Something disconcerting is happening on Survivor: South Pacific, the Broadway Musical. I speak, of course, of Brandon Hantz‘s baffling obsession with the idea that his Upolu tribemate Mikayla, a sporty, no-nonsense chick whose main interests seem to be catching fish and exhibiting both heart and muscle in challenges, is somehow destroying the fabric of his marriage. How exactly he’s managed to interpret Mikayla’s behavior as “using her seductive ways and young-girl attitude” is one of the more confounding developments in recent reality TV history. Okay, sure, Mikayla spends most of her time in a boy-cut bikini, but this isn’t Survivor: Arctic Circle. And if exposed flesh is really Brandon’s issue, then why didn’t he have a meltdown during a lengthy walk-and-talk session with Coach during which the latter player’s nether-regions had to be continuously pixellated. (Side note: Gentlemen, if you happened to be letting it all hang out, so to speak, is there any way you wouldn’t be aware of it? Come ON!)
Anyhow, when Coach asked Brandon why Mikayla made him feel so uncomfortable that he wanted her eliminated (despite the fact that her physical strength is a huge asset to Upolu), all Brandon could say is this: “Because I’m faithful to my wife.” Who knows? Maybe Mikayla waits every night for her Upolu tribemates and the Survivor camera operators to go to sleep, then taunts Brandon by performing the dance of the seven Survivor buffs, but the dude’s obsession kinda makes me think his machete privileges should be curtailed, no?
p.s. If you missed the episode, the week’s four main developments were Ozzy finding the immunity idol on the Savaii side (funny how those returning players seem to find ’em with such ease, no?); Brandon revealing to Coach that he’s Russell’s nephew; Christine getting voted off from Upolu — largely because of how she dismissed Coach as a “temporary player” back on Day 1; and Brandon admitting at Tribal Council that he attempted to get Christine and Stacey to vote for Mikayla. Here’s an idea: Maybe next week he can propose that his team banish the harlot to the deep forest and paint her forehead with a large red A!
Take our poll below and weigh in on whether Brandon tops the Survivor creep-o-meter, and if your answer is no, then please provide alternative contenders for the title down in the comments! (Slezak on Twitter: @MichaelSlezakTV)