Best TV Quotes Of 2018

12 MONKEYS

"We can have forever. Or we can have now. With an ending that makes it real. Please. Give us an ending."

Cole (Aaron Stanford) begs Cassie to turn off Titan's machine, even though it would mean the end of their relationship

THE $100,000 PYRAMID

"Bin Laden."

Contestant Evan Kaufman makes an embarrassing gaffe when presented with the final-round category of "People Whose Last Name Is Obama" — but he can explain!

POLITICSNATION WITH AL SHARPTON

"In the words of my late friend Aretha Franklin, show some 'R-E-S-P-I-C-T.'"

All Al Sharpton's asking for is a little, umm, respict?

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: APOCALYPSE

"I'm Constance Langdon — and this is my f—king house."

Jessica Lange's return to Horror Story was everything we wanted it to be... and more

ARROW

"You... you have failed this city. And I'm gonna take it back."

Oliver (Stephen Amell) puts dishonorable Diaz on notice

ARROW (Bonus Quote!)

"Wow. So you are actually practicing law."

"Why does everybody find that so hard to believe..."

"Probably because you're not the real Laurel. Or a real lawyer."

Is Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) snarking on behalf of the fandom?

BETTER CALL SAUL

"It's all good, man!"

Jimmy (Bob Odenkirk) reassures a worried Kim... and hints at his new identity

BIG BROTHER

"I'm Julie Chen Moonves. Good night."

With her revised (and eyebrow-raising) eviction night sign-off, Chen shows support for ousted husband Les Moonves

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"I do have some bad news. There is a bomb at this wedding, as well."

"What?"

"Your butt. Your butt is the bomb. There will be no survivors."

[Sniffles] "I love you so much. You're my dream girl."

Amy (Melissa Fumero) brings Jake (Andy Samberg) to tears with her wedding vows

CASUAL

"What do you call it when you become a sad parody of yourself?"

"Piers Morgan?"

Valerie (Michaela Watkins) isn't sure she has the answer Laura (Tara Lynne Barr) is looking for, but it's a perfect answer nonetheless

CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND

"I'm here on winter break. I'm actually back for the whole rest of the series... of holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and the finale: Valentine's Day."

"Valentine's Day. I guess that is the logical end of our series... of holidays."

Greg (Skylar Astin) lets Hector (Erick Lopez) — and viewers — know he'll be sticking around for a while

ELEMENTARY

"We're partners."

"No, we're much better than that. We're two people that love each other. We always have been."

Joan (Lucy Liu) and Sherlock (Jonny Lee Miller) share a surprisingly tender moment

70TH PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS

"You wonder why I don't like to call you my girlfriend? Because I want to call you my wife."

Oscars director Glenn Weiss, proposing to girlfriend Jan Svendsen during his acceptance speech for Directing for a Variety Special

FEAR THE WALKING DEAD

"I need you alive. If you're alive, this whole world... this whole world feels alive."

John (Garret Dillahunt), confessing to "Laura" why he'd sooner leave behind his cabin than see her venture out into the dangerous world

THE FLASH

"You have been... and always will be... my friend."

"Khan."

[Iris to Barry] "Star Wars."

Iris (Candice Patton) is just a bit off Trek in appreciating the "reunion" between Harry (Tom Cavanagh) and Cisco (Carlos Valdes)

GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)

"Look, you're cute and nerdy and weird, and that's usually my type. But I've done my coming out already, I can't go through it again. I can't teach you how to do this."

"I thought this was a teaching hospital!"

Levi (Jake Borelli) was as crushed as we were when Nico (Alex Landi) refused to instruct him on how to be a gay man

HAWAII FIVE-0

"So you're scared of Grandma, huh? It's all right. Dad's scared of Mom, too."

"Let me tell you something, grandson. Your grandma, she spent every waking minute taking care of me and your dad and your uncle. She worked 50 hours a week and still found time to cook our dinner every single night. The most important person I ever met in my life. And your momma, she spends every waking hour of her life taking care of you and your daddy and your sister, and she still finds time to fly back and forth to check on her parents. Me and your daddy, we spend every waking moment of our lives trying to be worthy. So yeah, yeah, we're scared. Scared of not measuring up."

