Quotes Of The Week For May 31, 2020
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from May 31 through June 6, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
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LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
"Voting is a right. It has to be easy to understand and accessible to everyone — unlike, say, HBO Max. What the f—k is that, by the way? Does anyone actually know? How do I get it? I'm on HBO Max and I don't know. And why is it so purple? It's like I'm watching television from inside of Grimace's a—hole — and not in a good way."
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INSECURE
"Let's not do the tiptoe s—t tonight. Alright? No eggshells. We know each other too well for that."
"You know I'm heavy-footed. I would love to stomp."
Exes Lawrence (Jay Ellis) and Issa (Issa Rae), setting the tone for a momentous evening
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RAMY (Episode 10)
"You can have multiple wives. It's a phenomenal hidden feature in our religion."
"Being a f—kboy is a hidden feature?"
Steve (Steve Way) calls shenanigans when Mo (Mohammed Amer) suggests Ramy can have multiple spouses
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RAMY (Episode 3)
"Look, Sheikh, I know you're spiritually strong and you've got broad shoulders. Look at this guy! He's not ready. We went to the movies, we saw Toy Story 4... he cried. It's not even the sad one!
"Dude, it's really sad."
"You cried at the previews."
Ahmed (Dave Merheje) embarrasses Ramy (Ramy Youssef) in front of his new spiritual leader, Sheikh Ali
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KILLING EVE
"When I try and think about my future, I just see your face over and over again."
"It's a very beautiful face."
Villanelle (Jodie Comer) can understand why Eve (Sandra Oh) is so obsessed with her
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FULLER HOUSE (Episode 15)
"You know, in a past life, I was an ER doctor, so..."
Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) alludes to his portrayer's former gig as ER doc Tony Gates
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AT HOME WITH AMY SEDARIS
"If you cannot attend, please show up in person to explain why not."
Amy's employees are "cordially demanded" to drop by her "casual mandatory" staff barbecue by Patty Hogg (Amy Sedaris)
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THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK CITY
"Sonja, Ramona, Luann... these are a geriatric version of Girls Gone Wild."
Elyse Slaine, unimpressed by her party-animal companions
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DC'S STARGIRL
"Don't touch the Thunderbolt! That's the most dangerous thing in here."
"A pink pen?"
Pat (Luke Wilson) draws the line at Courtney (Brec Bassinger) fiddling with Johnny Thunder's ballpoint genie
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MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.
"Freddy Malick is about to deliver the key ingredient used to create the Super Soldier Serum."
"You give a name like that to your juice, it better have a helluva kick!"
"You have no idea."
Simmons apprises the team — plus Koenig! (Patton Oswalt) — of the raised stakes
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MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (Bonus Quote!)
"[Grimacing after a sip] This is definitely alcohol."
"Easy, Zima — this is the big leagues."
Zeke (Jeff Ward) samples Freddy's high-grade giggle juice
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THE BAKER AND THE BEAUTY (Bonus Quote!)
"But it's like gravity, bro. When I fall, I fall toward her."
Mateo (David Del Rio) confesses his feelings for Vanessa to Daniel
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baker-and-beauty-navarro-college-cheerleaders-quote
THE BAKER AND THE BEAUTY
"Why didn't you stop her?!"
"She snuck away! She hates goodbyes. She joined the Navarro College cheerleaders. What does it matter?! You've got to get to the airport!"
Lewis (Dan Bucatinsky) doesn't have time to explain to Daniel (Victor Rasuk) why Noa took off early
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DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW (Bonus Quote!)
"Two words: The Beatles. They taught an entire generation that even during war and tragedy, we can still make beauty."
"While also inspiring Charles Manson to commit some of the most brutal murders in history. Also, they let Ringo sing a song about an octopus."
"Dammit."
"Mamma Mia 2, a celebration of free love, reckless abandon and following your bliss, even if that bliss means creating a two-hour ABBA-palooza where Cher plays Meryl Streep's mom."
"Weren't the Legends almost murdered by Napoleon because of ABBA?"
Nate (Nick Zano) and then Mona (Ramona Young) try to convince Charlie (Maisie Richardson-Sellers) that free will is a good thing, but she's not having any of it
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DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW
"Can you put my shows back on TV?"
"Well, they'll be back in a tick. The actors just need a bit of rest, that's all."
"Why? Are they tired from the crossover?"
Legends gets meta when a fan asks Clotho (Maisie Richardson-Sellers) to revive her fave programs
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WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (Bonus Quote!)
"MILFs. Even better."
"It's a contrast, but... something I wouldn't say no to."
Nandor (Kayvan Novak) and Laszlo (Matt Berry) prepare for their "extraction" by suddenly aged witches
what-we-do-in-shadows-semen-removal-quote
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
"It is time to begin the extraction!"
"The what now?"
"The removal of your semen."
"Oh, yes, well, I'm quite keen on that idea. Let that be known."
"Now, the process will be quick."
"That's slightly insulting but probably true — though I can go again."
Witch Lilith (Lucy Punch) "spells" out what sounds like a good time to Laszlo (Matt Berry)