Quotes Of The Week For March 29, 2020
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from March 29 through April 4, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
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THE WALKING DEAD
"You should probably shoot me."
"Don't threaten me with a good time."
Daryl (Norman Reedus) and Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), exchanging "pleasantries" before the reformed baddie saved his new frenemy from the Whisperers
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BETTER CALL SAUL
"You know why I didn't take the job? 'Cause it's too small! I don't care about it! It's nothing to me! It's a bacterium! I travel in worlds you can't even imagine! You can't conceive of what I'm capable of! I'm so far beyond you! I'm like a god in human clothing! Lightning bolts shoot from my fingertips!"
Jimmy (Bob Odenkirk) delivers the most colorful rejection of a job offer we've ever heard
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BROOKLYN NINE-NINE
"There's a demon in our genes."
"Title of your sex tape."
"No, the title of my sex tape is Cockpit Larry and the Mile-High Stewardae."
"What?"
"Stewardae. It's plural for stewardess."
Roger (Bradley Whitford) goes and ruins a perfectly good "title of your sex tape" joke for Jake (Andy Samberg)
KIM RAVER, GREG GERMANN
GREY'S ANATOMY
"I hope you and Strawberry Shortcake live happily ever after."
With tongue firmly in cheek, Tom (Greg Germann) wishes Teddy and her ginger fiancé well
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MODERN FAMILY
"You all got the TikTok invite that Bridget from Quibi sent for her matcha pop-up on Thursday, right? You guys down?"
"Oh, yeah, that sounds... frosty."
Grandparents Phil (Ty Burrell) and Claire are in wayyyy over their heads at the younger parents' table
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NCIS
"Hey, Gibbs — where's your green?"
"In my wallet."
Bishop (Emily Wickersham) plays St. Patrick's Day sartorial police
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ONE DAY AT A TIME
"See, Alex was at his locker, and I came up and said, 'Cool sneakers...'"
"And then I said [gives a 'What's up?' nod]..."
"And we've been together ever since."
"God, it's so easy being straight!"
Elena (Isabella Gomez) takes stock of just how simple it was for little brother Alex to get himself a girlfriend
the-good-doctor-lifetime-drinking-whiskey-quote
THE GOOD DOCTOR
"I could have spent a lifetime drinking whiskey with you."
A dying Dr. Melendez (Nicholas Gonzalez) mourns what could have been with ex-girlfriend Lim
the-good-doctor-you-make-me-more-shaun-quote
THE GOOD DOCTOR (Bonus Quote!)
"You make me more, Shaun."
Lea (Paige Spara) borrows Shaun's turn of phrase to tell the surgical resident that she's in love with him
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SCHITT'S CREEK
"Alexis, between us, I don't do this job for the money."
"OK, well, if you don't do this for money, I'm scared to know what you do do for money."
Alexis (Annie Murphy), just before learning that Twyla (Sarah Levy) is a millionaire
schitts-creek-make-you-happy-here-quote
SCHITT'S CREEK (Bonus Quote!)
"David, I promise I will make you so happy here."
"You f—ing better."
Patrick (Noah Reid) and David (Daniel Levy), planting roots in the town the latter was sure he wanted to leave
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manifest-cold-feet-quote
MANIFEST
"Couldn't sleep? I've already got you beat on the cold feet."
Even on death's doorstep, Zeke (Matt Long) has (frost)biting humor
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HAWAII FIVE-0 (Bonus Quote!)
"If I had a dollar for every time you saved my life... I'd have, like, 20 bucks."
"You'd have a lot more than that, actually."
"25 bucks."
"Yeah."
Danny (Scott Caan) and Steve (Alex O'Loughlin) quibble over matters of life and death
hawaii-five-0-insurance-information-quote
HAWAII FIVE-0
"You know, after what you guys did to my car, I feel like we should probably exchange insurance information."
Danny (Scott Caan) needs to know if Daiyu Mei has property damage liability coverage
macgyver-ted-talk-from-hell-quote
MACGYVER
"This is the TED Talk from Hell."
Mason (Peter Weller) sums up Gwendolyn's grim forecast for Earth's future
outlander-i-love-you-soldier-quote
OUTLANDER
"The battle is upon us."
"I suppose good luck will do... I love you, soldier."
"'Good luck' will do. 'I love you' does so much better."
Jamie (Sam Heughan) and Claire (Caitriona Balfe) part ways before battle
prodigal-son-most-beautiful-man-quote
PRODIGAL SON
"Did you know that when he arrived in the city, the New York Times called Javier Suarez the most beautiful man in New York? [looks longingly at Malcolm] I disagreed."
Edrisa (Keiko Agena) isn't even trying to hide her crush on Malcolm anymore, is she?