Will gets an important lesson from Grandpa Percy (Louis Gossett Jr.)

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER

"I can go on live TV right now and say that your boss ordered a kill on my client."

"You are deeply mistaken, Annalise."

"And you're basic."

Annalise (Viola Davis) is done playing nice with Gov. Birkhead (Laura Innes)

LAST MAN STANDING

"I'm trying to DVR my favorite show, but it's not on."

"Oh, well, maybe it got cancelled. You know, the TV business can be a heartless bastard."

"Cancelled? Why would they cancel a popular show that everybody loves?"

"Maybe they're a bunch of idiots!"

Mike (Tim Allen) and Vanessa (Nancy Travis) break down some cold, hard, meta truths about the TV business when Kyle's (Christoph Sanders) favorite show gets axed

THE MTV MOVIE & TV AWARDS

"I'm shocked that I won this award for Best Villain. I thought for sure Roseanne had that in the bag, ya know?"

Michael B. Jordan aka Black Panther's Killmonger takes a swipe at the disgraced former sitcom star

NASHVILLE

"Is this real?"

"You bet your sweet ass this is real, honey. And I've got the ring to prove it!"

In the series finale, Rayna (Connie Britton) teases Deacon (Charles Esten) in a bittersweet flashback to their wedding night

ONCE UPON A TIME

"Sorry. I'm late."

Emma (Jennifer Morrison) barges in on a royal ceremony involving Snow White and Prince Charming — sound familiar?

RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE HOLI-SLAY SPECTACULAR

"Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines."

Mama Ru makes a small but significant change to her runway show introduction during the holiday special, which included a transgender female contestant

LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS

"In her upcoming memoir, adult-film star Stormy Daniels compares President Trump's penis to the video game character Toad from Mario Kart. So for once I'm gonna say, let's not take a closer look."

SHARP OBJECTS

"Don't tell Mama."

Amma's (Eliza Scanlen) reaction to Camille's discovery about her dollhouse is positively chilling

SILICON VALLEY

"Look at you: You've got the hair of Giovanni Ribisi, and the complexion of Timothy Hutton, and the eyes of Joni Mitchell. You're like a Mr. Potato Head of beautiful people!"

Jared (Zach Woods) gives Richard a sweet — yet bizarre — pep talk before he goes on camera

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"Speaking of Trump fans, yesterday Washington, D.C. was bracing for a white nationalist rally... And the alt-right came out in numbers, specifically the numbers between 20 to 25. Huh. Usually, when a couple dozen white supremacists gather in Washington, D.C., it's just a Cabinet meeting."

SUPERNATURAL

"Let me get this right: The ice caps are melting, a movie where a girl goes all the way with a fish wins Best Picture, and that damn fool idjit from The Apprentice is president... And you call where we come from Apocalypse World?"

Alt Bobby (Jim Beaver) has a point...

SUPERSTORE

"Just kill yourself! Kill yourself! ... I have slept 90 minutes in three days. The lining of my uterus is coming out in clumps. I have hemorrhoids so big that my doctor looked at my a—hole and said, 'Whoa!' Have you ever had a doctor look at your a—hole and say that? I am wearing frozen diapers so that my p—y doesn't fall out! Okay?! WHY HAVEN'T YOU KILLED YOURSELF?!"

New mom Amy (America Ferrera) loses her s—t when Glenn tries gifting her bath bombs to make up for not getting maternity leave

THE AFFAIR

"I have been in pain my entire life. And maybe that's what makes people think that I'm weak. And maybe that makes people treat me like some sort of receptacle for all their grief and rage and disappointment, but I am f—king sick of it. I just want to live a different life. I want to live a different story. I'm still young. I can be someone else. Someone who deserves love. Someone who can be happy."

