Quotes Of The Week For Jan. 12, 2020

We've rounded up the best TV quotes from Jan. 12 through Jan. 18, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!

SEX EDUCATION (Episode 2)

"It was really, really bad. He was moving his fingers like he was dialing a 1920s telephone."

Ola (Patricia Allison) describes to Lily the complete lack of pleasure she received from boyfriend Otis

SCHITT'S CREEK

"Alexis, this is exciting. We have our very own digital soapbox here. It reminds me of the Nickelodeon pilot I did in which Ashley Tisdale and I played suffragettes. You remember — You Go, Girl."

Twitter newbie Moira (Catherine O'Hara) can't contain her #enthusiasm

SCHITT'S CREEK (Bonus Quote!)

"Alexis, I think you and I might need to purchase antibiotics. I believe we've just gone viral."

Five likes, and Moira (Catherine O'Hara) thinks she's an Internet sensation

OSCAR NOMINATIONS ANNOUNCEMENT

"Congratulations to those men."

Co-presenter Issa Rae curtly acknowledges the all-male nominees in the Best Directing category

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EVIL

"I'm going to—"

"What, hurt me? How? You're a nothing man from Des Moines who's using the imagery of Satanism — a Satanism you probably don't even believe — to pretend you weren't the third chair tuba player in the Roosevelt High School band. Here's a thought, Jake: Get a life!"

Kristen (Katja Herbers) has a) done a little Internet research on her nemesis Leland (Michael Emerson) — or should we say Jake? — and b) had her fill of his threats and warnings

KILLER INSIDE: THE MIND OF AARON HERNANDEZ

"Let me tell you something... a young man, Aaron's age? You don't want to wake up on Sunday morning and see some other dude making bacon in his underwear. In your house. Sleeping in your father's bed."

Tim SanSoucie, family friend of Aaron Hernandez, relates how Aaron's mother began an affair with the husband of Aaron's cousin just months after the death of Aaron's father

JEOPARDY! THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME

"Hey, Brad's score is still on there."

James Holzhauer ruthlessly points out that wiping out everyone's earlier scores leaves Brad Rutter with the same amount he had — zero

YOUNG SHELDON

"The hot beverage of comfort would become my go-to method of dealing with someone in emotional distress, and it always worked — except when my wife was in labor, where it was suggested that I throw it in my own face."

Adult Sheldon (voiced by Jim Parsons) reveals an anecdote about the delivery of his and Amy's future child

NCIS

"But what if they, like... snip the wrong wire?"

"It's not a bomb, Nick."

Torres (Wilmer Valderrama) does nothing to calm McGee's (Sean Murray) vasectomy jitters

MOM

"I think this new bra might change my whole dating life."

"You've been wearing it for a couple of days. Got any feelers?"

"Just me right now."

After a proper bra fitting, Christy (Anna Faris) can't keep her hands off herself

AMERICA'S GOT TALENT: THE CHAMPIONS

"You are a beautiful, wonderful singer... with a young woman trapped inside of you."

If giving awkward compliments were a talent, Howie Mandel would win this whole thing

'CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS' Part 4

"Nice outfit. Very Sith."

Sizing up Oliver's Spectre duds, Ryan Choi (Osric Chau) makes his Quotes of the Week debut

SUPERSTORE

"She was really getting a lot less racist toward the end."

"Yeah. She still called me 'Moana' sometimes, but at least she saw the movie. Representation matters."

Glenn (Mark McKinney) and Sandra (Kaliko Kauahi) reminisce about the late (and sometimes racist) Myrtle

SUPERSTORE (Bonus Quote!)

"Ooh! I've always wanted to go to Florida."

"Like, the Florida from the news?"

"If you ignore all the people, it's basically Hawaii."

Jonah (Ben Feldman) has seen one too many "Florida Man..." headlines to get excited about Amy's (America Ferrera) dream vacation

FLIRTY DANCING

"There was some sexy in there! And that is a stranger!"

"Yeah. How's that feel?"

"I'm a Midwest boy. We ask nicely before we ravage each other."

Contestant Cody is a little taken aback by the sultry choreography for his dance with complete stranger Danielle

SINGLE PARENTS

"What's next? She wants me present for the actual birth? I'm gonna wrap my legs around her, Handmaid's Tale-style?"

"Ugh, hate that show! [beat] I've never seen it."

Poppy (Kimrie Lewis) is freaked out that her ex's new wife is pregnant — and honestly, Angie (Leighton Meester) can't relate

THE RESIDENT

"I'm definitely not dead. Unless this is... no, this can't be heaven. I mean, it's nice here, but there should be, like, a river of ice cream and a field of roses. And Chris Pine!"

Decidedly not-dead patient Bianca (Joy Nash) marvels at the unexpected development that her heart didn't give out, even without the help of her ventricular assist device

SEX EDUCATION (Episode 5)

"I'm a pansexual, apparently."

"What, like, f—king pots and pans?"

Ola (Patricia Allison) comes out to Adam (Connor Swindells)

THE MAGICIANS

"It's not over yet. We're going to Endgame this s—t."

"When did you have time to go see Endgame?"

Eliot (Hale Appleman) questions how Margo (Summer Bishil) was able to sneak in a movie amid all their troubles

'CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS' Part 4 (Bonus Quote!)

"Is this cosplay...? Do you want a selfie, bro?"

One Flash (Ezra Miller) tries to make sense of the other

'CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS' (Crisis of Infinite Quotes!)

"You! Have failed... this universe!"

Really, could Oliver (Stephen Amell) have gone out any other way?

THE GOOD PLACE

"I have an ice cold yoga class. It's amazing. You pull so many muscles."

Even the yoga classes in the Bad Place are terrible, Vicky (Tiya Sircar) confirms