Quotes Of The Week For April 26, 2020
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from April 26 through May 2, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
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PENNY DREADFUL: CITY OF ANGELS
"There will come a time when the world is ready for me, when nation will battle nation, when race will devour race, when brother will kill brother... until not a soul is left. Are you ready?... And on that day, a leader will arise and set all the kingdoms to war and all the races one against the other, a day when the dark powers are coming into alignment and the world is ready to burn. And all it will take is one... final... spark."
The demon Magda (Natalie Dormer), predicting a future as bleak as our present
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PENNY DREADFUL: CITY OF ANGELS (Bonus Quote!)
"Let's enjoy our life here and leave the Old World to itself. I say America first! America always!"
Nazi Peter (Rory Kinnear), cheerfully encouraging folks to ignore what's going on in Hitler's Germany
insecure-overeat-binge-drink-quote
INSECURE
"Like, why can't I just overeat and binge-drink with my own blood?"
Issa (Issa Rae), speaking for all of us as she laments the fact that she'll have to spend Thanksgiving with her mom's man's family
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INSECURE (Bonus Quote!)
"Is he crazy and rich?"
Curtis (Richard Nevels), after getting a look at sis Molly's Asian-American boo
the-conners-more-hickey-than-becky-quote
THE CONNERS
"When your Aunt Becky gets home, have her teach you how to cover that thing up. By the time she was 15, she was more hickey than Becky."
Darlene (Sara Gilbert) gives son Mark a pro tip on concealing his first love bite, while at the same time taking a dig at her harlot of a sister
survivor-spy-nest-quote
SURVIVOR
"In my first season, Cagayan, I made a spy shack and it worked. Then, Game Changers, my second season, I made an underground bunker. It was a failure, but it was fun. Right now, my spying has evolved and now I'm up in the air. It's called a spy nest, like a bird nest, that I perch myself on just like a bird, and I sit there and I wait to hear conversations that are going on. [to Sarah] Can you see me?"
Tony recaps his grade school-style espionage tactics
the-masked-singer-done-way-worse-quote
THE MASKED SINGER
"That might be the worst thing I've ever done on television."
"I've done way worse."
Nick Cannon eats a cricket on stage, but Jenny McCarthy Wahlberg isn't impressed
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PRODIGAL SON
"Leaving all that DNA on the body? Very sloppy, son. You've gotta clean up after yourself. It's the first rule of killing. And kindergarten."
In another one of Malcolm's nightmares, his father (Michael Sheen) offers a lesson in murdering someone properly
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RUN
"What makes a building Gothic?"
"You know, listens to sad music. Wears black eyeliner."
Ruby (Merritt Wever) isn't taking this architecture tour as seriously as Billy (Domhnall Gleeson) is
the-blacklist-tiny-island-of-calm-quote
THE BLACKLIST
"Have you looked at my life? I mean, really taken a close look? Because it's like I'm in the middle of a monsoon that's constantly threatening to drown me in bad news. And somewhere in the middle of that FEMA disaster of a life, somewhere, is just — [points to Ressler] — a tiny island of calm. And if that weren't there, I would be swept out to sea."
Liz (Megan Boone) gets real about how much Ressler means to her
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ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST
"Oh, God. There's nothing worse than a human being singing directly into another human being's eyes."
"Ya think?"
If Joan (Lauren Graham) thinks being serenaded by Leif at karaoke is bad, we're not sure she could handle having Zoey's (Jane Levy) new power
ncis-los-angeles-paperwork-day-quote
NCIS: LOS ANGELES
"We're going to Afghanistan."
"Afghanistan Afghanistan?"
"There's only one."
"So... not a paperwork day."
"No."
Sam (LL Cool J) springs another fun day on visitor FBI Agent Roundtree (Caleb Castille)
batwoman-ribs-right-place-quote
BATWOMAN
"Why are you pretending to be Batwoman?"
"Because the real one is MIA and the city still has PTSD from when Batman left."
"Your heart is in the right place. Your ribs, however, are not."
Mary (Nicole Kang) tends to a fake crusader
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parks-and-rec-reunion-ron-social-distancing-quote
A PARKS AND RECREATION SPECIAL
"When you travel, are you practicing social distancing?"
"I've been practicing social distancing since I was 4 years old."
Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) reassures Leslie (Amy Poehler) that he's way ahead of the curve on coronavirus safety protocols
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A PARKS AND RECREATION SPECIAL (Bonus Quote!)
"You have an EGOT?"
"Yes! I've been banned from all four ceremonies!"
Local TV host Joan Callamezzo (Mo Collins) brags about her Hollywood credentials to Ben (Adam Scott)
blue-bloods-you-got-dick-now-quote
BLUE BLOODS
"Looks to me like you're the one who's got dick now."
Arresting a smart-mouthed thug for murder, Anthony (Steve Schirripa) nails the callback
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THE FLASH
"Oh, thank Elsa!"
Ralph (Hartley Sawyer) is relieved to see Caitlin thaw out of her ice coma
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MACGYVER
"A few weeks ago, Phoenix obtained a weapon known as Shiva, made by Nikola Tesla—"
"I know. I was there, mansplainer."
Scarlett (Amber Skye Noyes) needs no "Previously On..." from Mac (Lucas Till)