Alison (Ruth Wilson) lets go of her pain and accepts her fate

THE AMERICANS

"I was hoping to make it home for dinner, but things are very topsy-turvy at the office."

Philip (Matthew Rhys) sounds like he's just checking in with Elizabeth, but really, he's telling her in code that the jig is up and it's time to run

THE BIG BANG THEORY

"Thanks, Dad. We're gonna give 'em hell."

Sheldon (Jim Parsons) thanks his late father George for inspiring him to keep striving for scientific excellence

THE CONNERS

"Damn, that's the only thing from Mom's closet that I wanted."

Becky (Lecy Goranson) is disappointed when Dan confiscates Roseanne's painkillers

THE GOOD DOCTOR

"I've been terrible at a lot of things in my life, but I am damn smart, and I am a damn good surgeon — and if I can't be those things, then I don't know who I'd be."

Glassman (Richard Schiff) tells Shaun what he fears most about going under the knife

THE HANDMAID'S TALE

"Blessed be the fruit."

"May the Force be with you."

Janine (Madeline Brewer) puts an intergalactic spin on her customary response to June (Elisabeth Moss)

THE MIDDLE

"This is why I didn't want to sit in the middle. [Whispers] The middle!"

Brick (Atticus Shaffer) caps the long-running family sitcom with a very meta quirk

THE SIMPSONS

"Are you familiar with the USA Network?"

"Sure! Royal Pains, Suits, White Collar..."

"Have you ever seen any of those shows?"

"No... but somebody must've! Surely somebody!"

"There is no USA Network! There hasn't been for 20 years! It's just bus ads!"

An evil network executive (voiced by Peter Serafinowicz) reveals the shocking truth — Peak TV is a sham! — to recapper Homer (Dan Castellaneta)

THE VOICE

"I want you to know, I love you, I appreciate what you've done here tonight... but I gotta fight for my girl, and I gotta make sure that I represent her properly in this moment, because she didn't have a chance to use her voice tonight, so I'm gonna use it for her as well as I possibly can to make sure she can make it next week."

Adam Levine, setting off a firestorm by making it clear to DeAndre Nico — and us — how much less interested his coach was in him making the Top 8 than Reagan Strange, who'd been too ill to perform

TITANS

"F—k Batman."

Robin (Brenton Thwaites) has some choice words for the Caped Crusader

THE 72ND ANNUAL TONY AWARDS

"All four of tonight's Best Musical nominees are based on movies. But only one of these movies paid for my boat."

Tina Fey gives a delightful introduction to a performance by the company of Mean Girls

TRIAL & ERROR

"What do you think I did? Went to Forge Clooney's and ordered the lemon sherbet, knowing it would be in the back of the freezer 'cause it's a sh—ty flavor? And then, when he went inside to get it, what did I do? Locked him inside, ate my free fro-yo and watched him what? Slowly freeze to death? Then I suppose I went to that snitch Sir Mickey's paddock with a bushel of fresh plant shoots dipped in what? Cyanide? Waiting for death's sweet grip to take him as I finished my second fro-yo that I was saving for when? Later? Is that what you think happened? Please. I wish my uterus was as fertile as your imagination."

Lavinia Peck-Foster (Kristin Chenoweth) spills all her secrets about the recent deaths in East Peck... even though Josh wasn't asking for them

MARVEL'S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

"What are you analyzing now?"

"Various potential threats. You'd be surprised how frequently S.H.I.E.L.D. is mentioned."

"We have a small but active fanbase."

Is May (Ming-Na Wen) talking about the organization, or the TV show?

DYNASTY

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bitch."

Talk about a perfect entrance line for Alexis Carrington (Nicollette Sheridan) — and in the middle of a funeral, no less

75TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS

"We're here to present the award for Best Director."

"And here are the all-male nominees."

Natalie Portman takes the Globes audience (and poor Ron Howard!) by surprise with her off-the-cuff commentary

GREY'S ANATOMY

"I always thought that there was something wrong with me, and I always wanted to run... until I met you. You're so screwed up that you make me make sense. You and me... we just fit, and I don't want to leave you, Alex. I want a great, big, giant career, but... I never want to go anywhere without you. You are my home, and you are my heart. Alex Karev, will you marry me?"

