Quotes Of The Week For May 3, 2020
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from May 3 through May 9, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
riverdale-prom-fan-fiction-quote
RIVERDALE
"You wanna go to prom with me, Jug?"
"Oh, I'd be honored. But I'm not putting out."
"Let the fan fiction begin."
Left with no other options, Archie (KJ Apa) asks Jughead (Cole Sprouse) to prom... and Kevin (Casey Cott) braces for a flood of steamy interpretations
batwoman-grab-me-red-hair-quote
BATWOMAN
"Who could have predicted that 30,000 strands of Grab Me Red hair would be like waving a flag in front of a bull?"
Luke (Camrus Johnson) is not surprised to hear that baddies like to rip at the scarlet knight's wig
blindspot-playoff-contender-quote
BLINDSPOT (Bonus Quote!)
"You're not getting off that easy. If you don't want to talk, you're being traded."
"Traded? To who? A playoff contender, at least?"
Looks like Rich (Ennis Esmer) will be suiting up for North Korea soon!
john-oliver-cat-tv-names-quote
LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
"... Will! Grace! Franklin! Bash! Rizzoli! Isles! Halt! Catch Fire! ..."
Oliver calls out to some of his 28 (imaginary) cats
seal-team-goonies-never-say-die-quote
SEAL TEAM
"Goonies never say die..."
Sonny (AJ Buckley) says an apropos prayer before possibly triggering a cave collapse
the-good-fight-howdy-quote
THE GOOD FIGHT
"Howdy."
Diane (Christine Baranski) travels a country mile in an effort to spice things up in the bedroom with husband Kurt
the-flash-hes-my-twin-quote
THE FLASH
"Harrison Wells??"
"Nash Wells, actually. Harrison Wells was my doppelganger."
"Your doppelganger?"
"There was this big event called Crisis—"
"He's his twin."
"He's my twin."
Barry (Grant Gustin) simplifies for Hartley the story of Nash's existence
the-flash-thanks-oprah-quote
THE FLASH (Bonus Quote!)
"Thanks, Oprah."
Hartley (Andy Mientus) gets advice on life, and love, from Barry
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insecure-every-woman-daughter-quote
INSECURE
"How's it feel to have a little girl, man?"
"S—t's f–ked up. Before Tiff, I did some grimy s—t. And all those women were daughters. Men do f—ked-up s–t, and every woman is a daughter."
Derek (Wade Allain-Marcus), making Lawrence (Jay Ellis) sorry he inquired about fatherhood
insecure-scalped-ticket-quote
INSECURE (Bonus Quote!)
"Does [Molly] seem a little off to you?"
"OK... you f—ked Andrew."
"Not even close."
"I'm in the ballpark."
"You're not even in the game."
"Oh? Then why I got a ticket?"
"Because you scalped it."
Kelli (Natasha Rothwell), making Issa (Issa Rae) regret asking about her bestie's attitude
penny-dreadful-murder-someone-so-boring-quote
PENNY DREADFUL: CITY OF ANGELS
"Neighbor said he didn't drink, didn't smoke, didn't run around with women. Who goes to the trouble of murdering someone so f—king boring?"
Michener (Nathan Lane), marveling at the vanilla-ness of a vic
penny-dreadful-have-you-been-saved-quote
PENNY DREADFUL: CITY OF ANGELS (Bonus Quote!)
"Have you been saved, Detective?"
"Are you offering?"
Sister Molly (Kerry Bishé) and Tiago (Daniel Zovatto), turning an interrogation into a flirtation
seth-meyers-urine-lemon-zest-quote
LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
"I spend six hours a day washing my hands. I wipe down every package like it's coated in anthrax. I've watched so much Netflix that my homepage says, 'We have nothing left for you. Try Hulu?' And I've inhaled so much Lysol, my urine smells like lemon zest."
We feel ya, Seth
station-19-avoid-eye-contact-quote
STATION 19
"Because we're both gay men, you just assume that we slept together?"
"Oh, no, it's because you guys avoid eye contact with each other like it's your job."
Vic (Barrett Doss), explaining to Travis (Jay Hayden) how she figured out that he was having sex with Emmett
survivor-blue-button-down-khakis-quote
SURVIVOR
"It's been no secret to me that I'm very, very much on the bottom. Nobody would strategize with me. Pretty much everybody's like, 'Keep hope alive, Michele.' It's not really the best thing to hear when you're trying to find an in. So I need this necklace today like a fish needs water, like you need a blue button-down and khakis."
Michele Fitzgerald jokes to host Jeff Probst about his signature garb while reflecting on her crucial immunity win
normal-people-stupid-teenage-mistake-quote
NORMAL PEOPLE (Episode 6)
"How would you feel if I kept going at you about some stupid teenage mistake that you made?"
"Sweetheart, you are the stupid teenage mistake I made."
Connell (Paul Mescal), picking the wrong approach to get his cheeky mum (Sarah Greene) to quit scolding him
normal-people-opposite-of-that-quote
NORMAL PEOPLE (Episode 9)
"What do you want? I really like you."
"That. I don't want that. I don't want you to say that."
"Really?"
"Really. I want, if anything, the opposite of that."
Marianne (Daisy Edgar-Jones), revealing to Lukas (Lancelot Ncube) the extent of her brokenness
all-rise-glad-i-wore-pants-quote
ALL RISE
"All rise."
"Are we seriously doing this?"
"I'm glad I wore pants."
Mark (Wilson Bethel) is thankful for the small things when virtual court is called into session
legends-of-tomorrow-demon-dog-breeder-quote
DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW
"Oh, my God, you adopted Son of Sam's demon dog!"
"At least I didn't buy from a breeder."
Gary (Adam Tsekhman) tries to make the best out of a hellacious situation when Ava (Jes Macallan) realizes why his emotional support dog is so evil
single-parents-mixed-baby-quote
SINGLE PARENTS
"I love a mixed baby. Half-old, half-young. That would've been so cute."
Miggy (Jake Choi) is bummed that Poppy and Douglas aren't on the same page about procreating
single-parents-parent-trap-quote
SINGLE PARENTS (Bonus Quote!)
"Don't say we Parent Trap them."
"As twins, we have very complicated feelings about that film and the way it portrays us.
[Both] "And our powers."
Amy (Ella Allan) and Emma (Mia Allan) would love to get their dad back together with Poppy — as long as the plan doesn't involve a certain Hayley Mills/Lindsay Lohan classic
blindspot-mouthy-turkish-pervert-quote
BLINDSPOT
"This is a memo to the CIA about a — [reads in a foreign language] — 'mouthy Turkish pervert'? [gasps] This is about Rich!"
Jane (Jaimie Alexander) knows a Rich Dotcom description when she sees it
dynasty-qotw
DYNASTY
"Hey, Fallon, I have a new name for you: Felon Carrington!"
Leave it to Kirby (Maddison Brown) to find the humor in being hauled off to jail