After Thursday’s Legacies, Warner Bros. and The CW need to put out an official tabletop RPG set in the Vampire Diaries universe. Seriously, Pedowitz, bump it straight to the top of your to-do list, even before releasing licensed Beebo plushes.
Thanks to a nifty invention courtesy of Professor Vardemus, this week’s episode played out like an angsty game of Dungeons & Dragons, as the Super Squad tested various strategies and calculated their chance of success in a showdown against the unlikely team of Jen, Aurora, Lizzie and an all-powerful god named Ken. (Hi, Luke Mitchell!) Unsurprisingly the phrase “zero percent” was used multiple times.
One of the squad’s more eyebrow-raising discoveries was that Lizzie — now a full-fledged heretic, able to syphon a god’s power — is apparently “invaluable” to their success. If she dies, they’ll all die. And die they did. Many, many times. In fact, it wasn’t until Vardemus recalculated the squad’s success with Hope’s humanity turned back on that they finally succeeded.
But Hope, still haunted by the vision of her better self, didn’t appreciate her imaginary doppelganger’s told-you-so attitude, resulting in a full-on tribrid meltdown in which she threatened to kill every last Super Squad member. So Alaric snapped her neck, then put her down for a long nap in the dungeon. During a phone call with (I want to say) Josie, Alaric said, “I think you and MG were right about Hope. She’s close. So whatever you’re planning, I think now’s the opening you’ve been waiting for.” (Considering next week is the big Mikaelson family reunion, does that mean that Josie is working with Hope’s family? It wouldn’t be her first visit to New Orleans, after all.)
While we wait for answers, let’s enjoy a first look at next Thursday’s blessed event:
Elsewhere, Lizzie and Aurora were making some eyebrow-raising discoveries of their own during literal Communion with Jen. And all it took was an offering of shrimp tacos and weed brownies! (My kinda god, let me tell you.) For starters, Jen and Ben are siblings. Did we know that? Regardless, we do now. And we probably should have guessed they were related, given their rhyming names and all. Ben, Jen and daddy Ken? This would be way more adorable if all of our favorite characters’ lives weren’t currently on the line.
The gods, as it turns out, are very much like the Mikaelsons — violent, judgmental and oozing with wrath. But the gods are only as powerful as people’s belief in them, so when a creature (of course Malivore!) emerged with the ability to erase the gods from existence, Ken basically filled his heavenly diaper. In fear, he asked Jen to build sarcophagi in which to hide the gods until Malivore had been defeated.
But Jen, the little stinker, lied about there being a spell to wake them up. And just to put a hat on a hat, she also hid the key required to open the sarcophagi. “My family were the real monsters, and I didn’t want to be like them,” she told Lizzie and Aurora. Seriously, are we absolutely sure that Jen isn’t a Mikaelson? She even let Malivore absorb Ben in order to “save” him, and few things are more Mikaelson than a noble double-cross.
Speaking of double-crossing, Lizzie and Aurora returned to the Salvatore School to kidnap Ben, but their plan hit a snag when Lizzie spotted Alaric outside. If he’s alive, there’s no reason for her to team up with Aurora and wake up Chronos. And Aurora, bless her not-beating-but-still-growing heart, was actually willing to let Lizzie go. The problem is, Lizzie was bound to tell Alaric, which would pit the Super Squad against Aurora, thus triggering their blood pact and instantly killing Lizzie.
Not unlike Avril Lavigne, I’m starting to wonder when things got so complicated around here.
Now for the episode’s final bummer: We were treated to another Ben-Jed moment (beers and campfires are their love language), only to have the promise of more kissing cruelly ripped away by Lizzie and Aurora, who kidnapped Ben while Jed was inside checking on Finch. Mark my words, they will pay for this injustice!
Also worth discussing…
* Is anyone else getting extremely curious about what’s going on with Cleo? At first, I just assumed it was one of those “your power isn’t what makes you strong” stories, but after Vardemus reminding her that “pain is merely a signal that something is changing,” I can’t help but wonder if there isn’t something big on the horizon for her.
* I don’t have any real evidence to back this up, but I’m calling it now: Ethan will die during the fight against Ken. Between MG telling him that “there’s no version of us winning without losing someone,” then asking him to promise that it won’t be Lizzie, I feel like the writing is on the wall. I don’t dislike him, but Legacies was already a crowded show before he came along, and he still hasn’t really found his place.
* Landon and the Necromancer got kidnapped in Limbo while attempting to catch a coin thief. Elvis was there. Honestly, I don’t have a lot to say about this storyline right now. I think it’s best if we all just keep quiet and wait for it to pass.
Your thoughts on Thursday’s Legacies? Which Original are you most excited to see next week? And which character(s) do you suspect won’t survive the impending war? Vote for that last one in our poll below, then drop a comment with more of your predictions.