Jo (Camilla Luddington), popping the question between kisses

IZOMBIE

"Hello, I'm Detective Babineaux, homicide, and this is Liv Moore. You might remember her as the star of Murder, She Wrote."

Clive (Malcolm Goodwin) introduces his partner, who is on "rich old woman" brains

TODAY

"Who are you, Megyn Kelly?"

Jane Fonda, referencing her uncomfortable interview on Megyn Kelly Today after Lily Tomlin makes a joke about her fondness for face lifts

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

"And don't you dare let anyone say it's too soon to be talking about [gun control]. Because you said it after Vegas, you said it after Sandy Hook, you say that after every one of these eight, now, fatal school shootings we've had in this country this year. [Voice breaking] Children are being murdered."

On the heels of the Parkland, Fla. school shooting, Kimmel makes an emotional plea to President Trump for gun control legislation

THE LAST MAN ON EARTH

"Good people on both sides."

Cannibal Karl (Fred Armisen) takes a page from Trump's false equivalency handbook by maintaining that not all people eaters are bad

DC'S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW

"I must say, it has been such an honor, Barack."

"I go by 'Barry.'"

"I really like Barack."

"Well, Barack is what it says on my birth certificate."

"Yeah, you might want to hold on to that."

Sara (Caity Lotz) does what she can to nip the future's birther movement in the bud

LUCIFER

"How am I supposed to solve the mystery of how to kill you if I don't understand you first? Your strengths, your weaknesses.... Because everyone has a kryptonite, Lieutenant."

Lucifer (Tom Ellis) aims to find the weak spot in Pierce's (Tom Welling) Superman-like armor

DICK CLARK'S NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE WITH RYAN SEACREST

"I just want to take a sip of tea, if they'll let me. They told me there would be tea. Oh, it's a disaster. OK, well, we'll just have to rough it. I'm going to be just like everybody else, with no hot tea."

Mariah Carey rings in 2018 in the most Mariah Carey way possible

ONE DAY AT A TIME

"What's the problem? Don't you like being in this country?"

"Of course! I like to be in America!"

Lydia (Rita Moreno) channels West Side Story's Anita during a discussion on whether or not to become a U.S. citizen

ROSEANNE

"Well, looky here! 'Written by Roseanne Conner.' This would have sold like hot cakes if only you hadn't killed off the most interesting character."

Dan (John Goodman) stumbles upon the manuscript that killed him off in the original 1997 finale

THE 24TH ANNUAL SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS

"I think my first initiative as first lady will be cyberbullying, because I have yet to see any progress made on that problem quite yet."

"First lady" host Kristen Bell throws shade at FLOTUS Melania Trump

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

"You are so funny... I loved you on Key & Peele."

"Well, sketch comedy is great, but at some point, you need to move on, ya know?"

[Awkward silence]

Steve Harvey Kenan Thompson, the show's longest-serving cast member, goes to a dark place after being confronted by Jordan Peele (Chris Redd)

THE BACHELOR

"So, what? Do you want to be back with her?"

"I want to see if there's that possibility."

"Are you f—king kidding me?"

Upon hearing that Arie is breaking up with her to go back to Lauren B., Becca has the same reaction as every viewer at home

THE WALKING DEAD

"You be good, OK? For Michonne, for Dad... You gotta honor 'im. Listen when he tells you stuff. You don't have to always. Sometimes kids gotta show their parents the way."

Carl (Chandler Riggs), saying goodbye to baby sister Judith in a way that felt particularly poignant after the Parkland shooting

POWER

"Rest in peace, you tough bastard."

Tommy (Joseph Sikora) says goodbye to Kanan

THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON

"Bye, Felicia."

Michelle Obama shares her inner monologue on the day Trump was inaugurated — and, just as Robin Roberts did last year, bids an appropriate farewell to 2018