concept.

  3. joe says:

    They should have called it “Dancing Upon Dead Stars” DUDS.

  4. Mitholas says:

    Guys…

    I would totally watch “Post-modern Family”.

    • Clarissa says:

      Lol so would I. Not too sure I’d watch Dancing On The Stars, but maybe if they created Dancing With The Dead Stars…

      • Stacey says:

        Me too. If they actually embraced the gothic element. Could be interesting. Or have the “celeb dancers” dressed up as dead celebrities like Michael, Elvis, Whitney, Anna Nicole and others… I enjoyed the mockness of this annoucement, but underneath it could really be a interesting “reality” competiton. And I am not sure I am joking about this. They have tried every other kind of reality show!

        • Clarissa says:

          ha I was thinking more weekend at Bernie’s style for Dancing With The Dead Stars

          • Gerald says:

            I was thinking holograms are big now a days, they could probably dance with the dead stars holograms.

        • Angela says:

          If nothing else, it’d make a great one-off event for Halloween.
          That’s actually a really clever comeback from CBS. It made me chuckle.

  5. Robin says:

    Hilarious… lol

  6. Mike says:

    HAHAHA!! “By dancing on the graves of some of Hollywood’s most iconic and well-beloved stars of stage and screen.” Amazing! But CBS has absolutely zero to worry about. Big Brother is unparalleled. Can’t wait for it to come back!

  7. Marcie says:

    OK, I laughed out loud. Groundbreaking, indeed.

  8. Emily says:

    Postmodern Family > Dancing On the Stars

  9. Kate says:

    This is really funny and surprising! I bet CBS wouldn’t have done it if the ratings for Glass House had been good…

  10. jcd says:

    This just makes CBS look like a crybaby. Didn’t they ripoff The View here recently with The Talk?

    Yeah, they’re totes creative over there at CBS too… (/sarcasm)

  11. Ayana says:

    I think it’s kinda disrespectful to dance on somebody’s grave.

  12. Jessica says:

    I think instead of dancing on the graves of the stars they should find stars to lay under a stage while the professionals dance…..on them. But would totally watch Postmodern Family.

  13. This lawsuit probably gave The Glass House more promotion than it ever would have gotten otherwise (though it still received horrible ratings), so that was a bit of a misstep on CBS’s part.

    The Glass House will end up in the same category as Expedition Impossible (The Amazing Race clone), The One (American Idol clone), The Benefactor (The Apprentice clone) and One Ocean View (The Real World clone) as yet another crappy attempt by ABC to clone another network’s reality show that ultimately no one will remember. It would have died naturally on its own like all those shows did without CBS needing to spend millions on legal fees to try and kill it themselves.

    • tim says:

      I truthfully don’t believe the general public knew anything about the lawsuit.

      • Mal says:

        I did, and it was the first time I’d heard of Glass House. Of course, I don’t watch Big Brother, so I had zero interest in Glass House, but I wouldn’t have ever heard of it if it weren’t for the law suit, b/c everything I watch on ABC over the summer, I watch on time delay so I can fast forward through the commercials. CBS DID give Glass House press to people who otherwise never would’ve known it existed! Whoopsies.

  14. Pearl says:

    C’mon. It was hilarious. Its good to see a network that has sense of humor. I loved the last part: ““people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” Too much laughs today!

  15. Gilda says:

    Hehe this is clever

  16. Victoria says:

    Love it that’s hilarious

  17. justgina says:

    This is great! It reminds me of the legal opinion written like Dr. Seuss http://lawhaha.com/dr-seuss-on-bankruptcy-law/

    Good to see some comedy coming out of this ridiculous situation.

  18. Megan says:

    CBS should be embarrassed. They tried so hard to stop Glass House from airing when it’s one of the worst shows ever created. Time to let it go, CBS. There were no winners in that stupid feud.

  19. OCrazy says:

    LOL!! hilariousssss!!

  20. Michael says:

    My side.

  21. Sara says:

    That was so good…I don’t think I laughed out loud like this in a long time. Good job CBS

  22. Templar says:

    I predict a grave outcome.

  23. CJ says:

    I definitely got a kick out of this. “DANCING ON THE STARS….will feature moderately famous and sort of well-known people you almost recognize” – exactly how I feel about DWTS.

    It seems like a lot of people feel like CBS is overreacting about the Glass House thing and should just drop it because Big Brother will crush it anyway. While I don’t think CBS sees it as a threat ratings-wise, I do kind of understand where they are coming from. Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile… If ABC gets away with (allegedly) stealing a show concept from CBS, what is there to stop ABC and other networks from doing it again?

  24. GeoDiva says:

    Touche’ CBS!

  25. mia says:

    this is hilarious. Makes me really like CBS; the network showing they have a sense of humour

    I’d also watch Post-Modern Family. Heck, I might even watch Dancing on the Stars

  26. Amy says:

    CBS may be known as the “Old People Network” but they’ve still got some sass in ‘em. (and snark!) Love it!!

  27. Laurel says:

    The people at CBS are acting like a bunch of spoiled 2 year olds who didn’t get there way.
    Let it go and move on.
    They are just giving Glass House free press.
    Like CBS never dublicated a show, ABC’s “The View” became CBS’s “Talk”.
    And Julie Chen is trying to imitate Barbara Walters.
    Move on CBS.

    • Lee says:

      You’re an idiot if you can’t see the humor in this…ITS GENIUS! You must work for ABC!

      • Ronnie says:

        In PR words it’s simple a failure to make an officially press release with false statements (no matter how funny it seems for themselves or you – what are the next PR Releases true or false?) Gil Schwartz either signed it or maybe this spokeman just ‘humorous digged his own grave’.

    • Whatever says:

      I thought it was lame and I watch BB !
      Glass House was a mediocre show at best why bother ?

  28. Jason says:

    If ABC wants to get into the reality show business, they need to bring back The Mole hosted by Anderson Cooper. It will never happen, but that show was gold.

  29. B says:

    I think my favorite part was the “will feature moderately famous and sort of well-known people you almost recognize competing” line. It describes the vast majority of competitors on Dancing With the “Stars” perfectly.

    Hilarious!

  30. Lex says:

    It was funny until they brought up real cemeteries … there are non-celeb people buried there. Like parents and children, such as Keanu Reeves’ stillborn daughter. In poor taste CBS! But then again, Big Brother is in poor taste, so why am I surprised.

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